Nesting Willows
by AFIS
Summary: Catherine and Sara are both having problems in the lives that they have set up for themselves but when one little secret comes out in the open both Catherine and Sara are forced to reevaluate their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N-Short intro chapter but will get longer. Trust me, readers. It will. Remember to R/R if you can. Just one is all I need to feel good about myself at night.**

"And I would like to present to you the graduating class of 2010," the commencement speaker said to the audience, "please congratulate them on their achievements."

Catherine Willows remembered cheering loudly for her daughter with her new boyfriend, Louis Vartann. She even remembered capture button on her camera when Lindsey smiled at the audience, unsure of where her mother resided in the auditorium. Funny what the mind remembers, Catherine couldn't help wondering. Catherine couldn't remember how she got home or what Lindsey did with her friends for her graduation night out. It was almost as if as soon as Lindsey graduated she was mentally blotted out of her memory. Every memory after Lindsey's smiling face blended with the current visions of tears streaming down her face, the lonely nights caused by pushing Vartann away because he just couldn't understand, and the constant triple and double shifts she was pulling at work. Catherine just couldn't understand why she was so depressed but all she knew for certain was that pulling doubles and triples at work pushed the pain and sadness away for just a little bit longer. Everyone noticed Catherine's new attitude and refused to bring it up. Even Vartann managed to notice and was beginning to become exasperated at the situation. Vartann's decision to go to Boulder City for a couple of weeks for a police conference was acknowledged by Catherine with just a forceful stare and a small sigh. To Catherine being alone was no different than when she was with others. When Catherine saw the homicide case out by Excalibur she jumped on the chance to again sink herself into work.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N-Sara's perspective is, of course, a little bit more darker and thought driven than Catherine's. Remember to R/R. If not for me for your family who would want you to R/R.**

Sara Sidle was alone. Sara Sidle was alone and without her husband. Sara Sidle was alone, without her husband, and exasperated. Sara didn't know that she could feel this way about just one human being, even if it was Gil Grissom. Grissom was the only man that could do this to her and she hated him for it. All he cared about was his bugs. Damn those bugs, Sara couldn't help thinking in times like this. Sara just couldn't help thinking that if it wasn't for something or someone she and Grissom would have at least a working marriage. Either it was the bugs or something idiotic like the weather. After returning to Vegas to live with her in their new home Grissom decided, in typical Grissom fashion, to leave to Paris for an unscheduled research visit. Sara couldn't help wondering why she never seemed to factor into Grissom's decisions that involved both of them. When Sara became Mrs. Grissom she never expected him to be radically changed from the man she knew ten years ago but she certainly didn't expect the complete lack of understanding on Grissom's part. If she didn't know any better Catherine was picking up on Sara's mood. Catherine had been working triples and doubles for weeks now and she showed no signs of stopping. Sara couldn't even bring herself to make wise cracks about Catherine's workaholic behavior because she felt the same as well. Working herself into a frenzy was also a way that Sara was handling her frustration. Sara figured that maybe talking to Catherine would help soothe her feelings with Grissom but she couldn't help feeling a strong wave of embarrassment. Catherine was clearly having some problems in her own life and Sara didn't want to burden her with her own problems.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N-What did I tell you in the first chapter? It's much longer. But I'm not done yet. The reference that Cath makes to "folding her hand" is a lame reference to poker. Just in case you didn't get it. I just thought I'd clarify for you guys/gals being so nice to read and hopefully review.**

Sitting in the locker room alone was one way to have an evening. Catherine's forced isolation was taking a toll on the group dynamic. Everyone was either trying to get away from her or walking around her like she was a bear in hibernation. Sara was one of the few people in the shift that wasn't afraid of Catherine lately. She wasn't smothering her with awkward discussion nor was she trying to be in the background with her either. Getting ready for the case out by the Excalibur she prepared for her forced isolation and heard Sara coming into the locker room. For just one second, Catherine felt at ease with her life.

"Hey, Catherine," Sara said while walking toward Catherine's open locker door, "I swear you're trying to go for the longest consecutive shift ever in CSI history."

Catherine couldn't help but smirk at that thought but was surprised after hearing the slight crack in Sara's voice. She couldn't help but wonder if Sara was really picking up on Catherine's emotions. Why else would Sara be emotional, Catherine couldn't help wondering.

"Well, at least I'm not taking up drinking," Catherine said sarcastically.

Sara's eyes rolled in annoyance or amusement but whichever it was Catherine liked having Sara react to her words.

"That reminds me of Lindsey when she was younger," Catherine said while staring upward to a ceiling that enabled her to keep the tears from running again, "She would always give me that same look like she was over the whole conversation before it even started."

The first tear rolled down Catherine's face and soon so did the rest of the cavalry of waterworks. One small noise created by Catherine gave the nose permission to charge into the fray which was soon followed by the shuddering of a woman in pain. After all that had happened to her in the past weeks Catherine didn't understand why she had chosen the labs to emotionally break down in. Catherine wanted to run away but could barely breathe quickly enough to process basic information like Sara's breath on her shoulder. Wait, what was Sara's breath doing on her shoulder? When did that happen? Catherine couldn't decide whether to move away from Sara's warmth or hug her back.

"I'm so tired, Sara," Catherine whispered quietly.

"Then don't take that extra shift tonight," Sara said with a look of concern, "Go home, Catherine."

Catherine visibly hardens with Sara's quiet statement after looking Sara in the eyes and seeing the emotion there. She always thought Sara of all people would understand why she couldn't leave her shift. Wiping away her tear stained face, Catherine stood up quickly and turned away from Sara's confused glare.

"Sara…I just can't stop," Catherine turns around to peer at Sara who has become almost one with the shadows of the room, "If I stop I'll remember why I can't seem to breathe at night, why I can't eat without throwing everything back up a couple of minutes later."

"You're going through a lot, Catherine. What do you want all of us here to do? Ignore the fact that you're spiraling out of control? I've been there and I know how much it sucks to be there. I can help, hell; everyone here can help you through this, Catherine."

Catherine closes her eyes with a frown and returns her cold eyes to Sara's earnest ones, "God, Sara. Is that the game you want to play tonight? Well, I'm folding my hand."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You're a Harvard graduate, Sara. You tell me."

Sara sighs with annoyance and gets up from her seat. Catherine couldn't help but be frustrated at Sara's lack of emotion. In a way it was almost like she was talking to Grissom again. To some people that would be considered a relaxing idea, to talk to Grissom, but to Catherine it just was too close to her true feelings. Everyone around her was leaving or developing relationships of their own while she was stuck in second gear. It was almost like Sara and Catherine had changed places and that scared Catherine to be put in that situation.

"Sara. Don't leave," Catherine puts her hand out to touch the smooth leather of Sara's jacket and gets nothing but Sara's dark eyes, "I need someone to help me with this case and don't give me the company line that I should ask Nick or Greg."

"It's a little late to be asking for things, Cath," Sara said with obvious displeasure.

"Are you going to help me out here?"

"Fine…it's not like I have anything to go home to anyway."

Sara excuses herself from the locker room without another look back while Catherine is left alone to her thoughts and the nosy lab techs. Catherine couldn't help but focus on the last statement made by Sara. What did she mean that she had nothing to go home to? Last time Catherine talked to Sara at the lab party that was held a couple of months ago her and Grissom were the loving couple. The picture of married bliss. What could have happened in the period of a couple of months?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N-We're in the Act 2 of my fanfic and things are really going to start to pick up. Sara's going to get darker, Catherine's going to get angsty, and you are going to have to read more. But I think you'll be okay. I sort of felt like I put Brass out of character a little bit but it's so hard to get Brass just right sometimes. Ohh well, I tried.**

Act 2

"What do we have, Brass?" Sara said with a false effort of lightness.

After arguing in the car with Catherine about, oddly enough, the air conditioning, Sara was exhausted. However, the whole police department didn't need to know that Catherine and Sara were fighting again.

"Fifteen year old Caucasian male is found in one of the box seats at the Excalibur. No one knows how he got there. Janitor says he was cleaning up after the last show for the night and found the kid just sitting. Went to call the cops and the rest is standard procedure."

"Thanks, Brass," Sara says while trying to gauge Catherine's blank stare, "Hey, Cath? I'm not the only CSI here tonight am I?"

Catherine visible stiffens and walks away while handling her camera. After taking some quick snapshots of the scene she leaves to go check with the janitor. Sara couldn't help but feel saddened by Catherine approach to handling the scene. It was almost as if she was breaking apart from the rest of the world to protect herself but why? Sara has always known the smart and fiery Catherine Willows. It was hard for her to see her in a vulnerable way and even harder for Sara to know what to do about it. After trying the aggressive approach in the locker room earlier, Sara decided that maybe it would best to try a different tact. What that tact was Sara had no clue.

"She's not taking it good is she, Sara?" Brass replies to the wordless question floating in the air after Catherine excuses herself.

"Brass," Sara sighs with built up emotion before speaking, "I honestly don't know how she's taking it. She refuses to let me in and I'm getting to a point where I honestly want to stop trying to get in."

"Don't say that, Sara."

"I'm only saying what I feel, Jim."

"I know. I know. I don't fault you for that but she doesn't have anyone else that can help her right now. Vartann tried but she just batted him away. I really don't want to have to get Lindsey involved, she's just starting college."

"I know what it's like to be alone with your thoughts and feelings, Brass. We all do. What makes me an expert over Nick or Greg?"

Brass rakes his hand through his hair trying to gather his thoughts before speaking, "She needs you, Sara. I can't tell you why. All I can tell you is what I know. If you give up on Catherine she's going to go a dark place. And the last time I saw Catherine in a dark place was when she was getting over her drug addiction."

Sara was honestly stumped on what to do about her situation with Catherine. Catherine was always the constant in her life, the one thing that Sara could count on when her life was screwed up. Now she had to offer Catherine the same thing and she was scared shitless. Not to mention Sara's own problems leaving her shaky. Sara couldn't help but curse Grissom's bad timing, again. No, Sara had to stop blaming things on him. Even though he was the cause of almost every problem in her life as of late he had nothing to do with how Sara would affect the world around her. After a couple of minutes of introspection Sara looks up from her one-to-ones. Why was everything coming down to her, Sara couldn't help wondering. Seeing her friend in so much pain and having to help her rise from that pain? It was too much.

Brass looks around in the general vicinity of where Sara's eyes are and begins to speak, "Something wrong in the land of married bliss?"

Sara's sigh was all Brass needed as conformation of what he suspected. He personally never agreed with Sara and Grissom's marriage but endured it nonetheless because Sara was like a daughter to Brass. He didn't want to see her hurt but he wanted to see her happy. Grissom made Sara happy or did make her happy.

"You know me too well, Brass," Sara says, "What else am I going to say?"

"That you're going to help Catherine?"

"I want to, Brass but you just don't understand," Sara visibly struggles with her emotions, "She's not letting me in. She's not letting anyone in."

"When you had your problem with alcohol who'd you let in? Grissom. Well, Catherine needs you to be her Grissom."

Sara chuckles after thinking about Brass's statement, "So…it's okay for me to sleep with Catherine?"

"Whatever gets the job done." Brass reluctantly says before heading off to the various witnesses at the crime scene, "I'm going to go interview some of the other witnesses."

"Are you serious? 'Cause I was kidding."

Brass turns around and shrugs at Sara's comment as if he's condoning Sara to cheat on her husband with a female, and not just any female but Catherine Willows. After finishing most of the preliminary crime scene protocol Sara stands up to begin looking for Catherine to see if she's finished. Walking over to the wall near the crime scene Sara was awed by how beautiful the Excalibur could be at night. Sara couldn't help but thinking that after ten years she could still be amazed by the lights and chaos that was Las Vegas at night. It was almost as if Las Vegas was created just to be viewed at night by the eyes of those down on their luck or trying to capitalize on the luck they think they've got. Closing her eyes, Sara imagined her and Grissom here together. Walking amongst all the bright lights as a married couple and not two working associates for a change but soon the fantasy turned into Catherine walking with Sara down Tropicana. Catherine turning toward Sara with a smile on her face and Catherine's strawberry blonde hair illuminated from the artificial lights.

"Well, that's Sara Sidle for you," Catherine says with a hint of sarcasm and frustration, "Can relax even while staring at a dead fifteen year old kid."

Sara looks up and sees Catherine's face staring back up at her with every ounce of emotion bleeding through her expression. The sadness over whatever she's going through while trying to remain the Catherine that Sara's known over the past years. Sara couldn't help but be amazed by the effort that Catherine was putting in to making her happy and comfortable. Underneath the surface Sara is equally shocked by the amount of passion that she feels for the woman that she's always clashing with in some way or another. Sara couldn't help but remember Brass's comment earlier. Would it really be that bad if Sara slept with Catherine? It would probably in some ways be a release for both her and Catherine. But…that couldn't be the right approach to handling the problems going on with the both of them. Sara was starting to hyperventilate thinking of whether it was right or wrong for her to feel this way. Soon Sara was repeating out loud to herself, "This can't be happening. It just can't be happening."

"What can't be happening," Catherine says with obvious concern, "Sara, what's wrong?"

Sara looks up at Catherine like she just started talking about the last animal registered extinct in the world, "I can't breathe, Catherine. I can't breathe."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N-Another little tidbit for my readers out there. This is my longest chapter so far and it's also in some ways the meatiest in terms of plot/characterization. I'm no where near finished with this baby though so expect way more chapters after this. I tried to do a little description in this chapter along with some nice metaphors/similes. Tell me if you like them when R/R. Thanksies.**

"What the hell was that about," Catherine couldn't help wondering. Just when you think you know someone they have a panic attack right in front of you while muttering something that was completely incoherent. After hurriedly wrapping up some loose ends with the janitor's statement, Catherine calmly started to search for Sara until fifteen minutes had passed with still no sign of Sara. How could one person be so hard to find in a half empty hotel? Stopping for a minute to lean against a half-opened door to Tropicana Blvd. a small muttering came from somewhere behind the outside corner. Only one person could mutter without that much conviction, Catherine thought to herself.

"Sara, is that you?"

Sara's sigh of annoyance alerted Catherine that it was really Sara muttering and instantly caused one thought to cross Catherine's mind, "What the hell is she muttering about," allowing Catherine to focus on anything but Sara's presence. Catherine frequently did this to separate herself from the younger woman, to allow her mind and emotions to take a break. For Catherine wondering about the why was easier than wondering about the person behind the why.

Catherine began readying herself for the argument that would surely happen in order to cover up Sara's sudden panic attack. Catherine found herself constantly struggling with Sara in every situation and it was becoming a hindrance to her everyday life. Catherine thought Sara would be the main people to understand Catherine's recent emotional state not exacerbate the problem. Looking briefly up, Catherine saw Sara's whole body disguised by murky shadows that accompany the artificial suns of the casinos. She's clearly been crying for a long time, the obvious puffiness of her reddened face is highlighted by the casinos' glares. Those same glares used to give Catherine the comfort she needed to continue. Whether it was stripping, shooting up, or solving another crime puzzle the Vegas lights were a source of security. Now, after seeing those same lights reflected in Sara's tear stained face it made Catherine want to turn those god damn lights off and be alone in the dark with Sara.

"But, I hate her. Why would I want to be in the dark with her," Catherine's mind was in such inner turmoil that her head started to pulse with the beat of the music being played in the Excalibur's upper deck casino. Grimacing with pain, Catherine couldn't help but want to soothe Sara's obvious displeasure. Whether it was from the loud music or something else Catherine didn't know. Catherine leaned out to wipe Sara's tears away from her face but was met with Sara's leather jacket with **FORENSICS** labeled in white.

"Why did she turn away from me," Catherine wondered. Not for the first time that night Catherine didn't know what to do or say around Sara. It irked her so much that she hardly noticed when Sara started speaking.

"…do this…Catherine…you think…everything's about you, isn't it."

"Sara I have a hard time understanding you when I'm lucid. However, my head is killing me and you're muttering. Not a great combination if you actually want me to respond," Catherine began rubbing her temples while wishing she had a cigarette to calm her nerves. Catherine could tell something was going to be said that she wasn't going to like.

Sara, for the first time that whole night, looks up at Catherine's eyes, "I'm married, Catherine."

"I know, Sara," Catherine closes her eyes in expectation of Sara's next statement, "don't do this to me. Don't you dare bring that up like it's the cause of everything that's gone wrong or right between us."

Sara turns around to face Catherine, "Who made you queen, Catherine? I know Sam Braun was your father but that doesn't give you jurisdiction to play with everyone you meet."

"So now it's me playing around," Catherine rolls her eyes, "Last time I checked you were a willing participant, hell, you weren't crying for it. I haven't done anything except try to live my life in the best way that I can. If anything I've been playing off of your lead."

"Living your life is one thing, Catherine but being a devil's advocate is something else. You constantly push me to do one thing when it's convenient for you but are always quick to say, 'I'm not like that.' or 'We shouldn't be doing this.' When is it going to end, Catherine? When you're ready for it to end?"

Catherine grabs out to turn Sara around after becoming frustrated at talking to Sara's back for several minutes, "I hardly call that playing the advocate. We've only talked about this once, Sara. I hardly call that enough time to make a judgment about what I have or haven't done. If I remember correctly, I was drunk and you were, as usual, looking for a quick outlet for your pent-up feelings with Grissom. And just in case you don't know, you weren't that great."

"Hell, you nearly called me Grissom half the time but I was too drunk to care. We were both using the other so don't you dare try to make me into the bad guy here." Catherine gives Sara a stare down to know that she was serious about every word. Sara looks away with a brief defeated glance.

After a couple of seconds of quiet introspection on both Sara and Catherine's sides, Sara clenches her fists and makes a small sound of aggravation. Catherine's eyes roll at Sara's passive aggressive behavior while walking toward the outside wall of the Excalibur. The door closes behind Catherine and makes a sharp metal on metal sound which breaks the silence. Catherine notices Sara's eyes slowly following her throughout the whole process and smiles.

"She certainly doesn't seem mad," Catherine couldn't help but notice, "If anything she's seems like she's made an emotional one-eighty." Using the lights to her advantage, Catherine leans herself to a dark corner to keep Sara wanting more. Catherine could see Sara perfectly while Sara had to be struggling to just see her strawberry blonde hair. If she was in the dark Sara would be forced to come to her. Catherine couldn't stand to not be the boss of her environment and now was no exception. With Sara it was about control and if you could control her you could make her do anything you wanted. That's one of the only reasons Grissom lasted so long with her. He was able to use his emotional restraint as a way to draw Sara into his web. It was never about love or passion with Grissom and Sara. It was strictly a constant war of wits. Or if Catherine knew her Grissom he probably thought his relationship with Sara was just a result of instinct.

Catherine couldn't help but think that Sara was many things but she could be the most passionate person she'd ever met. However, that passion rarely had an off switch. Sara had the habit of focusing on one thing and put all of her effort into that one thing without even considering other possibilities. That was the first thing that struck Catherine into getting drunk with Sara four years ago. Sara's passion was so strong it felt unfair to have it be wasted on the Bug Man. Some would have considered Catherine's actions cock-blocking but to Catherine it was justified. Grissom could never be a strong enough conduit for Sara's passion and driving emotions. Hell, Catherine could barely handle it at times. He could barely keep his feet when she had a high tide of restrained emotion for a case. It was almost as if that first time was the first time for both of them. It was the first time to really let loose with someone and not worry about the consequences on the morning after. Catherine certainly knew how to keep various secrets and Sara was so embarrassed she could barely find her bra and panties the next morning. Closing her eyes Catherine couldn't help but remember the legs kicking the sheets, the sharp teeth biting anything that they could get a hold on, and mouths yelling out obscenities that would make a sailor proud. Catherine earlier statement about Sara's lack of talent in bed wasn't completely true. If anything Sara was like a rave party in bed. She required a lot of stamina to keep up with but was never anything short of a good time.

"For you it was a fun fling, Catherine. For me it was the end of any hope of a productive marriage," Sara says with a conviction, "for me it was the end of the life that I had carefully set up for myself. That I even wanted to achieve."

Catherine felt no need to respond to Sara's last statement. There was no need. Sara was putting out her frustrations and not really looking for any sort of input on Catherine's part. Catherine couldn't help being annoyed at the fact that again Sara was throwing blame around to everyone but herself. Did Sara really think that sex was a one way street? Leaning her head back against the warm façade of the Excalibur she sighed. Sara was a willing partner that night. Catherine gave her ample time to decide even when though she was a drunk as a Red Sox's fan after winning the pennant.

After listening to Sara's emotional spiel drag on for another couple of minutes, Catherine lifts her eyes up toward the pedestrian crossway connecting the various casinos to each other. All of the tourists were completely unaware of what was going on down here and Catherine wondered if she could use that to her advantage. If she could just shut Sara up for a couple of minutes then Sara was definitely follow along with whatever Catherine was telling her to do. It's all about control with Sara and Catherine was determined to use this to her advantage.

With a small smirk Catherine steps out of the shadows to interrupt Sara's conversation, "Sara, do you love me?"

"Honestly," Sara walks toward Catherine's spot on the wall and says quietly, "no, I don't but I could love you and I want to love you. That scares me, Catherine. For me love has always been unattainable. Unreachable. But with you I feel like you want me to want you."

"Doesn't Grissom want you to want him?"

Sara chuckles sadly and brings her chocolate eyes back up to Catherine's stormy ocean orbs, "He wants me to understand him and all of his quirks, not want him. Marriage to him is just a way to realize the final frontier of human interaction with each other. I'm just a variable in his grand experiment."

Catherine's hand tries to extend to Sara's to comfort her but she's somehow moved somewhere else in the shadows of the Excalibur, causing her to be lost to Catherine. Catherine is equally scared to love Sara but for totally different reasons. Catherine doesn't have the marriage that could be crumbled like Sara does but she does have Vartann and her daughter. What would they think if she just decided to leave town with a married woman? Lou didn't deserve that kind of heartbreak and neither did her daughter. Catherine also doesn't want to hurt Grissom just for a relationship built on a drunken one-night stand at a hotel in the middle of the desert. She had to think this through and clearly so did Sara who looked like she was biting her nails in the shadows. No matter where Catherine's body was telling her to go she had to ignore it before making a mistake.

Catherine turns around to face Sara and gives her a mock smile of friendship before speaking hoping it could defuse some of the tension building up, "Hey, let's go get this case handled with first. I'm sure Al must be having a fit back at the morgue waiting for us. I would ask you for a drink but under the circumstances of what happened to us last time they may not be a good idea, huh? "

Sara nods glumly and Catherine, tired of seeing Sara so sad, grabs Sara roughly and pulls her into the shadows of the pedestrian walk way connecting the Excalibur and MGM. While Catherine makes sure no one is looking down at the Excalibur's street entrances Sara begins to try to get away from Catherine's warm embrace. After a couple of lame attempts she settles against Catherine's hold noticing that they are under the pedestrian walkway with some privacy. Sara was such a prude at times. Wanting privacy on the second date but almost having sex on a park bench for the first date. But why was Catherine considering these "interactions" between them dates? They were hook-ups, flings, or whatever was cool at the moment to describe sex. But despite the strong impulse in her loins telling her different Catherine knew that this isn't the time or place to rekindle a love affair. Catherine tucks her head in the sensitive crook of Sara's neck which happened without any thought on Catherine's part. Every breath made by each of them just created a further connection for each of their bodies to find and latch onto. What a lovely sound Sara just made. Almost as if she was just waking up after nine hours of good rest after finishing a double shift.

"I wonder if she uses some kind of natural smelling detergent on her sheets," Catherine couldn't help wondering, "Probably something like Rainforest Fresh or Sunkissed Sunflowers." Was that too cute? What did Sara's house look like? Where was her home even located? And even if she did ask Sara probably would have smirked and asked, "Why? Planning on stalking me on your spare time, Catherine? You know what happens to stalkers Catherine. They gradually up the ante, so to speak."

Catherine knew that Sara and Grissom bought a new house somewhere near a nature preserve in Las Vegas but she never really asked Sara about a specific street address. She'd never wondered about it the first time they got together because they both were just concentrating on finding each others' warm skin and damp crevices. Suddenly all thought stopped except for the scent exuding from Sara's body. If Catherine's sense of smell was as good as it used to be she'd say it was the exact same scent from four years ago. The particular combination of cinnamon, brown sugar, and the need for a good fuck was like a snickerdoodle cookie fresh from the oven of a brothel. Catherine just couldn't resist her animalistic desire and began softly moaning into Sara's neck. Sara used that as a verbal encouragement and moved her hands from Catherine's face toward her shoulders, trying to force Catherine lower. Despite the upsurge of emotion from the both of them Catherine could hear the tourists clearly. From the women laughing about sleeping with so-and-so, the men making boy jokes, and the young men trying to act mature to the older women everything was so clearly defined it was making Catherine uncomfortable. Anyone with at least a modicum use of their eyes would be able to look down and see two women having way too much fun in public. Catherine lifted her head toward the cool wall and lowered her head toward it trying to regain some control over her mind and body while anxious thoughts continued to rage through Catherine's head. I need this started to conflict with I shouldn't be doing this. As soon as that was processed by Catherine's mind, Sara's knee started grinding into her pelvis which hit perfectly against her clit with each upward thrust. God, she was always too god at that. As soon as you get the tiniest bit comfortable Sara would prove that she really was firecracker in bed and crank up the heat. Oddly enough one thought pushed through Catherine's mind, "I'm relaxed. I haven't been this relaxed since before Lindsey's graduation."

This can't work, Catherine groaned. This isn't right. We need to think. Hell, I need to think about what the hell I'm doing nonetheless Sara as well. Catherine couldn't help but feel that Sara was doing the same thing that she did four years ago. Reacting instead thinking about her actions which is exactly why they slept together the first time. Sara was reacting over her unrequited love for Grissom and I was so drunk I hardly even noticed. Catherine recalled being upset after having to leave her supervisor position of grave shift because Grissom asked for his team back. Ecklie had no choice but acquiescence to his request after all that happened with Nick.

Catherine tried to give Sara a mental message to stop but she probably couldn't understand it over Catherine's yelling and moans of satisfaction. I'm going to cum if she doesn't quit, Catherine thought exasperatedly with a touch of frustration starting to build-up slowly underneath Catherine's cool exterior.

"Stop…Sara, I need," Catherine gathered a breath of air while licking her lips in preparation to speak and at the image of Sara's soft lips kissing elsewhere on her body, "we need to talk about this."

Sara looks up from sucking Catherine's neck and sees the passion for Sara and the frustration of not allowing Sara to continue her actions. Sara steps back from Catherine and helps straighten her up to look presentable in front of the other cops and detectives working the scene.

"And you continue to fan the fires while at the same time calling the fire department to put out the same fire," Sara says while slowly backing away with tears in her eyes, "I need this, Catherine. Why do you keep dangling the forbidden fruit in front of my face and pull it back as soon as I get near? I just…want you to sleep with me. Give me that, at the very least."

"At the very least? Hell, I would gladly give you that and more if you weren't, I don't know, married to my one of my best friends and I didn't have a relationship with Vartann," Catherine rakes her hands through her hair, "Fuck, Sara do you think you're a god now? Half of Vartann's buddies are right here? What if they were talking to witnesses on the walkway above us and saw us making out? What then?"

As soon as the words are out in the air Catherine knows she's made a mistake. Sara was almost as bad as Warrick was when it came to authority. She accepted it reluctantly and rarely could stand criticism. That was another reason Sara made it so long when she first got here. Grissom was such a passive leader that everyone was there own boss which was exactly what Sara needed. Catherine however was an active leader and was always surprised every time Sara willingly accepted her leadership decisions. However, now was not going to be one of those times.

Sara quickly turned back to face Catherine's shell-shocked face, "You seemed awfully willing at the time, Catherine. Or did I mistake those moans to be something they weren't?"

"And here comes the Harvard graduate, Sara Sidle, here to grace us with her presence. God, I hope I can keep up with your rapier wit and masterful use of the language. I mean I only have a measly degree from WLVU after all."

Catherine couldn't believe they had done this…again. One moment they were all over each other, ready and willing, and all of sudden something just changed. It wasn't just Sara either. Catherine was actually trying to get Sara to react after that last statement. Maybe a quick fuck was all they were capable of asking from each other.

Suddenly a man came walking briskly toward the two of them with a look of utter annoyance on his face.

"Where the hell have you two been? Getting high with the tourists? Did I scare them off like cockroaches in the morning light?"

"Brass. What would we do without you," Sara and Catherine recite in unison.

"Continue fighting until the world split in two. I heard you two arguing a mile away," Brass shrugs and looks directly at Catherine, "I'd expect this from Sara but not you Catherine. You're a supervisor. Dr. Rob says he's been calling off the hook. Something about your DB is wasting space in his autopsy room."

Catherine sighs, "Sounds like Al. We'll be right behind you."

While Brass was walking ahead of the two women Catherine whispered into Sara's ear, "We're not finished are we?"

Sara chuckles at Catherine's curious tone, "God, you sound like Grissom. No we aren't finished. Not by a long shot. Unless you want to be?"

"I'll be finished when I'm dead as a doornail being autopsied by Al."

"Shouldn't he be dead by that point?"

"Nope, Al always told me he would want his head frozen so when they found a body for him they'll just unfreeze, stitch him up, and he'll be on his way; something about his genius going to waste while decomposing."

"Sounds like ."

"Would I lie about Al? What's the point? In his case the truth is always stranger than fiction."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N-This chapter is also a little angsty but I personally think a little angst with CSR is to be expected. No sex this chapter like last one. I'll be going to college orientation so hopefully I'll be able to put another chapter up before then. Keep R/R because it makes me oh so joyous. I nearly fell out my chair after learning I got a review. Alos do you guys/gals want me to put the name of whoever's POV I'm using for the next chapter? If you do just tell me okay?

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Driving back with Catherine in her Tahoe was surprisingly quiet and reminiscent of their first times together. Catherine was reserved and seemed to concentrate on the steering wheel and nonexistent traffic without even trying to acknowledge Sara's presence. Sara couldn't believe she was still trying so hard to be with Catherine. After all those years of repression of what they did four years ago the feelings that she felt just came back after a couple of minutes of heavy petting.

"What's wrong with me," Sara couldn't help asking herself. She was nearly forty and married to a reserved but loving man that supported her. Grissom believed in her but more importantly trusted her judgment. Sara couldn't help but imagine what Grissom would say if he found out about what Catherine and Sara did together. Knowing Grissom he would either internalize his feelings and never speak of Catherine and Sara again or become passive aggressive and lash out against everything, except the bugs. Somehow Sara found a sick perversion in the latter and wished that Grissom would be aggressive with her. Push her around. Hit her once across the face.

"Grissom always did like whips," Sara couldn't help but acknowledge to herself. When Sara went back to Paris that first time Grissom told Sara about his time spent at Lady Heather's home when she was in Costa Rica. He claimed that he slept with Lady Heather out of depression and not unresolved passion towards her. Sara couldn't help remembering how he brought her up; while he was making love to her before he nearly came. Why didn't he bring it up at a better time was a question that always followed Sara when she was relaxed. Sara knew Grissom was socially inept at times but come on, what made him say that? Sara couldn't help but feel like he was lying. If there was one thing Sara learned from Catherine's various affairs with men is that when a man tells you that he loves you in the middle of sex he's probably not being exactly truthful. Sara turns her head toward the tinted passenger window and leans her head toward the cool glass while looking at the lights of the Vegas strip. Catherine seems to wake up from her own thoughts and lifts her hand toward Sara's shoulder but Sara is having none of her sympathy. For the second time today Sara couldn't help but curse her bad timing with Grissom. Grissom was always making mistakes and getting a tap on the wrist while Sara was perpetually stuck in ultimatums. She either made the wrong decision or an even worse decision.

Even the casinos seemed to be mocking her with their pulsating attractions just shouting out to her, "Grissom. Grissom. Grissom." Sara just couldn't help wondering if Catherine was feeling the same way. After her attempt to comfort her she'd gone back to her stolid demeanor. All Sara wanted was to hear recognition on Catherine's part that what she was feeling was normal, at least for the situation they were involved in but for some reason Sara just couldn't get the words out.

Catherine looks at Sara's hunched together body and frowns, "If you're cold I could turn the heat up. The weather has been so weird lately hasn't it?"

"No," Sara moves her body into a somewhat more relaxed position, "I'm fine. I've just been thinking about some things."

Catherine visibly perks up after hearing Sara's revelation, "Me too, I'm sorry about what happened in the Excalibur. That was neither the time nor the place for what we did."

"You don't have to apologize. No one has to apologize for what we did or didn't do. I know I'm not going to."

Catherine clutches the steering wheel and begins to slow down to turn into an abandoned parking lot of an old _McDonald's_. Why are we turning here, Sara couldn't help but wonder. She knew that Catherine would never try for a quickie in a parking lot while they were on the clock. But the idea of it certainly did give Sara a sexual jolt that's for sure.

"Why do we do this to each other, Sara? I'm tired of fighting with you over something or other that doesn't make any sense or is completely irrelevant."

Sara sighs and begins to feel like a child that was tapped on the wrist, "I'm sorry, Catherine. Is that what you want me to say? That I've been a bad girl and I need to be punished? Well, punish me if it makes you feel better but it certainly won't change what I feel."

Catherine closes her eyes and calmly breathes in and out for a couple of seconds, "And what do you feel, Sara?"

"I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place," Sara turns toward Catherine's eyes, equally scared of what she won't and will find there, "and I wish I could just be like you for just one day. Calm and reserved. Confident. Powerful."

Catherine closes her eyes and sinks down in the driver's seat. The small sounds coming from the radio station are the only sounds that occupy the Tahoe besides Sara's own breathing and Catherine's light thrumming of the dashboard. Sara didn't really feel like giving Catherine the satisfaction of knowing that she had broken down Sara's carefully erected defenses and turned away from her piercing glare. Only Catherine could make me feel like a child for being emotionally insecure.

It wasn't fair that Catherine could see past her defenses while all Sara could do to Catherine was fuck her senseless whenever it was the right time for Catherine. Sara couldn't help but think remember her father and everything that he put her through. "How dare Catherine make me feel abused again…she knows about everything that I've been through," Sara looked over at Catherine's still body and sees a woman that's just a fucked up as she is. Sara had to get out of Catherine's car. She was having a hard time breathing again with the conflict over the similarities between her father and Catherine. She felt that she would lose her only way out and had to leave before she lost her chance. Grabbing the car door release she opened the door quickly and walked out into the cold night air. Why hadn't Catherine told her it was so fucking cold tonight? Holding herself to keep in her body warmth Sara began to walk, where she wasn't certain. All she knew was that she needed to think without Catherine's baby blues glaring at her and her scent just wafting around her nose. Sara just couldn't stop imagining her father's own blue eyes staring her down as he finished beating her mother.

Halfway down the parking lot Sara began to realize what a stupid idea this was, walking in the cold like a homeless person. With a little sneeze Sara began to feel miserable and began to turn herself around for the walk of shame to return back to the car. Sara knew Catherine would be sitting in the warm car laughing to herself about how idiotic Sara could be but half way through the turn Sara saw that Catherine had been following her and had left the car, unsupervised, where they had stopped. Catherine's whole face was red with the cold but at least she had the common sense to gather a coat and a scarf before leaving the Tahoe. Sara however saw none of this and proceeded to lash out in anger at the first thing she could find, Catherine.

"What the hell are you thinking about, Catherine? You just left a police issued vehicle alone with the lights still on in an abandoned parking lot. You might as well have left a come here sign for anyone to grab our only source of transportation."

Catherine sighs and proceeds to turn around and walk back to the car. Sara is stunned at Catherine's reaction and quickly tries to run after her to keep up.

"Where are you," Sara sneezes which stops her movement for a couple of minutes, "going now?"

"Where do you think, Harvard? Can I call you that, Sara? Harvard? Since you always seem to have all the answers but seemingly lack the common sense to grab your coat before running out on me and us?"

Sara puts her hand out to stop Catherine. When the hell did "Sara and Catherine" become "us" which almost acknowledged a relationship that didn't exist?

"Or did it," Sara couldn't help wondering to herself. Was Catherine really that topsy-turvy in her decisions that she thought it was acceptable to put on the brakes while still hitting the gas? Sara sighed in annoyance. This certainly wasn't the first time Catherine did this and every time it left Sara stunned but not this time. Sara refused to let Catherine roll over her like she wasn't there again.

Sara reaches Catherine's shoulder and shoves her to the back of the Tahoe which evokes a moan from Catherine. Whether it was sexual or out of pure pain, Sara really hoped it was the former, "What the hell did you just say? Now we're 'us'? Could you please make up your damn mind because I've had it with this flip-flopping of what you want. I'm not that Christmas toy that you pick up every once and awhile, Catherine. I need you to-"

"Well, I need a lot of things too, Sara. I need you to get back in the car. I need to get this evidence that we collected back to the lab before chain of custody is broken. Everything isn't always about you, Sara. Now get back in the car. Now."

"Why are you doing this, Catherine? You're acting so cold, you didn't even ask why I walked out."

"Two reasons, Sara. I honestly could give a flying fuck about you or whatever problem of the hour you're dealing with is," Catherine sighs while looking up at the stars, "and honestly, I will leave you here if you don't get in the car."

Catherine starts walking over to the driver's side without a look back. For the first time, Sara is speechless. Sara can't believe that she just got blown off by a woman just a couple of hours ago nearly allowing to orgasm. Catherine even threw in a disgusted look for good measure before hopping into the driver's seat and closing the door. Sara begrudgingly grabbed the car door and slammed it open getting ready for the silence that was sure to come after that last mini discussion. They could barely make it to the lab without trying to get into a cat fight. How the hell were they supposed to work on the case together? But more importantly how could they ever try to develop a relationship with each other? Sara couldn't help but think that staying out of love with Grissom had to better than being abused on a daily basis with a woman she couldn't stop loving. Sara tried to steal a glance toward Catherine in the dark car but al she could see was the shadows. But every once and awhile the various lights of Vegas illuminated Catherine's face and oddly enough, she seemed to be in just as much pain as Sara was. Sighing, Sara prepared herself for another long ride back to the lab.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N-Less angst in this chapter. Wanted to give you guys/gals a break before continuing with the angsty stuff. Also, I didn't want to write too much angsty stuff for this chapter before I went off to orientation. I rushed this chapter so it may not be as polished as I would prefer but I think it'll be alright. Remember to R/R. If you don't R/R small children in villages in east Asia go hungry.**

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"Catherine…are you listening to me? The vic has bruising on the back of throat that is characteristic of drowning victims," Dr. Rob starts to snap his fingers in front of Catherine's blank face.

Shaking herself off from the emotional baggage that she can't let herself get away from she nods her head toward 's question. After giving a skeptical look continues discussing the case but puts more effort in directing the conversation toward Sara, who remarkably looks relatively lively after what occurred earlier in her Tahoe. Catherine just hoped that Sara understood her actions. She had no choice but to be forceful with Sara. After all they were still on the clock and they'd already screwed up when they almost screwed at the crime scene. Sara had to understand that. For Catherine, no matter how hot she may have felt toward Sara at any moment, it was always about work first. What had happened at the Excalibur was a lapse in judgment. Everyone had them and Catherine was no exception. She had worked her ass off to get a job working as a lab tech nearly twenty years ago. She wasn't going to jeopardize everything she had worked just for Sara.

But Catherine couldn't help but feel why she shouldn't jeopardize everything for Sara. She loved her, right? Right? Catherine just couldn't answer that question no matter how much she pushed herself to. She knew that Sara was waiting on her to make a decision but she just couldn't make the leap. Catherine just couldn't help but think that first time that Sara and Catherine got together. It was rushed and passionate but she never felt any sort of love stirring between them then. If anything, Sara seemed to be latching onto Catherine as a support. Sara shouldn't need to use me as a support if she has Grissom. Grissom was Sara's knight in shining armor. But now that Catherine was thinking about it, Sara did seem to be doing more and more without Grissom's hovering presence. But why? Grissom and Sara had always been odd individually but she always assumed that their various quirks would come together to make at least a working marriage. Certainly not a passionate or loving one, Catherine smirked to herself. Grissom was as passionate as a dead fish washed up to shore.

"Catherine, if you aren't here mentally then you might as well leave physically while you're at it. You're taking up valuable space that I don't keep for CSIs that daydream on the clock."

Catherine guiltily looked at 's angry face and lowers her head, "Sorry, Al. Won't happen again."

's statement alerts Catherine to her own action as of late. "Why the hell am I doing this, thinking about Sara at every available opportunity? I'm doing exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do. Losing track of my responsibilities to Sara."

Catherine looks up to see that Sara is staring at her with her brown eyes as wide as saucers. Why is she staring at me like that? Did she somehow hear my thoughts? Sara is many things but clairvoyant I think not.

Sara turns toward and has a look on her face like she's going to be sick, "Umm…? I have to go…you know girl stuff?"

looks exasperated at Sara and David frowns in annoyance before whispering in 's ear, "I just cleaned up in here, Doctor. I really don't need another accident tonight. My wife is going to kill me."

"David, there won't be another accident for you to clean up. Sara is a woman not a faucet. Blood doesn't come shooting out like that, David. At most you might need to get a paper towel."

"Either way, I'm stuck cleaning it up," David starts to usher Sara out of the morgue. "I hope you don't take this personally, Sara but I really don't want to clean it up."

"What is she doing," Catherine wonders while looking toward the entrance of the morgue. "It's probably something stupid like have to call Grissom before he goes to bed."

Sara pokes her head inside the morgue again and makes a come here motion with her index finger. Catherine sighs in annoyance but also equal parts of excitement. Whatever Sara had planned it had to be better than listening to two grown men talk about the average menstrual flow of a woman Sara's age. Catherine exits herself out and sees Sara starting to take off her lab coat and right before she started to hang it up Catherine grabs her shoulder.

"You seem to be moving awfully slow for someone who was complaining about cramps just a second ago."

"That was obviously a lie," Sara rolls her eyes at Catherine's response. "You want to go have some fun?"

Catherine couldn't believe what she was hearing. Weren't they at work? Weren't they always fighting with each other?

"Are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Why wouldn't you not be? I can answer that question, you and I can barely even stand in the same area without fighting. You're married to one of my best friends. I'm in a relationship."

Sara sighs and looks Catherine in the eyes, "I'm not going to say anymore until you agree to hang out with me."

Catherine looks Sara up and down and nods her consent. What could it hurt to have a little fun? Looking at her watch Catherine saw that they were almost off the clock anyway. Maybe her and Sara could have a little fun with each other for once before verbally attacking each other like they always do.

"Maybe I'll even get her drunk again. That'll certainly be an icebreaker like it was four years ago." Catherine contemplated while waiting for Sara to sign herself out of the lab. Maybe this was what she wanted. They clearly could never get together for a real relationship but for just a couple of hours they could have fun without all the emotional angst following them around. Catherine was surprised at herself for being so excited and hoped that maybe she was just picking up on Sara's mood. It had been a long time for Catherine since she'd felt this excited about anything.

"You ready," Sara smiles at Catherine before opening the passenger door for Catherine. "for the night of your life?"

Catherine chuckled at Sara's words, "You mean the morning of my life? The suns coming out in case you've forgotten to open your eyes. So where are we going first?"

"Breakfast. Got to get some energy in you for later."

Was Sara seriously alluding to them having sex later? That certainly was bold coming from Sara. Catherine started to smile again when Grissom's voice suddenly came from inside Sara's purse. Catherine was scared shitless and Sara looked a little shocked as well but managed to with strain most of her shock from reaching her face.

"I have to get that. Do you mind if I talk outside for a minute?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N-Here's another chapter which, amazingly, I finished right before orientation. I can't decide whether to make Grissom into a insensitive douchebag or just completely clueless when it comes to Sara. Clueless would work better for the story but I love reading fanfics where Grissom is just a heartless jackass to Sara. I do love my angst after all. I tried to do a little bit of both that way I can decide later which one I want to work with. Thanks for R/R. :)**

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Count on Grissom to interrupt at the most inopportune time. Sara was this close to finally reestablishing what she and Catherine once had with each other four years ago. Even if what Sara could only have with Catherine is a sexual relationship she'd take it over nothing. God damn it, Grissom. Must you be such an idiot? Mumbling something to Catherine about the phone call, Sara starts to exit her car while trying to answer Grissom before his stupid ringtone continued any further. Anytime Grissom would call Sara's cell phone Grissom's voice would come up shouting some incoherent nonsense about ladybug reproduction rates. Sara smiled at the memory of Grissom's shocked face when she replayed his recorded voice over her phone's speakers. That was a fun day, Sara remembered. It was one of the few times that Sara could remember being happy with Grissom but more importantly, it was the few times Grissom was happy with Sara. Lately, with Grissom's teaching job taking up most of his time Grissom was even more ghost like. Sighing, Sara pushes the receive button on her phone to take Grissom's call. Hopefully, this whole process will be done fairly quickly. Answering Grissom's phone calls was becoming a responsibility and Sara was becoming frustrated with his never-ending calls about various poker games or Scrabble matches with the other guest professors.

"Gil, how are you?"

Grissom sighs in the same way that he always did when answering Sara's phone call, "I've been calling you all night. I thought maybe you were on a case so I waited till now to call you back a fifth time. Are you free?"

"Obviously if I'm answering you Grissom but really I'm fine," Sara exaggerates to try to make Grissom feel bad, "Don't worry about me. Really."

"I know you, Sara. You don't need me to hold your hand. You're a grown woman."

Sara leans back against her car door and looks up at the bright sunshine starting to peek out from the mountainside. Why couldn't he just once worry about her? All she wanted from Grissom was to acknowledge that she needed to be loved and cared for. Grissom didn't love Sara. He treated her like his most prized possession. Something to be looked at on the coffee table but not really used or touched and that was what Sara could never understand about Grissom. He went out of his way to find her in Costa Rica but had no problem leaving her in Las Vegas. But Sara realized that one of the reasons why he left her was because he believed so strongly that Sara would be fine and there was no use talking to Grissom when he believed something. He was the kind of man that believed in things only after fully using his scientific knowledge on it with copious amounts of testing. Sara's character was just another thing he had tested and proven to be correct and true. Grissom assumed that Sara was happy to follow his around Paris blindly. When Sara left, Grissom was so shocked by the whole thing he stayed at the Sorbonne the whole next day and refused to come home. Grissom just couldn't stand to get something wrong especially something like Sara, his prized possession.

"Grissom, I have to go. I'm entertaining company. I can call you back right?"

"What do you mean you're entertaining company? At six o-clock in the morning?"

Sara was starting to get a little freaked out by Grissom's questions. He was asking everything in the way that the old Grissom would. Logically and purposefully. Sara didn't want Grissom to figure out that she was spending time with Catherine but at the same time if she lied to him he would figure it out eventually.

"I'm going out with Catherine. I invited her to breakfast with me."

Grissom makes a small surprised sound then starts to chuckle slightly, "Wow. I never thought you two would get along so well to have breakfast with each other. There's got to be a catch. Nick and Greg must be with you guys."

Sara makes a noncommittal sound to Grissom and sees Catherine looking at her from inside the car. Catherine was trying to be sly about it but was failing badly. Every time Catherine tried to watch Sara inconspicuously Sara was right there to follow her eyes. Sara noticed that Catherine seemed to fumbling with something or other and couldn't help wondering what it was. She couldn't be putting on her makeup since she clearly didn't need it. Knowing Catherine she was probably snooping around trying to find information out. Sara was spending so much time wondering about what exactly Catherine was doing that Sara didn't even notice Grissom still waiting on the line for her to respond to something he just asked her.

"What did you just say, Gil," Sara walks toward the driver's side of the car, "I'm not really listening to what you're saying. Catherine is trying to be a snoop."

Nothing had to be funnier than Catherine look on her face at that exact moment. It was the quintessential holy-shit-she-saw-me face that only came once every blue moon with Catherine. Catherine was apparently in the process of looking at Sara's iTouch and scrolling through her playlists. Trying to rearrange everything, Sara turned around to give Catherine some privacy and finish the conversation with Grissom.

"You didn't hear me, Sara? I was just telling you that the class I was going to teach was rescheduled for a later date in the year. Something about the pond beetles not having enough light in the winter."

Sara sighed trying to subconsciously tell Grissom to move on with it. The sun was now starting to fully enter the lightening sky and the heat was sure to come with it. Sara couldn't help but think that maybe living in Las Vegas has given her a heat tolerance but Sara can't help but think that must be a urban myth. Sweat was already starting to slowly make its way down her back and breasts. Nothing is more uncomfortable for a woman than sweat going down your breasts, Sara thought miserably. But with one thought came another. Maybe, I could get Catherine in the shower? Or maybe even the Jacuzzi that Grissom just had installed. Catherine looked like a Jacuzzi woman.

"Sara, you're wasting my minutes if you aren't going to talk or even listen."

Sara's exasperated sigh comes out of her mouth before she even has time to think, "Well, I told you I had company. God forbid I think about something other than you, Grissom."

The silence over the phone just gives Sara ample time to envision Grissom; sitting alone with Hank in his khaki and sweater/vest combo, slumping over in his chair like a little boy with a frown on his face. Even though Grissom got on Sara's last nerves she still couldn't help but want to take care of him. Catherine was a totally different kind of attraction for Sara. But Sara couldn't help but think that thinking about someone else while talking to Grissom was risky to say the least. Grissom could be telepathic at times.

"Grissom, I'm sorry. It's just I've had a rough night and I'm hungry beyond belief. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Why call me? Didn't you hear me earlier?"

"No…what did you say?"

"I'm coming home, Sara. I know we've been a little out of touch with each other so I wanted to come home instead of staying in Paris for a couple more months."

Sara's mouth opened and refused to close. Her whole plans to seduce Catherine had been carefully laid out over a period of weeks. She wanted to let Catherine know she was serious about their relationship by wining and dining her and not fucking each other senseless in a new hotel for a couple of days. Maybe Sara had misheard Grissom?

"When are you exactly," Sara's mouth had become parched and she closed her mouth so she could speak, "coming home? You can stay in Paris if you want? I don't want to inconvenience you."

"I'll be home sooner than you think, Sara. Don't worry. I know you miss me and I miss you too."

Grissom hangs up the phone and Sara proceeds to panic. It can't be healthy to have several panic attacks over the span of a couple of hours. Of course Grissom uses this time to decide to be coy and romantic. When the hell was he going to be home? Sara couldn't bring Catherine back to her house now. How could she explain that? Sara opens the car door and sits in the driver's seat without turning to face a confused Catherine.

"Are you okay," Catherine says with a small amount of confusion, "You look like you just had to eat meat."

Sara turns her head toward Catherine and realizes that Catherine is still playing around with her iTouch. Apparently, Catherine has settled on listening to a Madonna song and is lightly tapping her feet to the beat. Sara can't believe that she's going to be the one to break this image of relaxation that Catherine has found herself in but she has no choice.

"Catherine, we have a problem."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N-Done with orientation and back to Angstville! Population: Catherine, Sara, and more. :)**

**But seriously, here's another chapter update. Keep R/R it makes me happy and I love reading what you guys think about where I'm taking these characters. **

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After listening to Sara's spiel about Grissom being completely clueless and talking about coming back to Vegas at an undisclosed time in the future, Catherine was understandably annoyed. Count on Grissom to decide to come back to the states right before her and Sara could finally get together again. All Catherine wanted was a least one night with Sara and quite frankly that was all she would probably get or be able to take. Sara has a husband. Catherine has a boyfriend that truly cares for her. Why risk everything to start a relationship that would never finish? Sara however seemed to think differently and couldn't stop giving Catherine looks that clearly weren't on the Lets-Be-Friends-And-Fuck-Each-Other-Senseless scale. Catherine didn't know what to do except what she normally did in these situations and that was argue over anything and everything which is what was happening as Sara and her were eating pancakes.

For some reason they had started talking about pancakes and ended up arguing about political things like the oil spill in the Gulf and gay rights. Sara didn't seem annoyed that Catherine was dodging the issue that concerned them and Grissom. If anything Sara seemed to want to argue about something with Catherine besides the obvious Grissom.

"Okay, Sara," Catherine leaned into Sara's personal space over the table, "You tell me why people think it's so wrong for gays to have the same rights as everyone else. Act like you're ignorant."

Sara raises her eyebrows slightly and shakes her head in annoyance, "Come one Cath, that's not fair and you know it. Not all people that don't want hetero rights extended to gays have to be ignorant. I'm not going to play this game with you anymore if you start acting…inconsiderate to other opinions."

"So, you're one of them aren't you, Sara. I never took you for an anti-gay movement supporter."

"I never said that, Catherine. You assumed. You know what happens when you assume, Cath."

"Yeah and I have no problem being an ass and I know you don't either since you frequently end up being one. So," Catherine playfully narrows her eyes toward Sara, "are you the enemy or are you?"

"Honestly, Catherine…I don't feel anything about rights that gays should or shouldn't have. I'm not gay so it doesn't affect me."

Catherine looks at Sara incredulously, "Then what the hell do you consider what me, Sara? A man in drag? I'm a woman as are you. If you wanting to sleep with me doesn't constitute being a lesbian, I don't know what will."

"It's my sexuality, Catherine. Not yours. I'm married to a man but I want to fuck a woman. See the difference, Catherine? I put married first and you second. That's how it should be and always will be."

"Do you honestly believe that? Why the hell are you trying so hard to get me in bed if it's just a fling? Because if what you want is just a quick roll in the hay…"

Sara slams her hands onto the table causing Catherine's coffee and Sara's tea to slosh onto the tablecloth. Other early morning risers turn around noisily to watch the two women give each other death stares. Sara leans over the table to whisper to Catherine, "How dare you tell me what's right or wrong in the way that I'm acting. When did you become so high and mighty over your feelings? You feel just as screwed up about this as I do and you know it."

"Yeah, I do…but I'm willing to give a lot more than you are," Catherine sighs sadly, "Even though Grissom treats you like his puppy dog you like that sort of thing and follow him blindly. You know what they call that, Sara? You're getting comfortable with your life and Grissom's place in it. God forbid you leave your little bubble of unhappiness and security for me. I mean what do I have to offer you? Nothing…except for passion and trust. You trust me with your feelings don't you Sara? When's the last time you told Grissom anything about yourself? I know that I could never offer you the intellectual stimulation that he does but I can make up for that with other things. Sara…say something, stop me, something!"

Sara rolls her eyes while ignoring Catherine's long dialogue. After a couple of minutes of silence on both of their parts Sara looks out the window at the bright Vegas sky and Catherine followed suit trying to understand Sara's actions. The heat was really starting to descend upon Vegas and was visibly wafting from the pavement of the restaurant and the tarred streets. Everything was moving around in front of Catherine's eyes and she couldn't help but wonder how Sara must be feeling. What was she doing trying to argue with Sara anyway? Sara didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Catherine knew she wouldn't have liked it if Sara started arguing with her when she was trying to think. Sighing, Catherine muttered something to Sara about paying for breakfast and got up from the booth.

After slinging her credit card over to the clerk at the register, Catherine looks around mindlessly. Sara's mood had changed from relatively content to thoughtful in a period of fifteen seconds. Just when you think you understand Sara's actions she does something totally different and unexplainable leaving Catherine just hanging in the balance looking lost and confused. For some reason, Catherine's mind stops thinking about Sara for a moment and returns back to a single car in the parking lot. Why was this one car so important? It wasn't anything particularly flashy or extravagant. After taking her receipt and her card from the clerk Catherine still couldn't place the importance of the car. While walking up to her and Sara's booth, Catherine realized why the car was grating on her memory.

"Hey, Cath. You didn't tell me and Greggo about breakfast. We're hurt."

With Nick's boyish face it was impossible to not smile even with Sara's death stare aimed her way. Why the hell is she mad with me? I haven't done anything besides pay for breakfast. Does she honestly think I called them up to get in her way? Catherine's smile was visibly starting to waver while she tried to pay attention to the Greg and Nick's talking. What the hell did Greg just say?

"Wait a minute, Nicky. Greg," Catherine turns away from Sara's dark eyes and focuses on Greg, "did you just say that Hodges called you at two o-clock in the morning last night? Why in the hell would he do that?"

Greg laughs at Catherine's incredulous face, "You're asking the wrong one. I asked him about it and he said that he must have hit the wrong button while trying to call his girlfriend."

Nick nudges Sara's arm with a smile, "Well, we know Hodges must be lying. Who would want to go out with Hodges? Willingly?"

Catherine, Nick, and Greg laugh at the idea of Hodges having a girlfriend but Sara looks up at all of them and slumps in her seat. Catherine can't help but think that Sara's slight annoyance with Catherine has quickly developed into depression. Noticing that maybe the boys sudden arrival may be the cause of it Catherine grabs Sara from the booth.

"Hey, guys, me and Sara don't want to be rude but we're going to go leave before it gets crazy hot outside. You don't mind do you?"

Nick and Greg shrug and begin to play Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide on who's going to pay for their breakfast. Catherine begins to drag Sara out of the restaurant and when they reach the Sara's car, Catherine turns them away from the windows of the restaurant.

"What the hell is wrong, Sara? Can I really do nothing right with you or am I doomed to failure?"

Sara looks up at Catherine like Catherine just decided to eat glue, "You just left to pay my bill, Catherine. You allowed Greg and Nick to just show up. What do you think my problem is?"

"Honestly, if I knew, Sara," Catherine tries to caress Sara's face but Sara turns away, "I wouldn't be asking. I'd do something about it and handle the situation. But at least give me something here."

"I'm tired of giving people something, Catherine. I give to Grissom. I give to you at work. Now you want me to give to you out of work as well?"

Catherine takes her hands off of Sara's shoulders and looks back at Sara's cold eyes, "Sara…I can't give you anything unless you open yourself a bit more. I know we don't have all the time in the world to get to know each other before sleeping together but…I don't want it to be a rush like it was last time."

"You thought it was a rush when we first got together, Catherine?"

"Yes," Catherine says while turning her head toward the Vegas horizon, "You didn't?"

Sara breathes deeply and steps toward Catherine. Catherine prepares herself for maybe a kiss but again receives nothing but a cold shoulder. Sara has already starting walking toward the driver's side of the car with the same purposeful air that she had earlier in the morning.

"I can't talk about this here. Too many people are here…but one thing I want to let you know, Catherine. Don't bring up Grissom anymore and secondly don't pay for anything while I'm around. I set this whole thing up so I should be the one to pay."

"You set this up, Sara," Catherine giggles, "Do you consider setting up spending a quick twenty seconds thinking about what you wanted to fill your stomach up with planning now?"

Sara looks offended before speaking, "What are you talking about, Cath? It was so like…fifty seconds. Technically, fifty seconds to twenty minutes could be considered planning."

"Fifty seconds to twenty minutes," Catherine rolls her eyes playfully, "you must really think that I'm an idiot."

"I don't think that idiots exist. Everyone is smart at something whether it's wiping floors or abusing people. It takes a certain talent to do something if not everything in this world."

"So…what's my talent, Sara?"

"Looking sexy while doing anything and everything. I'd figured you'd know that though since you were a dancer. What did you tell me your stripper name was?"

"I never did. You know what you have to do to learn that piece of info?"

"What?"

Catherine walks toward Sara's face and notices that with each step Sara's eyes grow more similar to a deer caught in the headlights. Whispering softly in Sara's ear, Catherine can't help but be pretty smug with how she's handled things with Sara. I'm still in control, Catherine couldn't help thinking.

Sara leans back to look Catherine in the eyes with a slightly frightened look, "Oh my god…I have to do that just to know what your stripper name is? Why all the smoke and mirrors? Are you a secret vampire?"

"Ohh…so clever, Sara because that's why I'm out in the daylight. So where are we going next?"

"My house. I know, I know, You-Know-Who could come home at any moment but…I honestly don't give a flying fuck anymore. I know that I've got to have you today. I won't be able to last at work much longer."

"Well, I give a flying fuck about You-Know Who. Let's just go to my house. No interruptions are certainly a bigger turn on for me than interruptions at any given moment."

Sara closes her eyes and nods at Catherine's plan. Catherine walks back to the passenger side door and winks at Sara over the top of the car. She was going to show Sara a morning she was never going to forget. Hopefully, each of their respective lives would stay away for at least a couple more hours.


	10. Interlude Chapter 9 and a Half

**A/N-This is going to be a long A/N so stick me. :) **

**Firstly, this is a chapter from Grissom's perspective. It's not actually chapter 10 but a kind of interlude in the story that's why I called it chapter 9.5. Interludes like this may be used more often if I get positive feedback from everyone who R/R. So remember to R/R after reading. **

**Secondly, I put this chapter in here because I want some pity for Grissom. I know, I know, I said I was going to treat Grissom like an asshole but...I just can't help but give him some pity for his situation. I mean seriously...how would you feel if your wife was sleeping with your BF...who happens to be a woman on top of that? Pretty shitty, I hope.**

**Third, this is a chunky chapter. A lot of words. Also, there's some GSR action in here but just a couple of paragraphs. I can already hear the reviews now, "Damn, GSR before CSR? What is this a Grissom/Sara fanfic?" but don't worry, Catherine and Sara will have their time. Trust me. **

**Now start reading...enjoy!**

**P.S. The line breaks indicate that Grissom is in a flashback or flashforward(Is that a word?). Just in case you didn't get it.**

* * *

After sitting next to a cranky five year old that refused to stop whining about having jam on his toast and not jelly, Grissom was really annoyed. The flight back to Vegas was exhausting and long. Everything kept going wrong from the minute he got on the plane. First, the front desk said he wasn't registered for the flight. Second, the flight was all booked and the next trip out to Vegas was going to be two weeks from today. Grissom couldn't help but think that was a bad omen but since he didn't believe in omens he ignored it and pleaded with the front desk to get him on the plane. The typical run around occurred but after forty minutes of discussion with the flight attendants and a quick count of the passengers Grissom was finally allowed on the plane.

Even after all of that tribulation Grissom still got stuck next to this whiny brat for eight plus hours. Grissom normally didn't mind these things but after his conversation with Sara he was on edge for some reason. He just couldn't shake the possibility that something was wrong. Grissom normally never felt this way about Sara being in Vegas. After all she was a grown woman with her own desires he supposed. He never wished for Sara to become his pet that he kept under his thumb but she never complained about being with him. Grissom couldn't help remembering how Sara described it, "following him around Paris", but Grissom never thought she was following. If anything she seemed glad for awhile to have someone to focus completely on but then things just changed when he brought up Catherine one night. Grissom could remember that night so completely and for some reason he didn't understand why he could remember that so clearly over all the other memories they'd shared together. Their first kiss, the first time they had slept together, their honeymoon…all of those memories had been erased in exchange for that one night. Wondering why, Grissom began to nod off in his seat with the sound of the annoying five year old and the quiet sounds of his music playing in his ears.

* * *

"Grissom, where have you been? I swear to God you never remember that I'm waiting for you back home do you?" Sara says with a smile on her face.

Grissom can't help but wonder how he was allowed to marry such a beautiful and lively young woman like Sara Sidle. He'd always expected himself to marry someone like that forensic anthropologist who was so smitten with him many years ago but somehow Grissom struck gold when he got Sara and he loved to make sure that Sara knew it.

Sara snaps her fingers playfully in front of Grissom's face, "Earth to Grissom? You in there?"

"Yes," Grissom shakes his head and smiles at Sara, "yes, I'm here. What's for dinner, anyway? I really don't feel like eating one of your veggie casseroles…"

Sara opens her mouth and quickly crosses her arms, "Well, congratulations Gil. You get cold veggie casserole because you refuse to come in from work on time."

Grissom sighs and walks to his and Sara's room to begin to take a shower. While taking off his clothes and carefully folding them before putting them in the dirty clothes hamper he doesn't notice Sara following him silently into the bedroom. Grissom couldn't help but think of one thing and that was that damn cold veggie casserole. Sara knew how much he hated it. It tasted like grass collected from the local park and cooked with spices with some cheese sprinkled on the top. Every time Grissom thought about That-Damn-Casserole he instantly formed in his mind the words, Devil's Food. Still preoccupied, Grissom continued to go through the rhythm of turning the water on in the shower before heating it to a semi-blistering temperature. Why he did this, Grissom had no idea. Maybe it relaxed him but ever since he got married to Sara he's always done it before taking a shower. This preoccupation allowed Sara to sneak up behind Grissom before he even knew she was there which causes him to be understandably shocked.

"Damn it, Sara. Why didn't you knock?"

"I didn't think I had too since we've been married for so long. You know connection and all that romantic nonsense."

Grissom rolls his eyes at her obvious contradiction, "If we have a connection how can it be romantic nonsense? Do I have to give you the meaning of nonsense, Ms. Sidle?"

Sara walks up to the fogged mirror and starts to shrug off her clothes before stepping into the shower. Grissom can't help but wonder what exactly Sara is thinking at this moment. She always seemed to be constantly floating away from Grissom. Either by her own choice or naturally just reserved, Sara flitted away whenever Grissom tried to approach her with love or trust. After awhile he couldn't help wondering why he still tried to catch her when she clearly didn't want to be caught.

"Grissom," Sara looks back at Grissom through the opaque glass of the shower door, "I want you to fuck me."

Grissom looks down before briefly looking back up and noticing that Sara has disappeared behind a wall of steam. Grissom never truly hated Sara's various idiosyncrasies but this was one thing that truly annoyed Grissom to no end. It wasn't even the act that gave Grissom such distress but the way Sara asked for it. It used to be just a fun thing that she would ask for back in Vegas that would make her orgasm like nothing else but lately ever since moving to Vegas it was the only thing she wanted to do sexually. Why did she only want to do that one act, Grissom couldn't help asking himself every time she asked for it.

"I don't want to, Sara. Why won't you let me make love to you anymore?"

The silence in the bathroom is deafening but Grissom knows there's no point in asking Sara these things. Sara has the annoying habit of ignoring things and issues she didn't want to address. Who knew that Sara's secret talent was the art of ignoring things till they went away? But Grissom was no better. He let things pass with her whenever she flitted away from an issue. Grissom asked Sara if she wanted to go to Vegas before leaving to Paris for his teaching job but she just ignored him and started packing her bags in silence.

Sighing, Grissom walks into the shower to see Sara, glistening from the hot water and the moonlight reflecting from her body. Thank god he left the window open earlier in the day. Grissom didn't want to ever lose this image from his mind. Sara looked exactly like some legendary goddess descended from the heavens and with the slight glint in her eyes, Sara knew exactly how she looked from Grissom's perspective. Not wasting time with words, Sara walked toward Grissom and grabs his shoulders.

"You love me, right?"

"Why do you even ask, Sara?"

"Would you do anything for me?"

"Would you, Sara?"

The silence of hesitation surrounds Grissom and Sara while Sara puts her head down slightly as if to avert her eyes from the lie that she knows she's about to make and Grissom knows that Sara's about to lie. He's known this for a long time. She always does when it comes to them as a couple. Despite knowing this he has never brought it up to Sara because it would be like calling the kettle black. Grissom was never exactly truthful with Sara either.

When he was working late, he was rarely working. Tonight he spent four hours just walking around Paris just observing things but mostly people. In Paris, people were always in a perpetual state of loving, hating, or communicating. Watching these various interactions gave him a kind of peace that he needed before coming home to Sara. Grissom couldn't help thinking that Sara was a full time job that required patience that he couldn't give and that frustrated him to no end. Why could he give her anything but that? Grissom was startled from his thoughts when Sara grabbed his semi-erect penis and started yanking it softly.

"Does this thing ever get hard? And you wonder why I never make love to you…your equipment's broken," Sara laughs to herself.

Grissom is having none of it and pushes her against the shower wall and stares at her shocked face. For once Sara's eyes are filled with something other than smugness but fear and, oddly enough, pure lust directed toward Grissom. Grissom tries to lean back to apologize about pushing her so hard against the wall but Sara closes the distance with her lips. Sara moves her hands to the base of Grissom's neck and starts messaging the area that she knows are one of his sweet spots. Moaning slightly, Grissom tries to maintain his resolve. He's not going to do that with Sara anymore. He's going to make love to her in a traditional missionary style and she's going to like it but after one look into Sara's lustful eyes, he just couldn't bring himself to say no.

Breaking from Sara's soft lips he lowers himself down to the floor of the shower, nipping and teasing every part of Sara's flesh on the way to his destination. When he finally arrived at her glistening sex he couldn't help but lick his lips in preparation. Grissom couldn't stand doing this because of many different reasons but the after taste was a big reason on that list. Grissom always wanted to ask about that aftertaste but could never get up the courage. Leaning forward on the balls of his feet, Grissom started to lightly lick Sara's inner lips. With each little moan of satisfaction made by Sara he continued confidently by holding down Sara's moving hips.

With each lick Grissom couldn't help but think about the aftertaste. It was grossing him out right now. Instead of thinking about Sara's pleasure and getting her to climax all he could think about was that damn veggie casserole. That's what her aftertaste reminds me of, Grissom grimaced. There was no way he could get in the mood after that revelation. Risking a look down at his equipment, Grissom realized things weren't looking good on that front either. Debating whether he should tell Sara or not about his predicament he was amazed to see that she was practically continuing where Grissom left off on her own. Leave it to Sara to masturbate in the middle of sex, Grissom thought wryly.

"Why the hell am I down here if she's just going to finish by herself? Am I not needed," Grissom wondered while closing his eyes with a look of utter resignation.

Standing up, Grissom walks toward the water switch to turn off the now cold shower but is stopped halfway through his actions after listening to Sara's whispered chant. Sara was so out of it that she didn't realize that she was speaking out loud or that Grissom had even stopped his actions but even then Grissom couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Cath…Catherine…please, let me come," Sara's eyes are staring blankly in the distance, probably at a fantasy Catherine that Sara's conjured up from past memories.

After leaving the shower Grissom couldn't help but feel slightly angry and disappointed in himself and his actions. Grissom's mind went back and forth on whether he should be mad at Catherine, the fantasy, or mad at himself, the reality, but for some reason he couldn't do it. Why be mad at Catherine? Catherine didn't even know about Sara's little sexual obsession so why treat her like the bad guy in this whole situation?

Closing the shower door quietly behind him Grissom couldn't help but finally put the pieces together when it came to their sexual relationship, "So this is why she constantly wants me to go down on her but refuses me to even think about penetration of any kind, unless it's my fingers. Sara wants me to be…"

Grabbing a bath towel Grissom can't help but feel used and like he just wasted a potentially good shower. If she just wanted to masturbate to a fantasy she could have done that in bed…alone. But why did he feel disappointed in himself? If anything he should have felt disappointed in Sara but a nagging feeling that wouldn't go away kept rising to the surface of Grissom's conscious. If he had just loved her more this wouldn't have happened. Why else would a grown woman masturbate right in front of her husband while fantasizing about his best friend? Grissom sighed to himself. Lately that's all he'd been doing with Sara; sighing and thinking to himself. What a way to live, he chuckled sarcastically.

After walking into their bedroom Grissom noticed a pair of red flannel pants. Sara knew he loved flannel on cold nights like this…was she using this as a ploy, he couldn't help wondering. It would be just like Sara to know she was going to do this and plan accordingly. Sara never stopped planning for anything. Stop being paranoid, Grissom tried to tell himself.

"I'm so exhausted with this bullshit, Sara. Why can't we just be normal? Love each other normally. Have 2.5 kids, Hank, and our poster home. I'd really like that," Grissom mused to himself while putting his flannel pants on. Deciding to disregard the shirt Sara had lain out in front of him he sat down on their bed and leaned back with another heavy sigh.

"What should I do, Sara? What do you want me to say to make you stop doing this? To love me without using fantasies to get through every minute you have to spend with me?"

Closing his eyes for just a minute he imagined him and Sara happy and in love like a normal married couple. Trying to stay positive Grissom thought about what exactly was normal in a relationship. If Grissom wanted normal he wouldn't have given everything up for her. In a way, he had invested his life in a messed up girl with emotional problems. Damn…shouldn't I have thought about this before saying I do? Grissom couldn't help but scorn himself for being emotionally stunted. If he wasn't he probably would have been able to see this thing with Sara much sooner and handled it before it became a problem.

Opening his eyes again Grissom saw that the lights were turned off and Sara had snuggled her way into his arms. He looked at the nightstand clock and wondered how in the world he had gone to sleep for so long. When did minutes become hours? Bur more importantly, Sara was asleep. He couldn't wake her up to talk about what happened but he couldn't just let her sleep like what happened wasn't that big of deal either. She fit comfortably in his embrace, almost as if she was born to be there. This has to be right, Grissom thought. If it's not right how come it feels so right? If she wasn't happy…wouldn't she have told me? Grissom told his brain to rest for awhile and have at least this one moment with Sara when suddenly however, his cell phone rang. Who could that be? Grabbing his cell phone off the side table he looked at the screen and saw a name he never thought would call him in the middle of the night. Catherine Willows. Laughing at the irony, Grissom lifted himself from Sara's warm body and took the call outside on the balcony.

"Catherine," Grissom tries to have a mock serious tone in his voice but fails miserably, "you do realize what time it is, right?"

Catherine laughs lightly, "My shift's about to start but thanks for asking, Gil."

"I mean over here, Catherine."

"Hmm…why should I care? I call on my schedule, Gil. If I called on your schedule I'd never call would I?"

Grissom rolls his eyes at Catherine's witty statement, "How can I help you, Catherine? God forbid I be busy but I'm not running at your schedule so…what can you do?"

"I just wanted to let you know, before you heard it from Ecklie or Sara," Catherine inhales deeply before letting the breath out loudly over the speaker, "we're short staffed here and we need some help."

"I'm not coming back, Catherine. You of all people know that."

"I know and I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about your wife, Sara. She's expressed some interest to Ecklie that she wants to come back part time."

If Catherine could see Grissom's shocked face she would have laughed and wanted to comforted Grissom at the same time. He looked comical but still equally hurt. Why hadn't Sara come to him first about this? This was a big decision that involved everyone in their family…right? Grissom turned around absentmindedly to look at the woman he was slowly starting to lose and remarkably enough she was up and out of bed. Sara's whole body language exuded guilty but for some reason Grissom just couldn't bring himself to blame her for her actions. All Grissom could think about was how he had pressed Sara to this point by not loving her enough in the way she needed to be loved. Now she not only was having sexual fantasies about his best friend but she also wanted to leave him to go half-way around the world.

Sara's face was shocked when Grissom walked right by her with not even a second glance as he walked toward the bathroom. Closing the door, Grissom sat on the floor and began to rock back and forth like a small child. He didn't know what to do about Sara or himself. All he knew was that somehow his marriage was breaking up in front of his very eyes and he could do nothing to stop it. Slowly one tear slid down Grissom's cheek and the flood of tears soon followed. He tried to stop them but all that caused was his mouth to open with a whimper of sadness. Grissom hoped that Sara couldn't hear him. He had no interest in seeing her trying to comfort him with her fake attempts to care. All it would have done was made him more annoyed at himself.

Sara was backed against the door, tears streaming down her face. Unlike Grissom's tears of distress Sara's tears were of overwhelming excitement. All Sara could think about was one thing, "I'm going to see Catherine again. Finally."

* * *

Grissom woke up to the flight attendant's voice proclaiming that they were finally approaching Las Vegas and should start to fasten their seatbelts and turn off their electronics. Looking around, Grissom realized he was one of the first to wake up from the long flight and turned to look out the window of the plane. The bright Vegas sun was just starting to peak out of the mountains reflecting against the Luxor's black surface and Grissom realized how much he missed this place and all that it represented. He liked living in Paris but Vegas was always going to be his home. Despite how much he didn't like relationships he had set up some lifelong ones with his extended family of criminalists. Grissom was equally excited to see them just as he was excited to return to his home with Sara. Smiling, Grissom takes out his phone and speed dials a phone number. After a couple of rings, Sara's voicemail comes up.

"It's Sidle. You know what to do. Leave a message or hang up. Preferably hang up so I don't have to waste the time deleting this message but it's your decision," Loud barking is heard in the background of the recording, "Damn it, Grissom! Hank's humping my leg…again. You need to get his ass fixed or I swear to-BEEP."

"Hey, Sara. It's me. We're about to land. Do you think you could maybe pick your husband up at the airport? I'd appreciate it. Maybe we could do something after we land, get breakfast or hang out with Catherine…aren't you entertaining her? That's what you said right, last time we talked…Well, call me back when you get this message."


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N-Rushed this chapter because I'm heading out of town for a couple of days. Not too much to say for this chapter. I've been trying to take into account some comments made by Pumitas. Just for you, Pumitas, I tried to make Sara a little bit more sufferable and give Cath a little bit of her self esteem back. Hope you like. :)**

**Remember to R/R. Everytime you R/R a scientist comes that much closer to curing diseases like AIDS/HIV or cancer. You want to cure those diseases right? Well, R/R and you'll make a difference. (God...that sounded like a celebrity endorsed message brought to you by _McDonald's_. But seriously, R/R.)**

* * *

"This is so stupid, Catherine. I'm not twenty anymore and neither are you."

Catherine rolls her eyes as a small bead of sweat hits her eyes. Sara just couldn't figure out why Catherine was so scared of one little cockroach running around her kitchen. After trying to plead with Catherine that they should probably let the thing go on its way Catherine, in typical fashion, ignores her and proceeds to try bashing the cockroach with a broom. Catherine was now currently on her hands and knees looking for a cockroach that was probably on its way back to wherever cockroaches live. Catherine was determined to find this cockroach and wouldn't leave it alone.

"No, Sara. We're going to find this damn cockroach," Catherine starts to wiggle her body out of a tight spot, "If you let it go it'll think, 'Free buffet at the Willows' house!' or something like that."

Sara shakes her head with a small snicker, "Cockroaches don't eat scraps of food like rats do…unless you've got rats that I don't know about, Catherine."

"If you're not going to help then go, Sara."

"Maybe, I'll do that."

Sara walks out of the kitchen slowly to give Catherine enough time to respond back to her to stay but gets no response besides the batting sound of the broom. Why was Catherine being stand offish again? She was giving the green light all the way to her house but as soon as they got inside her house, things had changed. Sara couldn't help thinking that they had to talk about this but how would one bring that sort of topic up? Everything just came around to the fact that Sara wanted to fuck and go. Fuck Catherine and get it out of her system before Grissom came back. It wasn't like she cared about Grissom's feelings in anyway but…she just couldn't help thinking that what they were doing was just asking for trouble and Sara didn't want trouble anymore in a relationship. Sara wanted stability. If stability meant living with a man you didn't have passionate sex with then…maybe she'd learn to live with that. Sex isn't everything in a marriage after all, right?

"Hey, Catherine, can I play some music on your speakers," Sara yelled out to Catherine while poking around with her music player. Sara couldn't help but acknowledge how expensive the thing was. Sara couldn't help but feel an urge to snoop around Catherine's house to see if she had a pole somewhere in her bedroom.

"What are you going to play? I don't like anything too loud."

Sara laughs, "Too loud? You used to work in a strip club. I'm sure they had loud music there."

"Exactly," Catherine walks out toward Sara with a look of resignation on her face, "I've had enough loud music for a lifetime."

She must not have found her cockroach, Sara noted. Should I bring it up or shouldn't I bring it up? No time like the present, Sara thought but of course, Catherine has to be first to bring it up.

"Sara, can we please talk about this thing going on between us? All we've been doing lately is tiptoeing around the issue like it'll go away and I'm tired of it."

"You think I like tiptoeing around the issue, Catherine?"

"You must like it since you refuse to talk about this. I've given you plenty of chances to talk and you'd said no to them everytime."

Is she serious, Sara questioned to herself. When has she ever given me time to talk about what's going on between us?

"Wiggling your ass in front of my face while spraying bug repellant is hardly considered an opportunity to discuss a relationship, Catherine."

"I was hardly 'wiggling my ass', Sara. I was trying to handle my bug problem."

Sara shrugs while trying to decide which song to play on from her iTouch. After deciding on a song and hooking it up to Catherine's speakers, Sara walks toward Catherine to sit beside her on the couch.

"Catherine…you've been hot and cold all day. I find it hard enough as is to talk to you when you're receptive but when you're flip-flopping from, 'Hell yeah, fuck me' to 'We need to think about this'…it gets confusing."

Catherine turns around to face Sara and for the first time in a long time manages to surprise her with something she wasn't expecting. A simple hug with no sexual undertones or aggression but just a hug. For some reason, Sara couldn't remember the last time she had been hugged by someone else. Grissom tried to hug her at their wedding but she just pushed him away like he had an airborne virus. Thinking back, Grissom had tried to love her in the way that she needed him to but for some reason he just wasn't ever good enough to follow through. Maybe that was why she couldn't help but always be attracted by Catherine all these years. She was everything Grissom wanted and tried to be for Sara. For some reason Sara couldn't help but want to bring something up to Catherine that she should have brought up much sooner.

"Catherine," Sara sighs reluctantly, not really wanting to get this off her chest, "I need to talk to you and you need to just listen me while I say it."

After pulling back from the hug, Catherine shakes her head in agreement to Sara's request. Sara couldn't help but notice the fear in Catherine's face. Almost as if she was expecting Sara to say the absolute worst thing for her to hear. Sara couldn't help but think that what she about to say was going to be easily in the top worst things for her to say.

"I don't know how to say this, Cath…but you have a right to know. I know I'd want to know if I was you."

Catherine lightly caresses Sara's arm to try to make her feel comfortable with the situation, "Then tell me, Sara. We don't have all day."

"You broke up my marriage with, Grissom."

And here it comes, the deluge of emotion directed at me, thought Sara. As Sara prepared herself for the attack she was surprised when it didn't come.

"I'm not going to take responsibility for something I had no control over, Sara. Yes, we slept together. I'll take responsibility for that but not for your marriage be screwed up. You were the one that said 'I do' and not me. You could have told Grissom that you wanted to wait awhile before getting married but you didn't. So if your marriage is anyone's fault, it's ninety nine point nine percent yours."

"But how can you say that, Catherine. How can you just throw off your responsibility like that?"

As soon as Catherine takes her hand away from Sara's arm, Sara knows she's in for some trouble, "_My responsibility_? When did _your_ responsibility become _my_ responsibility? I don't know how black and white I have to be, Sara. Grissom is your husband and you decided to sleep with me. I really don't see how I factor into this."

"If I wasn't for you I would haven't known about another kind of love out there besides Grissom's."

"So you'd rather been completely ignorant instead of acknowledging reality and dealing with it," Catherine narrows her eyes toward Sara, "is that right, Sara? Because if that's the case you can just get the hell out of my house."

"Why are you always doing this, Catherine? I need time to think and you push me to confront? I gave you time why can't you give me time?"

"Because, Sara, I don't want to wait anymore. Every time you ask me to wait I start to think about how us sleeping together will affect everything in my life. For once I don't want to think about the consequences…I just want to act."

Sara leans back against the sofa and sighs. They'll never be on the same page with each other no matter how much they try to. Sara couldn't help but feel like they had rushed into something that couldn't be rushed into.

Standing up to face Catherine, Sara grabs Catherine's hand and smiles, "Maybe we should get on the same page with each other, Catherine. I'm sorry, I tried to rush this with you."

"It's okay, Sara. I'd rather you leave to think than act and feel guilty later on."

"Would it be okay if I called you later, when I've finished thinking about everything?"

Catherine is about to reply when Sara lifts up her finger to tell Catherine to wait just one moment. Who could be calling her, Sara couldn't help wondering but as soon as she saw the name she wondered why she even thought about who could be calling her.

Sara turns back to Catherine and gives her a look of sadness, "Grissom's calling…again. Damn it, he's left like ten messages."

Catherine walks past Sara and tries to peek at Sara's phone messages, "Hmm…video messages? Why's he sending you so many video messages?"

"He just learned how to so he's really excited to use it. Last week he sent me a video message of him taking a leak."

Sara looks at the most recent message Grissom has sent her and waits patiently for her voicemail to connect, "Hey, Sara. It's me. We're about to land. Do you think you could maybe pick your husband up at the airport? I'd appreciate it. Maybe we could do something after we land, get breakfast or hang out with Catherine…aren't you entertaining her? That's what you said right, last time we talked…Well, call me back when you get this message."

Sara looks at her Catherine's overhead clock and quickly calculates that Grissom called her about ten minutes ago.

"Ten minutes ago? How is that possible? I didn't feel any vibration from my phone," Sara turns around to face Catherine. She knows she probably has a shocked look on her face but she can't help it.

"I have to go…like right now. Long story short, Grissom's at the airport. Waiting for me to pick him up…damn it."

Catherine grabs both of their coats of the kitchen chairs and tosses Sara's over to her, "Well, let's go then."

"We don't go anywhere, Catherine. Grissom is expecting me and not you. Remember what you were saying about responsibility? Well, this is my responsibility."

Catherine rolls her eyes at Sara's statement, "Fine, if you don't want to me go then I won't go. All you have to do is say so, Sara."

"Will you be okay, of course you'll be okay, and you're Catherine Willows. Ex-stripper," Catherine coughs loudly at Sara's word choice, "sorry, ex-exotic dancer now a big bad CSI. Umm…Catherine, can I ask a question?"

"What?"

"Do you think I could get tonight off? I have to keep up the charade with Grissom after all…"

Catherine's stoic face tells Sara she should probably leave…like yesterday. Running out the door, Sara can't help but feel like she should stay with Catherine instead pretending to miss a man she really thought little about while he was away. But Sara knew that being with Catherine at this point would cause nothing but heartache for the both of them. She had to think about herself first before trying to include Catherine in her life, even if it was just going to be a fling.

Sighing, Sara prepared to put on her neutral face that she only used for three situations; when dealing with old people, annoying children, and Grissom. While opening her car door she swore she saw Catherine's face in the window but Sara didn't have the time to think about that. She was already late as is and Grissom was the kind of guy that had no problem waiting for you to show up somewhere. Instead of calling Nick, Greg, or even Ecklie he would entertain himself with something or other. Last time Sara was late picking him up from a flight Grissom started playing Pokémon.

"God…my life is just one big cesspool of suck isn't it? I have a husband who I don't love and a woman I love too much but can't commit to," Sara thought while slowly backing out of the driveway, "How complicated can my life get?"


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N-Apparently I'm not going out of town. So back to writing. Catherine in this chapter is...a drunk mess. She does a lot of things that I quite frankly can't help but be annoyed at but I'm deciding to go with it. When you're drunk you tend to make bad decisions afterall. I'm sure the readers will know what's going to happen next chapter but I'll try to surprise. Quite frankly...I'm just not happy with this chapter. So when you R/R try not to cut me down too much. Thanks in advance.**

* * *

After digesting her sixth glass of white wine Catherine realized that she was probably a little tipsy. Actually she was most definitely tipsy. Despite knowing this Catherine continued to drink her misery away while thinking about what Sara was doing right about now.

Why did she care anyway about what Sara was or wasn't doing? Catherine was trying to accept the fact that Sara had, finally, made a choice regarding the two of them but she just couldn't help but feel like it was the wrong choice. She couldn't help but feel a selfish impulse that Sara was hers and only hers. Yes, they hadn't consummated yet but it might as well be a fact. Grissom wouldn't be able to stop her if she went over to their house right now and took Sara away from him.

Feeling a sick pleasure at that seeing Grissom's clueless face as he snatched Sara away from him Catherine realized how a person could commit the crimes that she saw on a daily basis everyday but that still didn't make her feel any better. The vibration of her phone started on her hip and she gratefully answered it looking for a distraction from her thoughts.

"Willows," Catherine pushes her golden locks out of her face while slightly slurring her words, "What's up?"

Nick Stokes chuckling is obvious over the tiny speakers, "Damn, Cath. You sound like you just woke up on a bed of nails. What's up with you?"

Leave it to Nicky to get to the heart of a problem in ten seconds. Catherine wanted to tell Nick about everything that's gone on in the past couple of hours but would he understand? And more importantly would he not judge her? Sighing, Catherine decides to tell Nicky now before he learns through lab gossip what's been going on between her and Sara.

"Nicky, are you alone right now?"

"If alone means watching Greg try to make popcorn in the microwave that was made around the same time that Grissom was born then yes, I'm alone," Greg's small voice comes out of the speakers right on cue.

"Tell Greg I said hi, but seriously, Nicky," Catherine's voice wavers slightly despite her best efforts to calm her nerves, "I need to talk to you for a couple of minutes."

"Is it about you not coming in tonight? Listen, don't worry. Dr. Robbins is still handling the body anyway."

Catherine leans forward slightly and nearly tips over her full glass, "Is Sara there tonight? I mean…she told me earlier about not coming in tonight."

"Yeah, she called a couple of hours ago telling me that she was taking a night off," An explosion is heard over the tiny speakers on Nick's end, "Sorry, Greggo's new girlfriend is getting a little aggressive. I was wondering why she didn't just call you about taking the night off. Since you're supervisor and all that."

"Nicky, you're supervisor too you know."

"Assistant is just another name for 'I-Do-All-The-Paperwork', Catherine. You know that as much as I do. You were assistant to Grissom," Another explosion is heard in the background and Greg's small voice sounds almost as if he's asking for a fire extinguisher, "You know what Greg, you look like you need help. I'm going to go outside and…look for some help."

Listening to Nick's small sounds of walking through the lab, briefly acknowledging the various lab rats, and opening doors gives Catherine an opportunity to think alone about hw she's going to bring up the whole Sara fiasco.

"Okay…finally, outside away from Greggo burning the lab down," Nick laughs again before speaking, "What's wrong, Cath? You'd never miss a day of work. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're taking a break from being Ms. Robot Willows that works double shifts but…not coming into work isn't like you."

"Me and Sara," Catherine tries to say the next words but they get stuck in her throat.

"Me and Sara, what?"

Swallowing the sudden feel of bile traveling up her throat Catherine forces herself to speak, "Me and Sara have slept together along time ago. Well, not really 'slept together' if anything it was more like drunk fucking. Almost like drunk dialing except it involves a lot more fluid exchange. Okay…that was kind of gross, me. Anyway, she claims that I ruined her marriage with Grissom but I'm like, 'No way', because how could I ruin a marriage that hadn't even existed yet. Right, Nicky?"

Nick doesn't even have time to reply when Catherine starts to ramble on again, "But the funny thing is that I actually liked being with her that first time but I can't help but feel like that was because we were both so drunk and emotionally needy at the time. I want to go after her Nicky."

"Go after? Go after who, Catherine," Nick is clearly trying to keep up with Catherine's logic but is having a hard time trying to process the amount of information he's receiving.

"Sara, Nick. I want, no need, to go after her. It's not fair that Grissom gets to have her. He can't love her in the way that I can. I know he's my best friend but…she's mine, Nicky. But I made an agreement with her that I'd leave her alone until she's ready. Why did I even agree to that asinine agreement? What if she needs me?"

Nick sighs and Catherine, for the first time, stops talking and allows Nick a chance to speak, "Catherine, I'm not surprised about you and Sara. I always knew the hate you guys felt for each other was going to spill over into love at some point. I am surprised, however, that you can't respect Sara's feelings on the matter. If she needs to think then let her think. If you rush over there to take her back like some caveman you know who'll you be? Grissom. When Sara and Grissom said 'I do' it gave Grissom the clearance to act like that. But you…you're just a lovesick woman who's acting out because she misses her daughter and her boyfriend. You don't love Sara, Catherine. You just confused a good time with a potential relationship."

Catherine's blue eyes are large with the shock of Nick's long speech. She couldn't help but feel that even though Nick was probably right in theory Catherine's heart just told her to keep trying for Sara, if not for her own pleasure then at least for Sara's sake. Sara was stuck in a loveless marriage with a man that could never love her. Catherine hardly believed that she could be Sara's knight in shining armor but…she just couldn't leave her. Catherine knew she was risking a lot for a woman that hadn't even given the slightest indication that what they had between them was anything but lust. Catherine knew that Vartann wasn't going to be happy when he came back to find her shacked up with a woman she barely tolerated on most days. Catherine even knew that Lindsey would be at the most disappointed in the way that her mother handled things. But, Sara was worth it. She would have done the same thing for her.

Nick took Catherine's long silence as an indication that he should continue talking and was doing exactly that once Catherine tuned back into the conversation.

"-not to mention that she's married, Catherine. And what about you and Vartann? You love him right? Why would you do this to him?"

Getting up from the couch Catherine makes noncommittal sounds of agreement to Nick's one man conversation. While he spoke Catherine couldn't help but think of someway she could see Sara again without breaking their agreement. Looking around the house, Catherine's blue eyes quickly found something she could use. Listening to Nick was however becoming a strain on her resolve.

"Nicky, I've got to go…something's come up. Thanks for the talk, okay?"

"Hey no problem," Greg's voice comes up near Nick again and it seems panicked, "Greg, I'm getting you help right now…Okay, Greg, I don't appreciate that tone of voice…Well, just remember Greg. If you're six, I'm seven. Listen, I've got to go before Greg blows his top. You'll be okay?"

"Yeah, bye Nicky," Catherine quickly ends the phone call to get her plan into action.

Catherine couldn't help but feel that if she could just see Sara, just once, then everything would be a little bit better for her emotionally. Midway between putting her coat on Catherine realized that she didn't know where the hell Sara even lived. She went to her apartment back when Sara was still single but there's no way that Grissom would have moved into her apartment and she would have kept it after moving to Paris. Slamming her head against her fist, Catherine was at a loss. She could have just gone to work to check Sara's file at her office but that just seemed stalker-like.

Looking down at her hand she realized what she could use and immediately started to action. Catherine's plan was to drop off Sara's iTouch that she must have accidently left. Sara's address had to be in there.

"Found it! We're back in business, Catherine Willows," She thought to herself before rushing out of the door. Catherine didn't really have a plan after getting to Sara's house. She just figured once she got there things would pan out for themselves.


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N-This is a chunky chapter and is marking the beginning of the end of my little fanfic. More angst in this chapter. Sorry, for the long wait. I'm kind of busy right now. For now on my chapter updates might be a little slow because I really want to get the ending of this fanfic right and not rush things too much. Remember to R/R my faithful readers or even newcomers to my fanfic. It makes me very happy when you do.**

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Sara's heart wouldn't stop pounding against her chest and she couldn't stop crying tears that for some reason burned as they reached her skin. Everything was going wrong. Things couldn't be happening like this. Sara had planned so carefully to not have them meet each other like this but here they were in the backyard of Sara and Grissom's home which lead to the nature preserve, staring each other down like two gunslingers from rival gangs. And the rain wasn't helping either. Each raindrop made it harder to see the two of them in the dark desert. Why wasn't the rain on her side? She needed to understand how this happened and that required her to actually see them and hear them.

Breathing heavily while slumped over the small cinnamon colored picnic table of the nature preserve, Sara looked around her wondering how the hell she had gotten here. Catherine came to their house or more like barreled her way through muttering some nonsense about returning her iTouch to Sara. At first, thinking she was kidding, Sara let her barrel through but after catching a hint of alcohol to her familiar scent Sara knew she was on the way to making a fool of herself. What happened after that?

Sara couldn't remember anything except the look on his face when Catherine drunkenly admitted to Grissom she had slept with Sara, his wife. Grissom didn't look sad, upset, or angry at Sara. If anything he seemed to be sad, upset, and angry at himself which made Sara feel even more like a jackass at how her and Catherine had handled one little thing. Yes, sleeping with your colleague was hardly a little thing but it was in the past. Sara had no right to bring it up and neither did Catherine.

For some reason, Sara couldn't help returning to the night by the Excalibur or even that one night four years ago. Four years ago was when everything started. It would be wrong not to at least return back to that memory and might help Sara ignore the cold rain hitting her body and making it harder for her to think. Calm down. Just calm down. Go back and remember. Closing her eyes from the rain Sara began to remember her and Catherine's first time together.

* * *

Sara couldn't help but think she must have inhaled some crack back in the lab or ingested one of Grissom's unusual experiments. She must have to agree to go to a strip club with Catherine Willows. The same Catherine Willows that thought that Sara was taking her precious spot as the lone woman of CSI. Sighing deeply, Sara couldn't help but wait for the embarrassment to occur. Catherine was up to something but what she couldn't exactly tell.

The bartender was always seemingly there refilling drink after drink for mostly Sara and rarely Catherine. Of course, Catherine was trying to get her drunk. That wasn't very surprising since it was Catherine after all. But what really surprised Sara was the look in Catherine's eyes while she was doing it. Almost like she felt pity for Sara. Pity for me? Catherine was in no position to feel pity for anyone. She's the one that left her position as supervisor. She's just as alone as I am. What makes her so high and mighty?

"Catherine…why are you trying to get me, you know, 'drunk'?"

Catherine blinks obliviously to Sara's question and suddenly starts to laugh, "What does that mean? You mean am I trying to get in your pants? If I was just trying to have sex with you, Sara, I would have just taken you back to some hotel on the strip."

"So…why are you filling me up with alcohol," Sara asks, "Only one thing can happen when you try to get a coworker tipsy, Catherine. Do you need me to spell it out for you?"

"I'm hardly 'filling you up with alcohol', Sara," Catherine turns away from Sara, "I've only bought you vodka so far. Vodka runs through a body like water. It's in and it's out. You could stop anytime you want, Sara."

Why won't she let me see her eyes? Catherine was looking at everything but Sara. She was hardly even talking to her but she had no problem entertaining the exotic dancers with all of her first hand experience on the job. This is so stupid, Sara couldn't help but think. Why was she here with a woman she could barely endure on most days? Grabbing her purse and her confidence, Sara started to leave the table but Catherine grabbed her arm.

"What…who the hell do you think you are, Catherine? I want to leave. This isn't any fun and is hardly taking my mind off of Grissom. Why did you ask me here if you're just going to play with the dancers right in front of me?"

Catherine looks down at her drink and swirls it around while still holding onto Sara's arm. Sara's impatience however gets the best of her and she starts to yank her hand away from Catherine's grip but Catherine proves to be too strong for her.

"I'm sorry, Sara," Catherine motions for Sara to return to her seat while still holding onto her hand tightly, "Could you please sit down? For me at least, Sara?"

Once Sara looked at Catherine's eyes she knew she had only one choice and that was to sit down. But Sara didn't want to sit down and play Catherine's game. She was tired of being submissive to everyone and everything and wanted to show Catherine that she could be just as controlling as her. Catherine had no problem taking what she wanted from men or women. Why couldn't she be more like that? With the colors swirling around her blonde hair and that slightly amused face, Catherine was becoming more and more attractive to Sara's eyes. She just exuded the kind of confidence that Sara wanted to have in herself. She sensed that with Catherine she would be free to have fun and explore herself without putting up an emotional front like with Grissom.

Reacting to that Sara puts on a seductive smile and walks toward Catherine before throwing her purse on one of the chairs near the table. Leaning forward slightly to allow Catherine to only be able to focus on her she begins to whisper into her ear. Catherine's whole body was on alert to Sara's voice lightly dancing around her ears, "Dance with me, Catherine. Let me forget about Grissom for just one night."

Sara knew she got the reaction she wanted after seeing Catherine's eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. It was almost like Sara was a hero in a romance novel; she had the power to make Catherine's pupils dilate, breathing to increase, and uncomfortable. But why was Catherine uncomfortable? She wanted this. She was practically pushing Sara to do this all night. Sara didn't know whether she should stop with the seductive act or keep going with it after seeing Catherine so uncomfortable.

Catherine, seeing Sara's reaction, releases Sara's hand and starts to laugh, "Well, that's unexpected. Who knew little old Sara could be so…seductive."

"You thought that was seductive? I thought maybe I was trying a little too hard," Sara starts to smile and proceeds to immediately fall over onto the glitter strewn floor, "Sorry…you gave me a little too much to drink tonight."

Leaning to grab Sara off of the floor, Catherine starts to giggle at Sara's body that's haphazardly lain on the floor, "Sweetheart, you do realize where we are right? A strip club. No one dances at a strip club except the strippers."

"Well, indulge me in a fantasy, Catherine. You said that this night was all about me, right?"

"Okay…so now you want to be a stripper," Catherine shakes her head amusedly, "Hmm…it would be nice to see you gyrating on a pole in front of all these horny guys."

Sara begins to panic at Catherine's words. She barely had enough confidence to do this with just Catherine in the room. Sara couldn't even imagine doing something like that in front of…all those guys. It would be like giving a baby crack cocaine to shut it up for a couple of hours. The idea was just completely inappropriate and wrong. Without even noticing it, Sara started to back up slowly away from Catherine. She couldn't do this. She should just go back to her unrequited love for a man she hardly knew and an empty apartment before she made a fool of herself.

"Stop, Sara, stop," Catherine stands up to grab Sara's waist to stop her movement, "I was kidding. I'd hardly expect you'd want to do something like that here anyway. You're such a prude. Listen, we can go back to your place? I'd suggest mine but Lindsey's home with her ever multiplying posse of friends."

Calming down considerably Sara agrees and starts to grab her purse off one of the chairs. Catherine leaves a couple of twenties on the table and does the same. While walking to Catherine's car the mood was surprisingly relaxed. Sara was hardly anxious and Catherine seemed like she did this sort of thing everyday.

* * *

The rain wasn't letting up and Sara was starting to get worried. Where were they? She saw them briefly staring at each other earlier but after that nothing. Getting up from the picnic table Sara began to try and look for them but knew it was probably a lost cause. The rain was coming down in droves. It would be nearly impossible to find anyone in this rain.

Why didn't she feel anything? Sara couldn't help but think she should feel sadness at letting Grissom know something like that from Catherine's lips and not her own. She betrayed Grissom that Sara acknowledged. She caused Grissom to be hurt. But at the same time relief couldn't help but come to her mind. Sara was relieved to finally tell Grissom about everything. He deserved to know and now that he finally did know…it was a relief. At this point in her relationship with Grissom she was struggling to understand how they could keep going. Catherine could give Sara everything that Grissom couldn't and more but for some reason she just couldn't let him go. But I should, Sara thought.

We barely sleep together anymore. When we do sleep together I'm either thinking about Catherine fucking me and ignoring Grissom or just allowing him to have his way with me. It had gotten so bad that she needed fantasies to keep any kind of a sexual relationship up with Grissom. That enough was making Sara so uncomfortable with her relationship with Grissom. Sara couldn't help feeling like it was almost as if she was having an affair without it actually happening. It couldn't be right to keep stringing Grissom along like this.

Hearing something in the distance, Sara runs toward the sound hoping everything is alright. The rain was probably bursting the nearby dam in the nature preserve. Nothing to be worried about. Reaching the sound, Sara's mind quickly couldn't believe what she was seeing. A hint of blood on Catherine's face. Bright arterial spatter, Sara quickly analyzed. Grissom was on the ground and clutching his shoulder with a frown. After hearing Sara's approach Grissom looked up and sighed.

"Sara…why didn't you just tell me," Grissom chokes on the blood coming out of mouth, "you could have just told me…that you didn't love me anymore? I wouldn't have…wouldn't have minded as much as…this…Sara…"

Grissom passes out while still clutching his blood soaked shoulder. Sara ran to Grissom's side trying to keep his head above the puddles of muddy water. This was really bad. There was definitely going to be an investigation into how this happened. What was she going to say? But more importantly what was Catherine going to say?

Catherine had this look on her face like she was glad she had attacked Grissom. The small pole that Catherine had used to club Grissom's shoulder with was on the ground and seemed to be glowing with all the blood on it.

"Catherine," Sara continued to cradle Grissom's head, "what the fuck did you do?"

Catherine looks up from the ground and smiles, "Grissom's fine. He's fine. He's fine, Sara. But…don't you see?"

"All I see, Catherine, is you looking like you just escaped from a mental institution. You've got blood on your face and your hands. With a smile on your face just in case I didn't get the feeling you were crazy with the blood on your hands and face. What's wrong with you, Catherine?"

Catherine sprints toward Sara and pushes her away from Grissom's unconscious body, "We can be together, Sara. I know I shouldn't have done that to Grissom and I'm prepared to make amends for that but we can be together now. Grissom finally knows and everything will be fine as long as we're together."

With every word Sara tries to get away from Catherine's ramblings. Sara had no idea what was wrong with Catherine. She must be in shock. Catherine cared about Grissom in some ways more so than Sara did. She would never have hurt him unless there was a good reason. And as soon as that thought crossed her mind Sara realized what that good reason was.

"Catherine, you love me too much for your own damn good. Knowing you it's probably not even love but lust. Whatever it is, it's taking over your good sense," Sara says while trying to calm Catherine down.

"Sara…why are you doing this? We can be together. Isn't that what you want?"

"Is that what you want?"

Catherine yells in frustration and Sara closes her eyes and sighs, "Why can't you just let him go? You don't love him. So stop trying to be the good girl and stay with him, out of what? Respect to a loveless marriage? Because it's what you're supposed to do?"

"Catherine," Sara looks up at the rain coming down in increasing waves, "Look around you for just one god damn moment. Grissom is bleeding. He could get infected and then we would have to take him to the hospital. How the hell are you going to explain that to a doctor, Catherine?"

"I did it for love. I don't care if I go to jail. I'll get out eventually and we'll be together."

"But it's not all about love, Catherine. The world doesn't run on love. It's about responsibility. I can't just leave him here to bleed to death while we escape reality and live off of each other's love for the other. That kind of paradise doesn't exist, Catherine."

"So living a lie in a marriage you can't stand is acceptable? Well, fine. You can have this big house, 2.5 kids, and a dog out back and be completely unhappy. But why not be happy? Yes, you're giving up all that but do you really want a big house, 2.5 kids, and a dog out back, Sara? Because I honestly don't think you want that for yourself."

"How dare you say what I do or don't want. You have no idea what I even think nonetheless want."

"Really? Well…that's weird. I never took you for a trophy wife, Sara. But I always thought you'd have the common sense to see that a marriage built on lies doesn't work."

"A lie? What lie are you talking about, Catherine?"

"That you love Grissom as much as he loved you. Remember on your wedding day and Grissom said that 'He loved you so much that he gave everything up for you'? That was really touching but what I remember most is your face when he said it. It was almost like you had tasted something bad. You knew right then that you didn't love Grissom but you kept on with the façade and here we are today. Are you proud of yourself, Sara?"

How dare Catherine say that…yes, it was true but still, there's some things you don't say out loud. But looking into Catherine's bloodshot eyes Sara knew there was no point in telling Catherine to back off. This was just Catherine's way of dealing with the shock of what she had just done.

Resignedly Sara looks over at Catherine and lightly caresses her bloodstained cheek, "We need to help him, Catherine. That has to come first, no discussion. Please, help me by helping him."

Catherine takes a minute to think and rolls her eyes in annoyance, "Leave it to Grissom to be more trouble than he's worth. Grab his feet, Sara. I'll grab his upper body and head. You're going to have to be my eyes though. I really have no idea where I'm going in this jungle."

"It's not a jungle," Sara groans while picking up Grissom's feet, "it's a nature preserve. A very nice nature preserve."

Catherine tries to sling her wet hair back from her face while grabbing Grissom's upper body and head, "Whatever it is I'm sure there's some kind of animal in here that can smell blood and likes the taste of flesh. Can we please go already?"

"Alright, but remember to go slowly."

Grissom moans when Sara and Catherine lift him up together. He seemed to be okay but Sara would feel much better when he's out of the cold rain and bandaged up. Grissom begins to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is Sara looking at him with a comforting smile.

"Sara…I'm sorry…"

"No, Grissom. I should be sorry. But first thing first is getting you back to the house. Would you like that, Gil," Sara hoped that her mothering tone was working on calming Grissom down somewhat. The more anxious he got the more blood he would lose.

"Yes. I'd like that, Sara."

"And would you like a nice bed to sleep in?"

Grissom began to close his eyes while shaking his head in affirmation of Sara's question. Catherine tried to advert her eyes away from Grissom's attention so he wouldn't recognize her. The last thing he needed was stress but Sara couldn't help but feel annoyed at Catherine's actions. You nearly tried to kill him and now you want to play coy? It just didn't make any sense to Sara. Sighing, Sara tried to keep her focus on directing Catherine through the nature preserve and back to the house.

With this rain Catherine wasn't going anywhere tonight. They'd have plenty of time to talk about what happened out there in the rain whether they wanted to or not.


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N Part One-Hello, faithful readers. This is a crazy chapter and I can't believe I actually wrote this. Just in case you didn't know, I'm along for the ride when I write a chapter with these characters just as much as you, the readers, are. I know where I want go with this fanfic but...I wasn't expecting to get there quite like this. **

**Any who, I tried to edit this chapter really carefully. Almost too carefully at times. There should be another chapter but...we'll see. I'm still not sure if I want to end this quite yet. I've grown fond of angsty Cath/Sara.**

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After reaching Sara's house and, finally, getting out of the pouring rain Catherine was exhausted. With the whole Grissom fiasco and Sara's constant look of…well, Catherine didn't know what that look was. It wasn't sadness but at the same time it wasn't like Sara was condoning Catherine's actions either. Everything was just so screwed up when it came to Sara. Why couldn't they just be happy and together like anyone else in love? It was almost like the universe was agreeing with fate by allowing Grissom to be with Sara even though she couldn't stand him.

Everything about Sara just screamed that she wanted Catherine to take her away from all of this that Grissom had built around her. But for some reason, Sara's mind had yet caught up with her heart. She was holding back for some reason but why, Catherine had no idea. Looking up, Catherine saw Sara lightly dressing Grissom's wound with bandages and antiseptic and couldn't help but feel jealousy for Grissom. It seemed like attacking Grissom just brought Sara and Grissom closer.

Standing up, Catherine was determined to talk to Grissom about her and Sara. She wasn't happy about it but she couldn't live like this, constantly flitting towards Sara's radiance and being pushed away at the last moment by Grissom. It wasn't fair to herself or Sara.

Sighing, Catherine walked toward Grissom and Sara's bedroom but before reaching the door she couldn't help but feel like an intruder. This was where Sara loved Grissom in the most intimate way possible. Or, Catherine sniggered at the thought, tried to love Grissom in the most intimate way possible. Knocking lightly on the door, Sara's face turned toward Catherine's and for a slight moment she brightened. Thinking that maybe Sara had accepted Catherine's actions, she smiled back slightly but was met with an annoyed frown. Catherine had seen that annoyed face so many times on Sara that she was starting to think it was made just for Catherine. During this whole exchange Grissom was just watching the two of them with his poker face.

"Hey, Sara…do you think I could talk to Gil alone," Catherine's eyes sink toward the floor after they found Grissom's steely blues analyzing her every word.

Sara looked from Grissom and back to Catherine and sighed, "Fine. But do you think you could control your killing instinct this time?"

Without waiting for a response, Sara stands up from the side of the bed and walks out of the bedroom. Now that she was alone with the man she almost killed…Catherine was speechless. Why didn't I prepare something before I walked in here?

"Catherine," Grissom leans forward with a groan of pain from his injured shoulder, "I'm sorry for everything. If I had acted better this wouldn't have happened."

"And what exactly do you think happened, Gil?"

Grissom frowns while thinking about Catherine's question, "Sara fell in love with you because I wasn't here to give her the love she needed. I told her that I could have come with her to Vegas but she refused saying some nonsense about wanting to handle things alone. If I knew that you were the thing she needed to handle…I would have come with her."

Catherine can't believe Grissom's outburst. Did he really attribute everything that Sara did back to his own actions? He hadn't even considered the fact that maybe Sara just wanted to be with Catherine. Maybe she just wanted to escape the play pen that Grissom had set up for her in Paris.

"Isn't that kind of selfish, Gil?"

"Selfish? I don't understand, Catherine. How could accepting my mistakes be selfish?"

Clueless, that summed up Grissom in about one word. He just didn't understand that Sara didn't love him and hadn't for a very long time. Rubbing her temples, Catherine was getting annoyed at the whole situation.

"This is why I attacked you back there, Gil. I was hoping maybe with some pain you could realize what everyone already has. Sara doesn't love you. She never did. At best she endured your presence for an extended period of time."

"Is that what you think," Grissom sighs and looks almost apologetic, "So she's done it to you too."

"What the hell are you talking about, Gil? The only thing Sara's done to me is helped me realize how fucking clueless you really are."

"She's done this before, Catherine. Every time Sara isn't happy about something I've done she goes off to sleep with whoever or whatever she can find and claims she's in love with him or her. This is just her way of making me feel pity for her."

What the hell is he talking about? Sara would never do that…she may be a lot of things but manipulative isn't one of them.

Walking toward Grissom, Catherine sits down near him on the bed. Looking out at the rain soaked backyard Catherine tries to tell herself that this was all just a lie, that Grissom was lying. But for some reason Grissom was right. Sara had never once seemed appreciative of everything that she had done for them to be together. Never once had Sara said that she loved Catherine. And Catherine was so emotionally weak after all that had happened with Lindsey graduating…Sara just took advantage of what was ripe for the taking.

Breathing heavily Catherine looked back at Grissom through tears of sadness. Unusually, Grissom was crying as well while trying to comfort her, "Catherine, I'm sorry. I didn't know you would be next. You're usually so strong-willed and Sara doesn't go after strong-willed people when she does this."

"Grissom, I honestly don't give a flying fuck why she did it," Catherine sighs before speaking, "She did it. That's all that matters."

At that exact moment Sara walks into the room again with two mugs of green tea and sees Catherine crying and Grissom holding her shoulder trying to comfort her. Just looking at her was causing Catherine to clench her fists in frustration.

Sara looks from the two of them to Grissom and frowns, "Whatever he told you...he's lying. What do you want me to say Catherine?"

"You had no intention of leaving him, Sara. You know it and I know it. I was just your play toy that you used to get your thrills wasn't I?"

"No, you weren't, Catherine. I just wanted a break from Grissom and everything that he represents. He's just so hard for me to handle and you were so ready and willing to be loved. Almost like you were asking for a little fun…I just wanted to help you feel better. Take your mind off of Lindsey and work for just a couple of days but then came Grissom," Sara gives Grissom a glare and he promptly looks away, embarrassed.

Catherine couldn't help but feel annoyed at both Sara and Grissom but especially Grissom. Why the hell was he looking so coy and shy? He knew that she was going to manipulate and his response was look the other way, in typical Grissom fashion.

"Using me doesn't make me feel better, Sara. Taking advantage of me doesn't make me feel better either."

"But you did, Catherine. You did feel better, at least for a little bit. But then Grissom showed up and everything started getting messed up. We were supposed to have a couple of nights of fun and romance…"

"And then what, Sara? You'd leave to go back to your life but what about the people you affected. What about me, Sara?"

"What about you, Catherine? Yes, I thought about us being 'us' but that's all it was, a thought. Nothing more and nothing less. Did you really think that I could have loved you," Sara steps toward Catherine before speaking, "Catherine…me and you, we're so screwed up individually that putting us together in a relationship is almost like forced suicide. This isn't some fantasy, Catherine. This is reality. I'm not going to give Grissom up just for, at most, a strong physical connection."

Catherine starts to rhythmical clench and unclench her fists with the amount of anger she's forcing to keep inside. But Catherine could tell that Sara wasn't lying to her.

"But what about all those things you told me about hating Grissom and not loving him? You must love a man you'll stay with," Catherine whispers to herself as an afterthought.

"Catherine…you don't have to love someone to be with them for the rest of your life. How do you think people in arranged marriages last? I may not have an instant connection with Grissom but I do value the security he offers me and to me that security is love. Do you really think that every marriage is built on hot passionate fucking everyday?"

Catherine's mind was going in circles. The rational part of her mind agreed with Sara but the irrational side wanted nothing more than to take Sara in her arms and take her away from Grissom. Every thought went back to "I can't listen to this. I need to get to get out of here."

Having Grissom's unwanted comforting caresses on one side and Sara's hurtful betrayal on the other was killing her mind. She was having a hard time thinking clearly nonetheless functioning rationally. Standing up, Catherine walks to the door of the bedroom and looks back at both Grissom and Sara.

"You guys are the most fucked up couple I've ever seen. Grissom is the enabler while Sara is the problem," Catherine smiles wryly, "You act like you feel bad for me, Grissom but…you're just allowing her to do this to anyone who's weak enough for it to work on. It's like you guys are mad scientists of the mind. Well, congratulations. You've experimented on me and I'll have to live with a fucked up mind for the rest of my life. Thanks. No thanks."

While Catherine leaves, Sara and Grissom look at each other with a frown. Once reaching Grissom's side she sits down next to him while still frowning.

"You know…you could've let me tell her, Grissom. I was the one doing this to her so I should have been the one to finish it."

Grissom shrugs, "She would've figured it out eventually, Sara. Catherine's not an idiot. How long were you planning on taking this anyway?"

"As long as I wanted. She was having fun and, oddly enough, so was I," Sara sits a mug on the table next to Grissom and grabs the second one for herself, "We didn't even get to have sex yet you know."

Grissom grab the mug and takes a sip, "I do love your green tea, Sara. But, have you finished your game, Sara?"

"No, I haven't."

"Well, go finish it then. I know how much you hate leaving things unfinished."

Sara looks at Grissom's eyes and sees the trust that he has in her, "Will you be here when I get back?"

"I'm always here for you, Sara. Why do you think I married you? Go, have fun. Just make sure you don't break her in the process. I don't like seeing Catherine hurt by anyone even if you are my wife. She's my best friend after all."

Standing up from the bed, Sara turns back to face Grissom, "You do realize this is going to end up hurting her, Grissom?"

Grissom looks down at his green tea and smiles, "I think she'll find herself more enraptured with having one last chance to get you in bed than hurt, Sara. If I know Catherine she'll hate to leave things unfinished just as much as you do."

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**A/N Part Two-How was that for crazy? Now that you have read the chapter I can discuss some stuff. Firstly, I wanted this chapter to be realistic in terms of Catherine and Sara's relationship. In the real world two people wouldn't drop everything to be with one another so why should the fanfic world be any different? Also, if I do write a next chapter, Sara's reasoning behind manipulating people will most definately be the focus.**

**I'm still not sure if I want this to be the last chapter or not so I ended things in a 'take it as you will' way. I'm 68% sure I might have one chapter after this but...who, knows? That 32% might be all I need to not write another chapter.**

**Ohh, forgot to tell you. Remember to R/R. All it takes is a minute of your time to make me happy for a lifetime.**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N-Sorry, for the wait. I've decided to go a little bit farther with Sara and Cath so...yeah, for you readers. First, this is another chunky chapter. Take a break if it too much words for you to take at once. But remember to R/R when finished. Secondly, I used like one line of song lyrics in this chapter. Gotta give credit to _No Roots _by Faithless. Thirdly, Vartann is going to rear his head in the upcoming chapters and a couple of surprise guests are going to be showing up as well. I'm dreading working with stupid Vartann because he has, literally, no character for me to work with. Well...not to bore you any longer. Here's the story.**

Catherine was many things; diligent, determined, and strong but those traits had a tendency to get her stuck in situations that she had no control over and one thing Catherine loved more than life was control. Sara was stuck inside watching Catherine pace back and forth on her porch while trying to, with no avail obviously, get reception for her cell. She wanted to go talk to her about everything that had happened but couldn't get the courage to do so. She had turned Catherine away. She had no right to want to talk to Catherine about anything.

Resting her head against the cool window pane, Sara began to laugh at the situation she had placed herself in. For once, Sara had the power in their complicated relationship but what was she doing with it? Being contemplative about a woman that she had no reason to be contemplative over.

It wasn't like she had intended to break Catherine's heart, Sara thought but Grissom had to open his big fat mouth about her various indiscretions that she had in Paris. Sara knew she had committed some mistakes back in Paris but it wasn't just her fault that they happened. Grissom was always leaving to go teach or coming back tired from teaching. If their marriage had been stronger they might have been able to have survived this but no point thinking about that now. She had no time with him so Sara had resorted to taking long walks around the city. After awhile, long walks turned into shy flirtations with the locals. Sara couldn't help remembering what Grissom said to her after learning about her various affairs with men and women.

"Really? Well, we should probably get you checked up with the local gynecologist. I wouldn't want you spreading STIs around."

And that's all that he said. Sara was crying and putting her whole heart out trying to explain to him that she was exhausted of being with her thoughts all alone in Paris. Sleeping with everything that moved was just in some ways a break from her own mixed up thoughts. Even a Parisian that couldn't speak English and smelled like a winery was more affectionate than Grissom ever was on a good day and that frustrated Sara.

It wasn't like I was asking for so much from him, Sara mused while continuing to watch Catherine pace up and down. Soon after her fifth or sixth "stirring", as Grissom called them, they became inadequate and Sara found herself wanting more. She wasn't sure what "more" entailed at the time but she had a dream of a blonde haired beauty that was elegantly twirling around a pole like a never-ending carousel. Sara found herself wanting to ride that carousel of blonde beauty and began going to seedier areas around Paris just to find that one woman that would make things better for her.

Somewhere in that process, Ecklie called asking Sara to come back to Vegas for a position as a temporary source of help for Catherine since she was understaffed. Sara couldn't understand why she was even considering going back to Vegas. There was nothing there for her besides bad memories and lost dreams. After all of these years though Sara couldn't stop wondering about Catherine though. The blonde goddess of her dreams had to be Catherine. And with that that thought Sara got on a plane to Vegas.

Catherine was so welcoming to Sara and even let her stay with her and Lindsey while she found a new place. Being with them reminded Sara what it felt like to have someone to come home to at night that you truly cared about. It was a change from all the shit she had been through with Grissom and his passive approach to making their marriage work.

One memory that Sara always returned to was when Lindsey, Catherine, and herself were making French toast. Catherine kept trying to cover Lindsey in powdered sugar and Sara got stuck in the middle. As the powdered sugar settled on Sara's brown locks she couldn't help but feel a peace that she hadn't felt since marrying Grissom returning to her. For some reason, Sara couldn't help herself from laughing at the three of them. Ordinarily, Sara would have been annoyed at the whole situation but the peaceful feeling that she got when being around Catherine and the life she had carefully set up for herself was overwhelming her senses and taking over her brain. It was slowly turning her stupid for love and maybe that's why she did what she did to Catherine…

Sighing, Sara woke herself up from her thoughts after hearing Catherine's footsteps stop furiously pacing back in forth. Catherine had stopped pacing and was beginning to walk into the rainy streets away from Sara's place. Apparently, she was going to try to walk back to her house like a crazy person. Grabbing her coat and an extra Sara left Grissom a quick note saying she'd be right back with some pills for him to take if he felt any pain. Racing out the door, Sara couldn't help but feel like Catherine had to be crazy. Running into the rain was a pure idiotic decision. She would catch pneumonia and probably die before she even got near anything resembling her home. Finally, after a couple of minutes of running she caught up to Catherine who looked like a stubborn dog caught in the rain.

"Catherine…what the hell do you think you're doing," Sara figures trying some humor will lighten up the dark mood, "Running in the rain doesn't help you lose any more weight than running in the sunshine."

"Fuck you, Sara."

"Fine, fuck me, Catherine. Does that make you feel any better? What are we in the first grade? Maybe, I should start calling you a bitch. Would that make you feel any better?"

Catherine closes the slight distance between her and Sara and strikes her across the face and reeling back from her blow Sara realizes that she probably deserved that. If there's one thing Catherine hated was to feel belittled and that was exactly what she had done by asking if she wanted to be called a bitch or not.

Sighing, Sara tried to put the coat on Catherine's shoulders but she just shrugged it away where it landed on the increasing puddles of rainwater on the street.

"Catherine. I know you're feeling a lot right now but don't try to kill yourself to make a point. That doesn't work in real life you know."

Catherine looks toward Sara's slightly taller figure and continues to walk menacingly toward her, "Leave me alone, Sara."

"Or what, Catherine? You've already told me to fuck myself. What else is there left for me to do," Despite knowing that her words were just stoking the flames of Catherine's anger Sara couldn't stop herself from doing so.

Quickly crossing the distance for a second time Catherine hits Sara in the gut. The pain was excruciating but this is exactly what Sara wanted Catherine to do. Letting the pain of what just happened between them out in a physical way was the best way to handle the situation and move on with their relationship.

"Or die trying," Sara thought while trying to protect herself from Catherine's wrath of fists.

Catherine had now pinned her to the ground and was hardly letting her move. Sara knew that at any time, she could have pushed Catherine's smaller body off her but she was interested to see how far Catherine would take this.

Pushing her golden locks out of her face, Sara saw the Catherine Willows that was rarely seen by others, vulnerable and needy, "Please…don't go back to him. I know I can't give you security and all that but…he must have been lying about all that right? He knows he can't have you so…please, tell me that he's lying, Sara."

"Yes," Sara looks away briefly from this Catherine she hardly knows, "he's lying about everything."

Catherine laughs sadly, "And now you're lying to me."

Catherine rolls off of Sara's body and stands up briefly to turn to walk away from Sara again. Thinking she's going off again to try to walk down the streets, Sara quickly grabs Catherine's wrist and pulls her down on the ground again.

Groaning in pain and mild shock Catherine looks down at Sara's muddy and wet body and smiles, "Honey, I can't do this kind of shit anymore. I mean come on, Sara. I haven't been with that many women and now you want to fuck me in a puddle? Isn't that kind of…fetishy?"

"Fetishy…okay, we're regressing in the vocabulary department, Cath. How would having sex in a puddle be remotely fetish-like?"

"You majored in physics, Harvard. You tell me."

Smiling at Catherine's use of a pet name, Sara looked up to caress Catherine's wet hair and equally wet face, "I'm sorry, Catherine. I really am. Grissom had no right to say what he did in the way that he did."

"Sara. I want you take me over to that picnic table over there. Now."

Sara's confusion is evident on her face, "But…why, Catherine? I'm trying to tell you how sorry I am."

Turning her head toward Sara's, Catherine leans forward and kisses Sara lightly. The contact was so light that Sara hardly even considered it a kiss but more of a greeting between two friends like was customary in France. Despite this, Sara couldn't help but find herself looking for more and instantly began to be aroused.

"God, being with you is like a battery to an electric charge, Catherine," Sara says while trying to bring herself closer to Catherine's suddenly burning body.

Catherine was having none of it, got up from Sara's embrace, and quickly wondered off to the side of the street and, for the second time that night, into the nature preserve. Wondering what she was up to, Sara followed her into the nature preserve. Using her golden locks as a guide Sara realized that Catherine was trying to go to the break area that the hikers often used as a place to rest and refill their water bottles. Wondering how Catherine knew about this when she had never been out here before Sara began to speed up to match Catherine's speed.

"Catherine, could you hold up for a minute? You're going to get yourself lost."

Catherine stops and looks back at Sara struggling to keep up and continues on her way through the preserve. Breathing heavily, Sara began to get slightly frustrated at Grissom for deciding to buy a house way out here in the middle of a nature preserve. Why couldn't he have picked a house right next to a field of dandelions? Smiling slightly at a naughty image of Catherine's strawberry blonde hair with nothing else on but the white petals of dandelions, Sara didn't notice that Catherine had finally reached the rest stop and was walking toward the covered enclosure.

"Thank god, Catherine. Not all of us have your gazelle legs to get us over puddles and boulders. I like nature in the sunshine not in the middle of torrential rain," Catherine grabs Sara's wet shirt and pulls her on top of the picnic table.

This is what I'm talking about, Sara thought while smiling at Catherine's dark baby blues. Vulnerable and needy Catherine was replaced with passionate and sexy Catherine in the span of about thirty minutes. Breathing heavily in and out Sara smiled and moved back on the table. She wasn't going to make this easy on Catherine and she refused to be known as the easy fuck.

Narrowing her eyes, Catherine clenched her fists rhythmically while trying to control her annoyance, "Get the fuck back here, Sara. I want you where I put you so go back there. Right now."

"Please, Catherine. Let's calm the fuck down with the supervisor talk. We're off duty so," Sara lifts her left leg up and begins to massage Catherine's clit through her wet clothes, "I can do whatever I want whenever I want."

Catherine begins to growl at Sara in the same way that a tiger would at being caged. Sensing that she had only a little bit of time before Catherine became aggressive and dominant, Sara hooked onto Catherine and got her to walk forward toward her own body.

Despite knowing that Catherine wanted and probably needed to control this encounter between the two of them Sara was determined to have fun with Catherine and push her farther than she'd ever been pushed with a man or a woman. Catherine was a goddess. She'd probably never had to ever work a man to get her to climax ever and Sara was determined to have Catherine work for her.

"You want me, Catherine?"

Catherine could only moan loudly as a response because Sara's leg was still making it hard for her to think coherently with letters.

"Then come and get me, Catherine. Think of me as your catnip, my little Kitty-Kat."

Catherine's whole body tenses at Sara's little pet name and she begins to lick her lips in preparation of what's going to happen next. For the first time in a long time, Sara begins to think about nothing but the beautiful woman standing in front of her. The same beautiful woman that wanted to kill her earlier for her actions was now leaning over Sara's body and trying to gain more pressure by grinding against Sara's calf. Catherine had given up all reserves as well and seemed to be reacting solely to Sara's touch and rhythm.

Watching Catherine dry hump herself on her leg was much more arousing than Sara thought and suddenly she began to feel the stirrings of an orgasm running through her veins. Knowing she could never orgasm with pure sight alone, Sara quickly began to use one of her hands to reach inside her own panties to find release. For some reason, Sara couldn't helping noting that her and Catherine's clothes were becoming dryer already. Whether it was because of the heat their bodies were giving off or what Sara didn't care. All she cared about was finding the rhythm that Catherine was setting for herself and matching it with her own fingers on her clit. Sara didn't understand why she was trying so hard to orgasm with Catherine at the same time. She knew the odds of that happening were low at best but she needed to feel what Catherine was feeling even if it was only for just a moment.

Catherine was trying to help Sara find the pleasure she was experiencing that she was setting by speaking dirty to her, "God, yes, Sara. Just imagine if I was sucking that wet hole with my hot mouth. Sara, I'd drink every last bit of you up. Maybe you should come over to my place and I'll let you see my dirty drawer. I'd bet you'd like that."

Sara groans and leans back on the table while Catherine stops herself from grinding on Sara's leg and moves up Sara's body to get on the table herself. The table groans with the added weight but remains relatively sturdy while Catherine begins to rest herself on Sara's knees.

"Do you want to know what's in my dirty drawer, Sara," Catherine smiles at Sara's frustrated moan, "All my vibrators and dildos that I use when I'm wishing I was with you. And when I put the biggest one that I have in my tight hole I can't help but wish that it was you who was up that hole. Plugging it with your fist. Would you like that, Sara?"

Sara's groans turn into yells of satisfaction and Catherine can't help but be slightly amazed at Sara's response. Sara is equally shocked at her reaction and that shock increases the pleasure even more. When she's with Grissom, Sara could barely even muster a moan but with Catherine, moaning seemed to be an appetizer to the main course of yelling and groaning. She'd never been this vocal during sex even with the random fucks she had in Paris. Sara began to try to hold back the noise level and Catherine noticed and quickly put a stop to that.

"Is Harvard really trying to stop being loud? Why stop? I love that little voice that you have that just screams, 'I used to smoke two packs a day'. It gets me so hot when you say something to me every day in the lab. Did you know that? When you say something to prove how much of a smart-ass you are that it makes me turned on? You hardly notice when I'm sitting there creaming my panties but when you leave my office I can't help but think how much I need to take the edge off. God, sometimes I just want to grab the little bullet that I keep in my office drawer in just masturbate right there in my office."

Sara opens her eyes to look at the woman saying these things to make sure it's really Catherine and receives a mental image she hopes to never forget. Sara tried to keep up with the pace that Catherine had set while grinding her leg but it was too much for her to match. Catherine had remarkably noticed this and slowed down to compensate for Sara's slower pace. How thoughtful, Sara thought. Grissom had never thought about anyone but himself when it came to the few times they had ever had sex with each other. He was so concentrated on getting to the finish line so he could play with his new bug collection.

Catherine's consideration alone nearly pushed Sara over the edge but Catherine's next words were really what got her to fall into bliss, "You and I fit together so beautifully, Sara. So god damn beautifully. No one else will be able to have you like this. I'm yours and your mine. I wish I could just steal you away from Grissom and take you away from all of this. I'd bet you'd like that wouldn't you?"

Yelling out for the last time, Sara was finally sent into a bliss she hadn't had in a long time. Her orgasm wasn't like a fairytale rush of emotion and love but more like a towel being wrenched out after being fully drenched. Breathing heavily, Sara flipped Catherine over and began to help her reach orgasmic bliss. Sara's efforts were not necessary because Catherine had already started to orgasm while watching Sara's own orgasm.

God, she's so quiet, Sara couldn't help thinking. Sara's orgasm came in a rush of noise and left with a rush of noise while Catherine seemed to have left the world for several minutes with little fanfare. She was completely out of it and Sara loved knowing that she had got her to that point. With a small yelp of surprise, Catherine had left the earth. Chuckling to herself, Sara couldn't believe that the great mighty Catherine Willows had such a small response to orgasm. She'd always envisioned Catherine to be like an avalanche of moans and groans during sex but she was surprisingly silent.

"What the fuck are you laughing at? Unless…laughing is how you show your approval of being thoroughly fucked, Harvard."

Looking down at Catherine, Sara began to laugh hysterically at her face. She looked so comical with her eyebrows turned downward and her hair all over her head like a halo. She really did look thoroughly fucked.

Rolling her eyes at Sara, Catherine looked away from Sara. "Okay…I didn't know I was so funny. Maybe I'll just go since I got what I needed. I quick fuck in the jungle. Every girl's fantasy," Catherine starts to walk away but not before Sara rushes up to her to block her exit.

"I was laughing at your face, Catherine. Not you. I would never laugh at you, you know that."

Catherine looks up at Sara's concerned eyes and smirks, "You seemed pretty fond of calling me, what did you use, 'Kitty-Kat' was it? Don't be ashamed. I actually like it in a bedroom kind of way. Never took you for a pet-name kind of girl though, Sara."

Catching her mood Sara returns Catherine's smile, "Well, if you want to hear it again you're going to have to let me take you out on a legitimate date."

"Legitimate, Sara? Get with the times. Everyone says legit. It's cool and hip to shorten words."

"And you're the expert, Catherine," Catherine nods her head like a professor and Sara laughs, "Really? Well, why doesn't the expert know about how uncool it is to say 'hip'. When's the last time you heard Lindsey say anything was 'hip'?"

"Thank god, you're here, Sara. Without you I would be totally unable to figure out the obvious flaws in my arguments," Catherine says sarcastically. "Fuck you and your logic, Harvard."

"Last time I checked you already took care of that for me, Catherine. You know...the fucking. You could check for yourself if you don't believe me. I'm sure I'm still drenched," Sara looks up thoughtfully, "You know what? Today was a great day for me. I got to take a nice walk in the middle of the night during a rainstorm and I learn you've been having fantasies about me. In the lab no less. Could this get any more perfect, Catherine?"

Rolling her eyes, Catherine looks away from Sara's eyes briefly before catching them again, "If I go out with you would Grissom mind?"

Sara makes a slight disbelieving sound, "When's the last time you started caring about Grissom's feelings?"

"He's still my friend, Sara. So…answer the question, Sara. Would he or wouldn't he?"

"No, he wouldn't. Grissom knows about what I do with other women and men. I don't know if he could care less or internalizes it but quite frankly I do know that I want this to happen again. Don't you, Catherine?"

"If you want to know the answer to that, Ms. Sidle, you better take me out on a date. And just in case you don't know…I'm not a cheap date."

Sara walks off with a slight smile on her face, "Yeah, I know. I heard from Vartann. Speaking of the devil how is he anyway? He went to Boulder City for a conference right?"'

"Yeah…he did. However, he hasn't called so I guess he found something to play with while he's away. You know men. They can find something to play with anywhere and everywhere."

Sara looks up at the sky and notices the rain is starting to let up and the sun was starting to come out of the dark rain clouds again, "We should head back. You'll probably want to leave anyway, right?"

Catherine nods her consent and they both begin the long trek back to Sara's house to return Catherine back to her car and Sara back to her life with Grissom. After watching Sara's back for a couple of minutes, Catherine can't help but ask a question that's been digging at her ever since Sara's arrival in Vegas.

"Sara…do you ever think that Grissom is cheating on you with someone else like the way you do with him?"

Sara stops and looks back at Catherine's curious blue eyes and sighs resignedly, "Sometimes I wish he would find someone that could occupy his time. Grissom could never love someone else but me though. He's my soul mate even though I can't stand the man and his various habits and curiosities."

"I thought I was your soul mate," Catherine puts a mock look of sadness on her face.

"You are many things, Catherine, but to me having a soul mate isn't necessarily a good thing in a relationship. A soul mate is someone who is the exact same as you in the way you act and think and that is exactly what Grissom and I are to each other. I remember one night after he found me in Costa Rica he told me that, 'We're like two Chips Ahoy cookies.' at the time I laughed but now I get it. We're one in the same regardless of how many different ways we may be set up with memories or experiences. Frankly, I think we'd find each other like moths to a flame whether we like it or not. Grissom happens to like it while I do not," Sara leans forward to lightly caress Catherine's cheek, "Catherine. You are my dream come true. I've waited so long to find someone like you, you and only you. I'd rather have a dream than a soul mate, Catherine."

"When did your middle name turn into Charmer, Sara," Catherine muses to herself.

For the hundredth time, Sara couldn't help but feel amazement at Catherine. Laughing at Catherine's statement Sara starts walking Catherine back to her car. She couldn't wait to figure out an exact time for their date. Sara didn't know when it would happen but all she knew was that it had to consist of getting Catherine in a bed at some point.

**A/N-Sara and Catherine have finally hooked up. Thank god. When I was editing this chapter I couldn't help but think that I should have made it more angsty. Hmm...maybe, I'll keep that in mind for later.**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N-As you can see this is a shorter chapter than last one but nothing I could do about that. I just want to say that this chapter nearly killed me because of Vartann. I really didn't know what to do with him because his character is so blank. Yes, I said blank. There's nothing there for me to work with. I even tried looking at old season ten episodes but...well, I did the best I could. And, oh joy for me, Vartann will be around for the next couple of chapters. I'm not happy about that though so I may decide on just shipping him back to Boulder City or having him drown in a pool somewhere. lol. Remember to R/R. Now...get to reading. **

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Driving back from Sara's house, Catherine couldn't help but be aware of the barren streets of the strip. Maybe it was because of the sudden torrential rain shower or the cold front that quickly took its place, Catherine had no idea. All Catherine knew was that she wanted to continue things with Sara. Yes, the prideful side of her was insistent on declaring the opposite; that she should stop things with Sara immediately. Sara could never give her the relationship that she wanted. But it wasn't even about want for Catherine. If it was purely about wanting Sara she could have lived accepting the fact that they would never be but because it was more than that…Catherine just couldn't accept the inevitable conclusion.

She should have been in the process of leaving Sara not placating her actions. She betrayed the relationship that they had by allowing Grissom to tell her something like that. Grissom had a habit of being a completely clueless and inconsiderate bastard at times but he never lied once to her about anything. Moreover, Sara had agreed when she asked her about the indiscretions so it was obviously a fact but Catherine just couldn't blame Sara for her actions.

Sara was struggling with a marriage that she couldn't stand and a man she equally couldn't stand. Why not be her knight in shining white armor for awhile? Catherine could, hopefully, have more time with Sara to sort out her feelings and Sara could have a release from being with Grissom. Catherine couldn't help but think that they would both have a chance to win if she continued this thing with Sara. Turning into her driveway of her home, Catherine realized that she wouldn't have been able to stop this thing with Sara even she wanted too. Sara understood her like no one else and they had fantastic sex. What else could a woman ask for in a relationship?

Opening the garage with the electronic opener and driving up into her typical spot Catherine noticed the dark blue SUV also in the garage. Who the hell is that, Catherine wondered. Knowing she should probably go check who's in her house, Catherine rested her head on the steering wheel while turning the car off and taking the keys out of the ignition.

Even though she was certain about what she was doing with Sara she didn't know if it was the right thing to do. Walking into her home would be an acceptance of whatever decision that she chose and for some reason Catherine wasn't ready for that. Wasn't ready for what? A decision involving Sara or the binding feeling that would result from accepting that decision? Whatever it was, Catherine was determined to sit in this one spot until she figured it out. Whoever was in her house could wait patiently until she was finished thinking. Right now absolute silence was important than mingling with someone or other. Suddenly, a loud buzzing came from her passenger side seat and looking down she realized it was her cell phone.

Grabbing it, Catherine answered without even registering who the person was, "Willows."

A light chuckle is heard on the other end of the phone, "God, you think you'd be happy to hear from me, Catherine."

"Who the hell is this," Catherine was not in the mood for a cloak and dagger conversation. "I'd be more receptive if you told me who the fuck you were before acting high and mighty."

"It's me, Catherine. Sofia Curtis? Don't tell me you've forgotten about me already. I've only been gone for about two or three years."

Sofia Curtis? Why the hell was she calling Catherine of all people? And why the hell was she calling her now? It didn't make any sense.

"Sofia," Catherine sighed heavily, "You know I could never forget you. Why are you calling me though? We weren't exactly close when you left to return to Boulder City."

"I know. Trust me I know, Catherine. But I need to talk to you about something very important. Could you spare a couple of minutes?"

"No. I just pulled up to my house and there's someone here. Probably Lindsey looking for another donation," Grumbling slightly while opening the door to her car, Catherine locked the car before speaking, "Why do you need to talk to me so bad anyway? Unlike Grissom I do have a life that doesn't revolve around the office and my cell phone."

"Hmm…is Vartann at your house right now?"

Catherine brows furrowed and a frown formed on her face, "No, I don't think so. Hmm…let me check really quick."

Opening the door to the house, Catherine nearly runs into Vartann's curious face trying to look through the peephole. Never considering herself an easily frightened person she couldn't help but feel a hint of surprise when she shrieked slightly at Vartann's face.

"Lou! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Boulder?"

"I was and now I'm not. If you have such a problem with me being here I could leave," Vartann smiles at Catherine's shocked expression, "God, if I knew surprising you would get you to look this cute I would have done it earlier."

"I'm not shocked, Lou. I'm…I don't know what I am, okay. But seriously, why are you here? You've only been gone for a couple of days."

Lou looks at Catherine's forgotten cell that was thrown on the floor in the excitement, "As glad as I am at you being so excited to talk about me…maybe you should concentrate on whoever you threw to the floor. I'm sure they're not exactly thrilled about how you've treated them."

"Oh, yeah, well…it's just Sofia anyway," Grabbing the phone off of the floor, Catherine begins to speak into it, "Hey, Sofia…hmm, she hung up."

Catherine walks forward into the kitchen while leaving Vartann to close the door to garage. Looking back, Catherine notices the darkness in his face that wasn't there previously. As much as Catherine was interested in knowing about Vartann's sudden mood shift, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about Sara. Would she call? When would she call? How would she explain her calling to Vartann?

Sighing, Catherine tried to break the silence with a semi-playful mood, "Well…you still haven't told me why you're back. Are you holding something back from me?"

"I came back," Vartann pauses for a slight second, "for you, alright. Maybe I wanted it to be a surprise."

Catherine heard the slight pause in Vartann's words and looks back at him curiously. Now she really did get the sense that he was lying or at the very least keeping something from her. Vartann was like any man she knew, a horrible liar, and Catherine knew many ways to use this knowledge to her advantage.

Smirking slightly at him she decided using her sexuality was the best bet to get Vartann to talk, "Lou…you know what I really need to do right now?"

"No," he starts to smile at Catherine's look on her face, "but I think it'll probably involve some fun for me."

Closing the distance between her and him, Catherine looked up at Vartann's wanting eyes. His playful chocolate eyes reminded her of Sara. When his soft lips started to lightly play with her own she couldn't help remembering that kiss in the rain. Sighing, Catherine rested her arms on Vartann's shoulders to start lightly tugging on his locks of hair. Vartann began to growl into the kiss while he began to start pushing her back onto the dining room table.

"God, damn it, Vartann. Couldn't you have picked the kitchen counter over the dining table? Lindsey would have a fit if she knew," Catherine is cut off when Vartann starts to thrust his tongue in her mouth. Moaning slightly at his aggression, Catherine wonders what brought this on. Like most men who have a chance to be with her, Vartann was fond of treating her like a glass vase but when she was with Sara…even that one night four years ago, Sara bit her more times than every man she'd ever been with.

Leaning back from his embrace Catherine began to unbutton his shirt quickly. Catherine felt herself responding to his aggression. The look in his eyes was what really took Catherine by surprise however. His eyes were just as black as her own when she was around Sara. It was almost as if his eyes were trying to take in every last detail of her pale skin on his own and the slight whimpers she was making with his every touch. It made Catherine feel protected but something was missing…what, Catherine wasn't sure. The creaking of the table as a result of their mad dash to get to each other's skin wasn't helping Catherine figure out what was missing from the situation either.

"Stop, Lou," Pushing him off her, Vartann couldn't help but look annoyed. Underneath that annoyance was something that Catherine was familiar with, exhaustion at the whole situation he had put himself in.

"Catherine, you know as much as I do that you want this. You were practically screaming my name and when you start making a lot of noise I know I'm doing something right. Please…don't do this."

"Are you serious, Vartann? Noise doesn't measure satisfaction level during sex. You're a big boy, Lou. You should know that."

Sighing, Vartann grabs his shirt off the floor and walks into the kitchen leaving Catherine staring blankly at him. What the hell was that about, Catherine wondered. She should be the one storming off in a huff not Vartann. Getting up from the dining room table while rearranging her clothes, Catherine followed Vartann into the kitchen. While she was debating on confronting him about his actions or not, Vartann was waiting patiently for her to start speaking, which made Catherine feel at the very least paranoid.

"Can I help you, Lou? Just because you don't get what you want doesn't mean you have clearance to make me feel like shit."

"I'm making _you_ feel like shit? What about myself, Catherine? How do you think I feel?"

"Honestly, I don't really care how your little male ego feels about not getting to stick yourself into me. I wasn't in the mood, okay. Let it go and be a man about it."

"Be a man about it? I'm not even talking about that and you know it. Catherine…are you fucking someone else?"

Looking up from the counter table, Catherine realizes that Vartann is serious. For some reason, Vartann has magically caught on to what she's been doing with Sara. But how could he figure it out? It wasn't like she had slipped up and said her name while they were making out earlier. Or did she?

Clutching the counter for support, Catherine tried to calm herself down before responding to Vartann. She couldn't lie to him but at the same time it wasn't like she was just fucking Sara. It was so much more than that to Catherine.

"Lou…you've been gone so much. I just needed to," At that exact moment Catherine phone rings allowing her to stop talking. Wondering if she should pick it up or ignore it Catherine begins to reach for it but not quick enough for Vartann.

Grabbing it himself, Vartann answers with an annoyed tone, "What? Sara? Sorry, we're busy at the moment, Sara. When can you call back…never. Thanks."

Watching him both disrespect her by picking up her phone and hanging up on Sara, Catherine tried to calm her nerves but failed miserably. Using her best supervisor voice, Catherine grabbed her phone from Vartann's hand, "So now you're a god too. Don't you dare hang up my phone in my house again, Vartann."

"You don't have to worry about that, Catherine. I'm leaving. I can't believe you're refusing to at least give me the courtesy to tell me myself. No, I have to learn from an answering machine."

"What the hell are you talking about, Lou? I honestly have no clue," Catherine walks toward the answering machine in the kitchen, "and don't leave me, Lou. I…don't know what you want me to say. At least let me hear what this message is first before you make a decision."

Pushing play on the machine Sara's voice is played back to Catherine and Vartann. Closing her eyes, she knows even before the message is played that it's not going to be good for her to try to explain this to him, "Hey, Catherine. It's Sara. Guess you haven't gotten back yet. I know I should have called you on your cell phone but…I figured why not call your house instead. Lindsey and Vartann are both out so it's not like someone's going to hear this message but you and me. Anyway, I was wondering if you were free next Friday? If you are, could you call me back? If you aren't could you still call me back? I miss you."

Slightly excited at the thought that Sara missed her, Catherine hardly noticed Vartann's sudden absence. Looking up Sara's phone number she nearly pressed the call button before realizing Vartann had left.

Sighing, Catherine pushed the button and was surprised to hear Sara's voice pick up on the first ring, "Hey, Cath. God, I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry," Catherine cringed slightly when Vartann came by holding a bag of his things. Vartann throws his keys on Catherine's table before exiting the garage door. Feeling as if she should say something, Catherine quietly mouths the words "I'm sorry" but is met with Vartann's cringing face and a slam of the door.

"I didn't know that Vartann was back…he must have heard the message."

"Yeah. He did. But honestly, I think he'll be fine. He's fucking Sofia so she'll take care of him. I can just imagine them talking about how much I suck when he gets back to her."

Sara starts coughing on her end, "Whoa…Lou is fucking Sofi? Well, I've heard of more unusual things that's for sure. How do you know?"

"A woman always knows. He came home trying to fuck me. That's a big no-no right there. Lou likes to admire me before going in for the kill if you get my drift. When he started going at me I knew that he either felt guilty for some reason or he was using me as a replacement for someone else. And then Sofia called before I even got out of my car asking about Vartann…they practically told on themselves," Catherine leans against the table and smiles, "Now about this date…do you think you could come over later? I don't want to be alone right now and we both need to eat so I'll cook you something."

"Alright. I can do that. Grissom's playing with his hissing cockroaches. Claims they're going to win this year for sure so he's not going to miss me," Sara laughs slightly, "But how about we actually eat something before fucking each other senseless? I need fuel for that kind of exercise, Catherine."

"Well, I wouldn't want you passing out during sex with me, Sara. I'll feed you…as long as you let me have a little dessert later?"

"And what would this dessert consist of?"

"You in my bed."


	17. Interlude Chapter 15 and a Half

**A/N-This is Vartann's perspective. I had to have one of these chapters because I needed to figure him out before he began to be a big deal in the next couple of chapters. I hope I gave him justice and didn't make him into a total waste of space like *cough*Grissom*cough*. But I can honestly say that Vartann is one of the most difficult characters for me to write. That's not a bad thing...but it's not a good thing either.**

**I'm sorry to all my readers that have been reviewing. I normally reply to everyone that reviews but I've been busy again. I will try to start doing that again...if my life doesn't get in the way. **

**Apparently I'm supposed to put a disclaimer up on my fanfic. I hate just randomly putting it on the sixteenth chapter but better late than never as they say.**

_Disclaimer: I obviously don't own these lovely characters. If I did...I wouldn't be on here writing with them would I? Don't sue me, CBS._

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When Vartann was angry he had a tendency to pace up and down hallways. He always wondered why he was calmed by this obsessive habit but he just couldn't help himself. Even while in the presence of Sofia Curtis wearing that same slightly disbelieving smile and nothing else wasn't enough to calm his nerves.

Sofia was never one to use her feminine charms to get the opposite sex but Vartann could tell his inability to focus on her was frustrating. Despite just starting his relationship with Sofia after their chance encounter in Boulder City on a police departmental meeting, Vartann felt a closeness to her that he never got from Catherine and all of her various moods. With Catherine it was always like turning a faucet on and off. For certain people she would be all smiles and passionate but when it came to him…he could hardly get her to smile lately. It all started when Sara came back to Vegas. Everything was her fault.

Sighing heavily, Vartann leaned back on the hotel bed onto Sofia's bare legs. Why were they even here anyway? Making love in some no name hotel in the middle of nowhere was not the way he thought he would spend his weekend. Knowing exactly how he had planned to spend his weekend just reminded him of Catherine. God…he didn't even get to tell her about him and Sofia. He was planning on doing it slowly, preferably while she was recovering from a massive orgasm but instead he ran out like a little boy. She hadn't even said that she was cheating on him but it was the silence that was the answer.

Vartann was so involved with himself that he hardly noticed Sofia's light tussling of his hair. Smiling slightly at her, Vartann realized how lucky he was to be with someone as beautiful as Sofia. Even though she didn't have the same kind of beauty that Catherine had, and flaunted, Sofia was beautiful in her own right. When they worked together, Vartann couldn't help but notice how put together she always seemed to be and even while making love to her she was that same woman he had always found himself amazed at.

"What are you doing, Sofi," Vartann began to yawn slightly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been…receptive to you. It's just…I can't help but think I should go back."

Sofia's head quickly rose from the comfortable position she was previously in to turn quizzically at Vartann's statement, "Do you honestly think that would change anything? She's cheating on you with a woman. Going back isn't going to change that fact."

"It's not a fact, Sofia. She never said that she was cheating I just…strongly suspected as such."

"And you wouldn't have strongly suspected unless there was some grounds for suspect. And if there is a reason to suspect something…"

Vartann never questioned the logic of Sofia's words. Her words at times were a balm to the anxiety that he felt about things at work or his own self worth but Catherine was a different story. Even talking about Catherine was hard around Sofia but when she talked about her it was almost like the protective light came on inside of himself. Sofia had a habit of noticing this and bringing it up every time and now was no different.

"What is it this time, Vartann," Sofia sighed in annoyance, "You know how much I love being with you but…I'm honestly tired of taking this kind of shit."

Stunned at Sofia's choice of words, Vartann lifted his head from her legs and frowned, "Shit…it's not shit that I feel like I should tell Catherine that I'm with you. She deserves to know. It's the right thing to do."

"Do you honestly think she cares about the 'right' or 'wrong' thing to do in according to you and her? If she did she would be here. Telling you to come back to her. But she isn't so…move the fuck on, Vartann," Sofia leans away from Vartann's body on the bed.

Vartann didn't know whether he was in hot water with Sofia or not but he couldn't seem to care about that at the moment. He couldn't let go of the hope that maybe Catherine wasn't cheating on him with Sara Fucking Sidle. The same Sara Sidle that had an alcohol problem and nearly got herself a DUI. The same Sara Sidle that was married to Grissom. He had no problems with Catherine sleeping around but not with Sara Sidle. It just didn't seem fair that after all that Sara had done for him to get with Catherine in the first place that she was just going to end up taking Catherine back anyway.

"Louis. Look at me. What do you want from me? From this? I'm not going to lie to you, I don't love you and I have no reason to want to love you but I'm not going to be your play toy or the substitute. So tell me. What do you want out of this relationship?"

Looking back at Sofia's face, Vartann saw the amount of hurt that reflected in her eyes. Despite her face being covered by her long blonde hair, Sofia was clearly searching for something out of Vartann. It was a look that Vartann knew well because of the criminals that he dealt with on a daily basis. It was resignation. It nearly killed him to see resignation on the Sofia's face since she was so proud of herself and it didn't help that he knew that he had put it there.

"I don't know what I want but I need something other than Catherine," Sighing sadly, Vartann leans his hand out to grasp Sofia's, "Catherine has been like my world for several months. I gave so much to her that I just figured maybe after awhile she'd give the same amount back…but I guess not, huh?"

"A relationship isn't built on hope and assumptions, Vartann," Sofia takes her hand away from Vartann's grasp and gets up from the bed to start looking for her clothes.

"Where…where are you going, Sofia? I…don't understand…I'm telling you everything and you're just going to leave?"

Sofia looks up from putting her black pants over her thighs, "You think you're telling me everything, Vartann? Why don't you repeat for me exactly why you care so much about a woman that doesn't even love you because I guess I didn't hear it the first time."

Vartann for the first time with Sofia was shocked speechless because it was so uncommon for her to be so aggressive about his relationship with Catherine. She had always been accepting of his indecision when it came to Catherine. At most Sofia would push him around during sex but other than that she was always neutral. Why was she becoming so aggressive? And more importantly why wasn't he fighting over her to relax and trust him like he usually did?

Vartann could feel himself starting to hyperventilating slightly and tried to calm his nerves by talking through his feelings with Sofia, "I care about Catherine because she's so challenging for me to understand."

Sofia makes a slight sound of disgust, "So I'm not challenging now? If you wanted challenging all you had do was say so."

"Can you let me finish, Sofia? I meant that I can't let Catherine go because I…just can't. That's why she's so challenging, Sofi," Vartann looked away from Sofia's eyes knowing the pain that he would find there for still being evasive with his answers. Despite knowing he was doing wrong by Sofia just to keep hope for a woman alive that didn't even love him Vartann still found himself trying anyway.

"We're done, Vartann. I don't want to be done with you but…I can't live my life like this. Living on a sliver of hope in a relationship is just no way to live. You know that, don't you," Sofia grabs her shirt from the floor and starts buttoning it up over a maroon bra, "I called Catherine when you were at her house to make sure you were all right. To make sure you didn't need me…why I thought you would ever need me, I don't know. But, I need you to be sure with me, Vartann. I don't need anything else but certainty and you can't even give me that."

"I can, Sofia. Just give me a little bit of time," Sofia cuts him off before he can say another word.

"A little bit of time will turn into a couple of months which will turn into a couple of years. I can't wait for that long and I don't want too either."

With a light kiss on the cheek, Sofia left Vartann alone with his thoughts. Frustrated at his inability to give Sofia what she needed, Vartann groaned. He wanted to give her the peace of mind that she needed but he couldn't lie to her about something she clearly was so passionate about. It wouldn't have been right to hurt her like that. But maybe that was exactly his problem. He couldn't help but think about everyone else's feelings and what was "right" or "wrong" instead of focusing on what he needed.

But what exactly did Vartann want? He wanted closure from Catherine but he didn't want to end things outright with her either. He wanted to tell Sara to leave his girl alone but Catherine was hardly his girl. She endured his presence but he knew he was nothing but a fun past time for her. A body to warm her sheets. She hadn't even introduced him to Lindsey yet and showed no signs of doing so.

Vartann didn't know what he was going to do and closed his eyes trying to think until a phone call came buzzing in on his cell.

"Sofia…listen, come back. We can talk this out better in person than on the phone."

The silence over the phone lasted for several seconds and Vartann knew instantly that it wasn't Sofia who was calling him. Sighing deeply, Vartann tried to regain his composure, "I'm sorry. This is Vartann. Who's calling?"

"So it's true…you are fucking Sofia. God, I never thought you would. I mean after getting Catherine a man should be finished."

Vartann realized the voice before she even finished joking with him, "Sara Sidle. You've taken my woman and you honestly want to call me. Really? Awful ballsy, Sidle."

The light laugh on the other end makes Vartann even more frustrated, "So now she's your woman? Wow, now that's ballsy. And you seemed to take it well after sleeping with the ice queen, Sofia Curtis."

"Don't you dare say that about Sofia, Sara. She doesn't need to be involved and you know it," Vartann began clenching his fists on his thighs in an effort to restrain his anger.

"Fine. I didn't call about that anyway," The silence was nearly deafening. "I'm sorry about how this looks. I started an arrangement with you that I ended up breaking and I'm sorry about that."

"Sara? Don't placate me with things I already know and don't care about. You got your woman. Now let me live my life alone. Please."

"And you're fine with that? Me having Catherine? You honestly don't care?"

Vartann got up from the bed and began to get dressed, "Yes, I care Sara but it's a little late to be making an effort to take her back from you. I mean…I had my chance with her when you gave her to me with our little 'arraignment' but obviously that's over. Have her since I obviously couldn't," Vartann hung up without even allowing Sara a reply.

He just didn't want to hear it from all people, Sara Sidle. It just killed him that Sara was the other man and not some random guy that Catherine may have been interested in. Maybe it was just his male pride getting in the way that caused him to feel this way. After finishing dressing himself, Vartann sighed. For once he knew exactly what to do about his life. He was going to prove to Sofia that he could move on from Catherine and commit to her fully.


	18. Chapter 16

**A/N-Another chapter for all of you readers. Not a lot for me to say for this chapter. Sara and Cath are still living in Angstville. Sofia will also now be living in Angstville. And Vartann is still hard for me to write. He's getting better but he's still frustrating me. This chapter is a little bit shocking. Not as crazy as some of my other chapters but still pretty OMFG at times. Have fun reading. Remember to R/R. Next chapter will be coming out sooner rather than later.**

**Also, kind of rushed this chapter so if there's any problems I'm apologize up front. I'm just one woman with very little patience trying to do the best she can. :)**

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"Open your mouth, Sidle."

Sara pursed her lips together and shook her head to stop Catherine efforts, "No, Cath. I don't think that could even fit in my mouth even if I tried to open my mouth really wide."

"God, Harvard," Catherine moved her fork away from Sara's face, "I'm asking you to take one bite of my amazing French toast not asking you to rob a grocery store."

"I'm not hungry anymore, Catherine. Forcing me to eat when I'm not hungry will just end up badly for you later on you know."

Catherine rolls her eyes and stands up from the kitchen table while leaving Sara to smile to herself, "You know…Grissom wasn't exactly pleased to see me leaving him alone while he was stuck in bed."

Catherine ignores Sara's comment and begins to clean up the table without another glance in her direction. Despite her kidding around with Catherine, Sara couldn't help but feel uneasy. Every car that drove by the road made Sara wonder if Vartann was in it or if it Vartann had paid the person in the car to do something to her or Catherine. Sara tried to tell herself that Vartann was too weak to do anything to her but it wasn't helping. If anything, thinking like that was just making her even more paranoid.

Trapped in her thoughts, Sara hardly noticed that Catherine was sitting back at the table and looking at her quizzically, "Earth to Sidle? Are you there? I asked you something."

"Hmm…what's up, Catherine," Sara moved her eyes reluctantly away from the window, "I'm sorry. I just can't shake this feeling that I have about Vartann."

Catherine's face quickly loses the same joy that was present earlier and she starts to sigh, "It seems like all we do is talk about the various guys in our lives instead of talking about each other. I'm in love with you, Sara. Not Vartann and definitely not Grissom. But, love tends to grow fonder with, you know, conversation."

"I know, but Vartann's actions just made me uncomfortable. I told you about the way he hung up on me. Like he was a man that was on a mission but what that mission was I have no idea."

Catherine smiles knowingly at Sara, "And you won't rest until you figure out what his mission is will you?"

Listening to Catherine's placating her was frustrating Sara. For some reason, Catherine seemed to be completely confident that Vartann was just going to roll over when it came to her. That confidence was just one of the things that turned Sara on about Catherine but now it was just annoying her. Where did this confidence come from, Sara wondered. From her being a former stripper in her younger days? Or was it just a character trait that, over the years, became more of an Achilles heel than a positive trait.

Looking up toward Catherine's face, Sara frowned, "I want to protect you, Catherine. After all we've been through I don't want to lose you in the homestretch."

"I understand that Sara but why can't we protect each other from harm? Together. It doesn't have to be a one-sided affair for me or you only. And Sara," Catherine was visibly struggling with her next words. "You're going to end up losing me in the end. You know it as much as I do."

Sara couldn't believe Catherine's words. Why would she say that? That she was going to end up losing her in the end. This was real life not some soap opera that Catherine could turn on and off with the flick of a switch.

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance, Sara calls Catherine on her statement, "What the fuck does that mean?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Sara," Catherine was visibly breaking herself apart from Sara. Her mouth was becoming tight, her body was straightening, and her eyes were becoming even more striking to look at it. Sara couldn't leave this alone however. She was determined to have Catherine explain herself and her reasoning behind saying such a thing to her.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Catherine. Don't you dare make what you said just now into another fight. I'm tired of fighting with you over stupid shit like this," Sara wanted to grab Catherine's hand but held back, "I need you to talk to me not fight me."

"So now you want to talk. I've been trying to tell you that we need to communicate with each other instead of talking about everyone but us."

"Yeah, I understand that. But when you want to talk about 'us' it's always on your schedule or at the expense of what I feel at the moment."

Catherine closes her eyes and tilts her head toward the ceiling, "And we've come to center of the shrubbery maze haven't we, Sara? Vartann. Again he comes up. I told you not to worry about him. He's a big boy with a pretty new girl by his side in Boulder City. Trust me, he'll get over this."

"But I can't, Catherine," Sara clenches her fists and gets up from the table. For some reason Sara felt a strong urge to be away from Catherine at that moment.

Catherine sighs and opens her eyes to stare briefly at Sara, "You can't trust me as your lover, Sara? Or you can't believe what I'm telling you as your best friend and supervisor?"

Sara was shocked at the bluntness of Catherine's question. Where did this come from? Catherine was hardly as introspective as Sara usually tended to be. She was always the doer and rarely thought about things until she was done. Sara was so shocked at Catherine's question that she hardly noticed the knocking at Catherine's door. Catherine noticed Sara's lack of action and sighed while standing up from the table.

Sara was still standing motionless at the kitchen when she finally began to process that someone was at the door. Refusing to let Catherine put herself in any danger, Sara walked up behind Catherine while she started to open the door.

"Sara…what are you doing? You're reminding me of Lindsey when she was still a toddler, hiding behind my legs. Do you really think that Vartann won't notice you down there," Amused at a private joke, Cather began to laugh, "Knowing him he'd probably think you were finishing up."

Sara looks up at Catherine from between her legs and starts to smile playfully, "Well, who knows. Maybe he'd even like to watch me finish you up later. If I was him I sure wouldn't pass up the opportunity to watch two women finish each other up."

Catherine laughs aloud and starts to open the door. While she was doing that Sara couldn't help but be amazed at how they had suddenly just changed moods with each other so quickly. They were one second from getting in a full fight and in the span of a minute they had become friends again, lightly making jokes with each other. Sara couldn't help but be reminded of her father and mother's relationship with each other in regards to her and Catherine's own relationship. It was practically the same minus the laughter. Maybe that was it, Sara mused. The key to a good relationship was all about nearly killing each other all the time but laughing off all that tension. That just didn't sound right though. The key to a good relationship was supposed to be…anything but that.

Catherine's feet slightly shuffled back from the open door, which left Sara on her knees, "Sofia? What are doing here? I thought you'd be with Vartann?"

Sofia's steely eyes looked from Catherine's shocked face to Sara's body on the floor and frowned. Sara couldn't help but feel the superior quality in her frown. Sara had no idea what Sofia was thinking and Sara quickly became alert. Whatever Sofia was doing here…it couldn't be good.

"I need to talk to you," Sofia scrunched her nose up slightly at Sara. "alone preferably. Would that be alright with your dog there?"

Her dog? Sara hardly considered herself Catherine's dog. If anything it was the other way around. Deciding to play around with Sofia a little bit, Sara smiled at Sofia and growled.

"You really need to teach your dog some manners, Catherine. But you probably don't get a chance too since she's so busy panting all over your," Catherine turned red slightly before cutting Sofia off before she said anything else.

"Sofia. I'm going to ask you one more time. Why are you here? If it's to insult Sara then you can just get the fuck off my step and go back in your car."

Sara smiled up at Catherine, surprised and comforted by her gutsy attitude. Standing up to face Sofia was no problem as long as Catherine was here to give her guidance. Sara couldn't help but wonder if she was becoming dependant on what Catherine constantly offered her. The kind of confidence that Catherine constantly had every day was like a foil to Sara's own shyness around others. It wasn't that Sara was unsure of herself. That wasn't right at all but she just wasn't confident in the person that she knew herself to be.

Shaking her head of the mental cobwebs after feeling Catherine's hand lightly touch her shoulder, Sara began to mentally ready herself for a fight.

Before having a chance to speak however, Sofia sighs and reluctantly puts her head down in defeat, "Fine. I'm not here to fight. I here to talk to you about Vartann. I ask again, is that alright with you?"

"I have no problems with talking, Sofia. But fighting is an absolute no-no. Verbally and physically. If you walk into my house you're agreeing to my rules," Catherine's stance changes from relaxed to protective in no time at all.

Sara felt like she should be doing something to help Catherine but for some reason felt like holding back was the best option at the moment. Catherine clearly was trying to make a point without Sara butting in as a backup singer to her moment to defend her lover.

After Catherine and Sofia exchange no verbal words with each other to test the others dominance Catherine visibly relaxes and steps aside to allow Sofia entrance. Moving to the side, Sara locked eyes with Sofia while walking in to let her know that she was just as capable of protecting Catherine as Catherine was in protecting her.

"So…this is the great Catherine Willows' home. Very nice," Walking toward the couch closest to the door, Sofia sat down it typical style, like she owned the place. "I never would have suspected you to have so many soft colors. It's…unexpected."

After closing the door behind her, Catherine walks to sit in the couch across from Sofia while Sara sat right next to the couch nearest Sofia to walk her out if need be, "What do you want, Sofia? Why be coy? I know you're fucking around with Vartann. You don't need my permission to sleep with a man that was hardly worth my time anyway. He's made his choice and I've made mine. Let's not dwell on the past as they say."

Looking at Sofia's face Sara could tell that she was trying very hard to hold back a clever retort.

Letting in a deep breath, Sofia quickly regained control and continued, "Vartann doesn't love me in the same way he loves you. I want him to love me like he loves you but…I don't think that'll ever happen. Quite frankly, I don't want it to happen, at least not like that. I want Vartann to move on from you and love me for who I am not and not who I resemble or could be."

"Who you resemble? Who the hell do you resemble, Sofia? Your mother? Because I wasn't aware that Vartann had fell in love with your mom…but that would explain a lot," Sara's light jabbing was pushing Sofia over the edge and Sara was determined to get her there.

Turning her head to face Sara, Sofia began to look distressed at Sara's words, "Why are you doing this, Sara? I come here in peace and yes, I shouldn't have insulted you earlier but…two wrongs don't make a right. I'm sorry, alright? Now…just let me talk, Sara. That's all I'm asking."

Sofia's desperate tone was enough to calm Sara's nerves but the look from Catherine was a stronger reason for her to stop with her attacking of Sofia. She just didn't trust her. She had to be here for something. What exactly, Sara couldn't help wondering. Would Vartann really be that low to ask a woman he's been fucking on the side to handle his business for him? Sara quietly hoped that wasn't the case.

Despite Sara's own wariness about Sofia being there, Catherine was her usual relaxed self. Completely comfortable in her environment in a way that Sara never could be. Whether it was subconsciously or a conscious effort on her part, Catherine was leaning forward with bright eyes to encourage Sofia to continue.

"Sofia," Catherine turns her head slightly to Sara. "The same rules you entered in here with apply to my other guest as well."

If anyone could make Sara feel like an idiot or scum of the earth it was Catherine. If it wasn't her various looks it was the way she said things to her.

Twiddling her thumbs in embarrassment, Sara's tried to trust Catherine's judgment, "Fine…fine. Why are you here, Sofia?"

"I already told you. I need you to break things off with Vartann in the most hurtful way possible so he can move on from you, Catherine. Vartann will always love you if you don't just," Sofia sighed to herself. "Let him go. Let him a chance with someone that does love him."

"But…I can't do that, Sofia."

"Why not?"

Catherine struggles with her words, "Because…I don't have him anymore to let go. I never had him to begin with, Sofia. I hardly gave him the time of day except when I was sleeping with him. I don't know what I can d to help."

"You don't understand, Catherine. He loves you and not me. And you know what, maybe he doesn't love you but he feels something toward you that I can't quite get. As long as that is there…I don't have a chance," Sofia looks at both Catherine's curious face and Sara's wary one and frowns at the lack of understanding that they both have.

Listening to Sofia try to have them understand her need for Catherine to finally break off from Vartann was heartbreaking to Sara. Sara couldn't help but be surprised at the similarities between her and Sofia. They both were trying to be with someone that they shouldn't be with. At the moment, Sara felt her walls of wariness fall at Sofia's similar situation. Why be aggressive toward someone in the same situation? Even though Sofia was never her favorite person in the world after the whole Grissom scenario she still should be treated with respect.

"Sofia…maybe you should go get some rest. You seem a little out of it," Sara laughs slightly. "And if there's one thing I know about its operating on little sleep."

Turning her head toward Sara, Sofia frowns in annoyance. Sara quickly realized the mistake of using a playful tone with her in the mood that she was currently in, "I meant that if you're exhausted a person tends to think irrationally, Sofia. I didn't mean to insult why you came here."

"Sure, Sara. I should believe you because we have a relationship built on so much trust. Honestly, I don't even know why I came here. Catherine you're so fucking oblivious and Sara you're so lost in lust or love that you aren't thinking clearly. Vartann needs closure from you Catherine. If you don't want to give him that then I can't keep this thing between me and him going. Do you know how that feels to love something that will never love you back, Sara?"

Sara knew exactly what Sofia was feeling and couldn't help moving her eyes toward Catherine when Sofia asked her the question. Catherine looked surprised at Sara's reaction but quickly regained control over her features after Sofia got up and started looking in her purse for something. What was she doing and more importantly what was she looking for?

Taking out a small velvet box, Sofia carefully put it on the coffee table in front of Catherine. Sara felt a strong urge to look inside the box but knew it was none of her business until Catherine opened it for herself.

Sofia however was not in any mood to wait for Catherine to wake up and began to walk toward the door, "There's his heart, Catherine. I thought it was mine but…I guess not. When he comes by would you give it back to him? Or you could keep it, whatever. I'm sure you have a drawer full of hearts that you've taken from men and women, Catherine."

And with that Sofia left in the same way that she came in, with a smart comment. As soon as the door closed, Sara looked at Catherine. Why wasn't she opening the box, Sara wondered. It wasn't like they didn't know what was in it.

Sara couldn't believe Sofia. Why the hell would she put that in front of Catherine? Did she honestly think that it would make Catherine change her mind or something? It just didn't make any sense. Sara couldn't let Sofia go. She still had to figure out if Vartann had put her up to this…stunt. Racing out of the door, Sara quickly caught up to Sofia but since she was hardly trying to get away Sara couldn't help but feel like Sofia was planning something. Why else would she be sitting here practically waiting for her?

"Sofia! What the hell was that about? Putting that out in front of Catherine like that was not a considerate thing to do," Sara begins to feel uneasy when Sofia walks from around her car to stand in front of Sara.

"Do you realize where we are, Sara? We're outside. Do you know what that means?"

Sara has barely a chance to process Sofia's words before she feels herself, for the second time that week, on the floor trying to defend herself from an angry blonde. Apparently, Sofia was just waiting for a chance to get Sara outside to attack her but Sara couldn't help but feel an overwhelming feeling to pity Sofia. The only reason she was doing this was to relieve some of the tension that she must be feeling. Sara had even felt that way at times and when she got in those moods nothing made her feel better than fighting with Catherine or putting her all in a case. Sofia didn't have that outlet anymore though so as result she was trying to kill Sara. But somewhere between Sofia punching her in the stomach and being slammed against Sofia's car, Sara began to look for something…anything to get her out of this mess.

"Sofia…just because you're on my front lawn doesn't mean you aren't on my property," Catherine pulled Sofia off Sara and pushed her away while she dealt with Sara. "Why are you so angry, Sofia? The Sofia I know would never risk embarrassing herself by fighting another woman in front of a residential neighborhood. I'll be glad to help you but I'm not going to fight you."

Sofia makes a slight frustrated sound before getting in her car to leave while leaving Sara on the grass with a bloody nose and scratches in her face.

"God…how am I supposed to explain this to Grissom, Catherine," Sara started to stand up on her own before Catherine tried to support her weight before falling down again.

"Why are you talking about Grissom right after you just got attacked…again. Let's get you inside before neighbors start forming around my house to stare at the girls gone wild show."

As soon as they were inside, Sara sat down and sighed, "Things are going out of control, Catherine. Did you look inside the box yet?"

Ignoring her question, Catherine begins mumbling something about getting some disinfectant and gauze from the bathroom.

"Hey, Catherine," Sara begins to touch her face and couldn't help but look at the blood that remained on her fingers. "I need to tell you about something involving me and Vartann. A sort of…arrangement made."


	19. Chapter 17

**A/N-Hello, everyone. I'm back. I took a bit of break from this story because of various reasons but I'm back now. Hopefully, I didn't lose any readers. If I did lose any readers...well, I don't like to beg but, please come back. This is a nice chapter though. I'm trying to get back to my angsty ways a little bit with my ff writing. Have fun reading my chapter. Leave feedback or don't leave feedback. Whatever floats your boat. :)**

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Sara's face was in bad shape. Despite her efforts to conceal the pain from her face, every time she turned around she was grimacing from the pain. Sara couldn't help but hope that Catherine wouldn't notice but that seemed like too much to ask for. Catherine was anything but oblivious.

As soon as Catherine returned to Sara's side on the couch, Sara could feel the insults brewing in Catherine's whole demeanor while she began cleaning her up. Noticing the blood on Sara's fingers, Catherine sighed and started to wipe it off, "God, Sara. You're such an invalid. Don't you think you should try to clean yourself up?"

Sara looks up from her hands and back to Catherine, stunned at her lack of reaction, "Didn't you hear me, Catherine? I need to tell you about something involving me and Vartann before we go any further."

Catherine had heard what Sara said to her earlier but she didn't want to hear it. Vartann was quickly becoming a constant in their budding relationship. It wasn't that he was becoming very difficult to get rid of but more like Catherine was becoming comfortable with his presence constantly being there. It was like they played off of each other. Vartann was the uncomplicated while Sara was the complicated cluster that she always was. She didn't want to give either of them up but at the same time…it felt wrong to keep giving fifty percent to the both of them instead of the one-hundred percent they both deserved. But was Vartann really as uncomplicated as she thought? He did bring Sofia into the mix, a mix she had no place being in.

Sofia…that girl clearly had a screw loose. What was weird however was that she had never acted that way around Catherine before. Sofia was the calm and collected one. Everyone affectionately thought of her as the one you could turn to for guidance if you, god forbid, killed someone. But even her behavior couldn't surprise Catherine as much as that ring. She couldn't even bring herself to think about why the hell would this even make sense. That damn ring was just sitting in her mind's eye…taking up all of her energy. She couldn't help but think, "God damn it, that's my ring. My future on someone else's hand." That small band of meaningless metal with a jewel on top was killing Catherine in ways that nothing else had. Was it because it represented Vartann's cheating on her? No. Catherine was so used to men cheating on her that Vartann had become no different. It was that Vartann was going to marry someone else and not just someone else but Sofia "I Probably Shit Ice for a Living Because I'm So Fucking Cold Hearted" Curtis. Catherine had never expected Vartann to marry anyone else. He wasn't supposed to move on. Not because she had some warped idea that he would be better with her but…how can you expect something like that?

How long had Sofia and Vartann been doing this anyway? A week, month, or longer? If it was just a week then fine but if it was longer…Catherine couldn't help but think about an overwhelming disgust. How could she not notice? There had to have been some kind of evidence. Catherine couldn't remember the last time she had felt such an unusual mixture of anger, confusion, and regret with a man before.

Regret… but why did she feel regret? Vartann was the one that should have been feeling regret, not her. He was the lying piece of scum. Thinking back over the years, Catherine could never remember feeling any regret for Sara. When Sara was lost in the desert all Catherine could think about was finding her, finding her, finding her. Grissom was the only one wracked by a sense of regret or guilt but Grissom was always feeling perpetually guilty in some way or another. He'd had to be a robot to not feel anything about his girlfriend lost in a desert. Even when she left to Costa Rica to "find herself", Catherine never felt regret. Frustrated, yes. Annoyed, definitely. But regret had never crossed her mind. What did that mean, Catherine wondered. One question that had been digging at the surface of her mind rose to the surface despite her efforts to leave it in her subconscious. Was the love that she feels for Sara just some playful infatuation that was going too far?

Catherine couldn't help but feel sick. Why would you even think that, Catherine wondered. As soon as you think something like that, bad things tend to follow. But Catherine still couldn't help but be alarmed. When you're in love with someone you don't think questions like that. Those questions don't even cross the mind of those in love. Looking down briefly at Sara's hands, Catherine couldn't help but wonder if Sara had been asking herself those same question. It wouldn't be wrong if they were both thinking about it. Before she even had a chance to bring up the question Sara spoke first.

"Hey…Catherine. Don't mean to disturb you but you've been wiping my face with antiseptic for like ten minutes," Sara smiled but was clearly uncomfortable at Catherine's lack of attention. "What's wrong with you, Cath? Cat got your tongue?"

Sighing, Catherine put down the antiseptic and gauze, "I'm sorry. I'm just preoccupied with...things."

Sara began to slightly caress Catherine's face and frowned when she moved back. No matter how much she would have liked to have Sara comfort her right now, Catherine couldn't allow it. She needed to think not fuck.

"Can I ask you a question, Sara?"

Sara could feel Catherine's whole attitude change and Sara began to change her attitude as well, "You can ask me anything, Catherine. You know this."

"Sara? Do you love me? Really? Or do you just love to fuck me or use me as escape from Grissom? I need to know, Sara. Please don't just laugh this off or ignore it. I just want," Catherine's stopped briefly to wipe the sudden onslaught of tears from her face. "I just want you to tell me that you're in love with me. I've been so confused. I just need…acknowledgement of what we have. Can you give me that, Sara?"

Catherine couldn't help but notice the slight clenching of Sara's jaw before she answered, "Yes. I wouldn't be here if I didn't, Catherine. I'm truly sorry you've been feeling this way, Catherine but you know as much as I do that I can't stop you from feeling anything. You're a grown woman, Cath. You have to make your own decisions about us. Cath…I want to be your lover, not your mother."

"But how do you know that you love me, Sara? Can you tell me that much? How do you know? All we do is fight and fuck. Last time I checked relationships are built on something a little more concrete than that," Catherine continues her sarcastic tirade. "And last time I checked you're married. To my friend."

"Catherine. You know I'm married. You know who I'm married to. That didn't stop you before and it shouldn't stop you now. You make it seem like you just learned about all of this," Sara sighed and tried to relax. "I don't know why you're flip-flopping on me, Catherine but I don't like it. I'm giving up just as much as you are to be with you so stop making it seem like you're the victim. I didn't choose to fall in love with you. I just did. If you aren't sure about us than fine but don't moan and groan about things you already knew about it."

Catherine rolled her eyes in annoyance but secretly smiled to herself. The fight was beginning in the same way it always did when they were alone. One of them would say something about themselves and expect the same from the other and get shot down. This was the only way they could talk it seemed like. Standing up away from the couch, Catherine braced herself, "I'm not 'moaning and groaning' about anything, Sara. Don't you dare demote my feelings into some passing experience. You think I like constantly bringing this up when were together, Sara? Constantly going down memory lane isn't a fun experience for me either but things need to be settled. I can't just…fall in love like you do. I just can't. I need you to give me something to go on here, Sara."

"I can't do that, Catherine. I can't give you something that doesn't exist. You need to find that yourself," Sara tried in vain to get up from the couch but decided to finally look away from Catherine tear stained face and bloodshot eyes.

"I don't think you're hearing me, Sara. I _need_ you to give me something here. I mean…at least give a fucking try, Sara. Give our relationship a fucking try," Catherine could feel that this fight was exploding out of her control. She hardly ever cursed at Sara. Even when they absolutely furious at each other they had never cursed at the other. She felt scared at reaching this point but at the same time she was glad they had finally reached this point with the other.

"What do you want me to give you, Catherine," Sara starts to try to move off the couch again. "A diamond ring? A pair of earrings? A puppy? What do you want me to do, Catherine? You can't expect me to just read your mind. I honestly don't see why you need anything. You have me. Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah, that's enough…if I lived in a TV show," Sighing, Catherine was finished with this argument. There was no use talking to Sara when she got like this. It was like talking to a brick wall. "Can't we talk for once and try not to fight? I'm not in the mood, Sara. I just need you to tell me if you love me or not. That's all."

Sara finally stood up and looked down at Catherine, "I've told you multiple times that I love you. If this is about you…I can't tell you something you. Catherine you've always been your own person. I'm tired of fighting with you but I don't know what you want me to say. Tell me what to do to make you believe me, Catherine."

If only I could, Catherine thought to herself. The hard thing about telling Sara what she wanted was that she didn't truly know what she wanted from Sara. Did she want space or this thing between them to be finished? She was tired of the constant change in emotions when she was with Sara, the constant tug of war between ecstasy at her presence and disgust at her own actions. She couldn't get out her mind that she shouldn't be doing this and as long as that thought was there, Catherine was doomed to hold back from Sara.

Catherine looked away from Sara's pitiful face and back to the floor. Ashamed at herself for feeling so lost, Catherine took the easy way out, "Show me how much you love me, Sara."

With a slight grimace, Sara shakes her head. Catherine knew there was no fooling Sara, "No. I don't want you to make love to you and feel like I'm proving something to you, Catherine. It makes me feel like a dog. If we do anything right now I'm going to be thinking, 'God, does she think we're just fucking,' And quite frankly…I'm tired of just having sex with you. Sex is just a noncommittal thing you do in the dark with someone you'll never see again. I want all of you. Lights on. If you can't do that Catherine then we should just wait before we do anything again."

"You feel like a dog, Sara? Well, now you know how it feels. Always going after someone and just getting their scraps. That's how I always feel with you," Catherine breathes in deeply to calm her nerves. "It's exhausting, Sara. Just being with you exhausts me sometimes. It feels good to be exhausted but…I can't go on doing this every time I'm with you. I don't know what I feel but, I think we should…this is too much too fast."

"Are you breaking up with me…we haven't even gone out yet, Catherine. More importantly, we haven't even had a chance yet to," A knocking at the door interrupts Sara and Catherine gets up to answer it. Sara tries to stop her but realizes that it's useless to stop a woman from doing something in her own house.

Catherine never imagined walking toward a door and opening it would be so difficult. Besides the fact that Sara was hanging onto her in the same way that Grissom used to; like a child with his favorite blanket, he just wouldn't let it go and neither would Sara. Catherine knew who was knocking. Vartann. It had to be him.

Opening the door, Catherine couldn't help but notice Vartann's unkempt appearance, "Lou. I was wondering when we would have a dramatic showdown. Are you going to shoot me or do you have Sofia behind you?"

"We all have our vices, Catherine. No matter how they end up," Catherine couldn't help but follow Vartann's eyes to the prone body of Sara just behind her. "I would never hurt you, Catherine and I'm sorry about Sofia. She shouldn't have been here. I hope she didn't do anything to hurt you. Did she?"

Even through all that they had been through, Catherine couldn't help but smile at his endless capacity to care about her. He was either stubborn or he truly cared about her. But obviously the latter wasn't correct since he'd proposed to Sofia. The damn Ice Queen. Why was she so annoyed with Sofia? It wasn't her fault but…in a way it was. She had to have known that Vartann was spoken for. Sofia was anything but dumb…why would she willingly go in a relationship with someone who was with someone else? It just didn't make any sense.

Marriage was a big step even for two people that were together for years and years. What made Vartann feel he was ready to live the rest of his life with Sofia? Sara, on the other hand, hadn't even considered making a step like that with her…hadn't even brought it up. For some reason, Catherine felt enormously frustrated at Sara for what felt like the billionth time that night.

Noticing Vartann still standing in her doorway, Catherine woke herself up to address him properly, "Sofia didn't do anything to me…Sara on the other hand is another story and before you say anything Sara will be fine. She's just scratched up a little bit. Would you like to come in?"

"Sure," While walking in Vartann's eyes wondered back over to Sara, who was currently clutching Catherine's arm like a snake. Why was Sara being so possessive all of a sudden? Normally this would have been a cute to Catherine but now she was just embarrassed for herself and for Sara. Sara was axting like a child for no reason. Did she really expect her to run off with Vartann right in front of her? Really? Couldn't Sara grow up a little bit? Catherine wasn't going to break in two if Sara didn't clutch her every moment of the day. Sara was quickly regressing into acting like the guys she used to date; needy and clingy. Not a great combination.

After he, Catherine, and Sara had sat down, Catherine noticed Vartann's eyes travelling to the small box that was still on the table, "I'm sorry. Sofia could have just told me she didn't want…I'm sorry you had to be involved in our little lover's quarrel."

"So when you two fight it's called a lover's quarrel. Interesting."

"I didn't mean like that. Just that, well, we have slept together so technically we could be considered," Vartann notices the looks of disgust on both Sara and Catherine's face and quickly begins to change the subject. "So…what did Sofia say exactly? I mean…she left the ring so she must have said something."

"It's what she didn't say, Lou. What she didn't have to say," Catherine noticed Vartann's eyes going back to Sara's bruises and smiled slightly. "If you're wondering how in the hell did Sofia manage to do this, trust me I've been wondering the same thing. Sofia acted very un-Sofia like today. Guess the Ice Queen does have a heart."

Vartann looked away from Sara's face and back down to the small box. He seemed to be more disappointed than shocked at it being there. Catherine couldn't help but feel a little emphathy for his situation. When Eddie was alive he always had a penchant for letting her down in some way and when he wasn't letting her down he was letting Lindsey down. A strong compulsion to place her hand on his back kept coming up but Catherine tried to hold it back, "She gave it back. She didn't even give it to my face. Is that normal? For a woman to just not want to get married?"

Catherine felt no need to say anything to Vartann. He wasn't looking for a response anyway. Vartann was just voicing his thoughts in the same way that Lindsey frequently did when she was thinking about something that she couldn't quite grasp. God, why she have to think about Lindsey? How the hell was she going to explain this to her? Saying, "Me and Sara have decided to have sex periodically and yes, she's still married. But don't worry about Vartann, he's dead to me," just couldn't quite get the right message across even if Lindsey was in college and claimed to "understand matters of the heart".

Catherine couldn't help but look down at Sara. Pitiful Sara. She was struggling to keep her eyes open and it didn't surprise Catherine that she was so exhausted. Getting in a catfight will do that to a girl even if that catfight was with Sofia, Catherine mused.

"Sara…you're tired. Why don't I take you to my room so you can lay down there? Would you like that?"

Nodding her head slightly, Catherine walked Sara toward her bedroom. Once inside, Catherine turned on the lights and revealed her room in all of its pastel glory. From the pastel pink dresser to the pastel purple walls it was literally pastel everywhere. Originally the room was supposed to be Lindsey's but after a sudden decision, in typically Lindsey style, she decided she wanted the bigger room instead. So here was Catherine stuck in a room designed for a child. Oddly enough however, the room made her feel relaxed instead of immature and childish. No matter how childish it was, Catherine's bedroom gave her a sense of peace that was vital to her remaining sane after the things she saw on a daily basis.

Sara, however, seemed to think differently from her slight snickering and wide grins. She couldn't help but laugh at Sara's reaction, "Why do you have that look on your face, Harvard? You've never seen a bedroom before?"

Sara couldn't help but smirk at Catherine's question. It wasn't that she had never seen a bedroom before…just not one so at odds with the owner, "No, it's just that you're so serious and professional. I'd never would have taken you as a 'Disney Princess Collection' kind of woman. Not that there's anything wrong with that kind of woman. I like surprises…anything else you're hiding, Ms. Willows? You got a pet snake?"

Catherine rolls her eyes at Sara's comment, "Where would I keep it? In my closet? Why would I even have a pet snake?"

"Why wouldn't you have a pet snake, Cath? I mean, I can certainly envision you dancing with snakes on your spare time," Sara walks toward the pink curtained windows and frowns. "I bet you give the guys quite some show…gyrating with a snake, your oiled up flesh covered by reptilian scales, and don't get me started on the moonlight slightly reflecting off your alabaster skin,"

Laughing loudly at Sara's statement, Sara turned around to smile abashedly back at Catherine, "You are a trip, you know that? Alabaster skin…god, maybe that's why you quit being a CSI. To take up you secret poetry writing. That'd be a laugh wouldn't it, Sara? 'Emotional Journeys' by Sara Sidle. I can't even keep a straight face now."

"Wow, Catherine…I never took you for a dream breaker. Heartbreaker, yes. Dream breaker, no," Sara walks toward the bed and smoothes down the comforter before lying down. "Well…at least this bed is comfortable. Is it four-hundred thread?"

"Sara…stop talking about the thread count. It makes me feel old and you sound old."

Walking toward Sara, Catherine gave her a light playful slap on the forehead before sitting next to her, "You'll be okay in here by yourself? I have to talk to Vartann and after that I swear I'll be back."

"If he says anything about me and him…don't believe it, Cath. He'll say anything to get back with you after he lost Sofia. Can you promise me you won't listen to him," Sara says with a weak attitude while she begins to close her eyes in exhaustion. Catherine felt like she had no choice but to agree. Sara was making it very clear she wasn't going to leave until she agreed by clutching on to her arm preventing Catherine's movement.

With every word that Sara said however, Catherine could feel herself becoming even more curious about what exactly this arrangement between Vartann and Sara actually was. Catherine couldn't help but feel like she wasn't prepared for the truth and never would be.


	20. Chapter 18

**A/N-If you don't like Vartann you'll love this chapter. If you like him...take a deep breath before reading. This chapter is from Grissom's perspective but if you've been reading the other chapters up to this point, you'll probably figure that out on your own. One more chapter after this, then my great adventure into ffs will be finished. Remember to R/R. You can do it. I believe in you.**

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Grissom never expected to get a call from Sara concerning Catherine. He rarely expected her to call regularly just to say anything but pleasantries. Even before she spoke, Grissom could tell that something must have happened. Something even Sara couldn't have accounted for. What that was, Grissom couldn't even begin to fathom.

Sara was always the decision maker in their relationship while he was the passive observer. Even when he suggested the two of them go to Paris for the teaching offer at the Sorbonne, Grissom knew that if Sara said no then they wouldn't have gone. End of question with no debate. When Sara left to go Vegas to take up Ecklie's proposal Sara had already practically made her decision about going before he even had any idea of the proposal in the first place. If it wasn't for Catherine he probably wouldn't have known anything until he came back home to find the house empty.

God…when did he become so weak with himself and his own decisions? When did Sara become the alpha male? Thinking amusedly to himself, Grissom couldn't help but think this all must have started when his father died. His mother had to take up the role of breadwinner and because of that it had always been seen as natural for a woman to lead over him. That was one of the main reasons he was such close friends with Catherine. She was aggressive, passionate, and strong. It wasn't that he couldn't lead his relationship with Sara it was just that it was so comfortable letting her do what she wanted. Sara liked making decisions anyway and Grissom could hardly consider himself a leader…he could barely lead his own emotions nonetheless others. Even back in Vegas he rarely led his team. If anything he just let them rally around each other with their various idiosyncrasies until someone bumped into the others orbit, then he would handle it and push them back on their way. When has that ever been considered leadership? If anything, Sara was a relief from having to think about all of the consequences.

Sighing, Grissom lifted his head from the steering wheel and started to observe the bright lights of the hospital and couldn't help but be surprised by the level of controlled chaos that he felt within himself. He knew he should feel worried about Sara but for some reason he couldn't quite bring himself to be. He felt sickened, scared, and distraught, but not worried. Sara had been through worse situations before. But why didn't he feel anything? Smiling inwardly to himself, Grissom couldn't help but think of Sara's habit of pushing him away from her. Though it was becoming more of an art form than a habit with how often it ended up occurring.

At first Grissom was frustrated with this forced distance between them but after awhile of coping with it, Grissom realized that her absence wasn't much unlike her being there on a daily basis. The silent arguments were a given whether she was there or not and they were always reinforced by the little things she left behind. From her tendrils of hair on his hairbrush, carpet, and sheets, Sara has the amazing skill of being everywhere without being actually being there. She was still able to control everything he did even when she wasn't around physically. Sara would use to joke that she was like his big brother, always watching him and his actions. He though she was kidding but…he understood exactly what she meant and it scared him. Before Sara came into his life and they went public with their relationship the only thing that could comfort him so completely was Hank.

Hank. The one constant in Grissom's life that didn't require him to be anything but himself. Hank loved him for who he was not who he could be.

After exiting his vehicle, Grissom began the long trek toward the hospital. Crossing from the darkened outside to the bright artificial lights of the hospital, Grissom began the long trek to find Sara. Was it just his own paranoia that made him feel like everyone was watching him? Why were they staring at him…god, where was Sara when he needed her? Sara would have been his shield to deflect all of these feelings from him. She also would have been overbearing but Grissom couldn't help feeling like he would have taken overbearing over this paranoia any day.

After the nurse told him where to wait, he began to lean back in the uncomfortable seats and hating those harsh white lights that were mocking him with their glare.

The bright glare seemed almost to be saying, "Talk to her. She's your wife. You've talked to her before in situations like this."

Grissom still was completely clueless on exactly what he should say to her even after fiddling with his thumbs for several minutes. He didn't even really know what Sara had gotten herself into. Being sympathetic would have seemed tactless since he really wasn't sympathetic in the same way that Sara must be feeling but being his usual restrained self just seemed…well, insensitive, even for him.

He had to say something though. When she called him from Catherine's house, Sara was clearly in a state of shock but she also seemed wildly determined about something. Almost obsessive even. Either Sara was feeling guilty or she honestly wanted him to believe her. But why wouldn't he believe her? She couldn't have done something _that_ bad…could she? God, everything kept coming back to what exactly did Sara fucking do?

As several nurses were walking back and forth in the hallway of the hospital, Grissom heard that they were whispering to themselves and after hearing Sara's name multiple times along with Catherine and, oddly enough, Louis Vartann, Grissom began to get even more uncomfortable. Even more questions kept flowing through his mind. Why was the detective involved in this mess with Sara? He hadn't known Vartann that well throughout the years. Several times they had gone out for breakfast with the rest of the team and he seemed fine with no various red flags.

Grissom couldn't help but feel like if he asked Sara about this instead of asking himself questions that he couldn't answer, every problem would be solved. Lifting his head from his hands, Grissom saw Sara walking up to him looking blankly in his eyes. Never before had Sara seemed so simultaneously dead and alive at the same time. Her exhaustion was evident in her stance but her eyes were the happiest he'd ever seen them. Sighing, Grissom got up from his seat and mentally prepared himself for a long discussion before Sara gave him that look that she knew would instantly shut him up before speaking first.

"I think I might have killed him, Gil. I was so scared…he was going to tell her everything and I just snapped. I couldn't have him do that, Grissom. If that makes me a bad person then…I'm a bad person," Sara lightly chuckled at herself. Grissom couldn't help but make a similarity between a bull kept in a cage from the look in her eyes, "It's almost like that night all over again, isn't it? The night you picked me up for almost getting a DUI that one time. God damn it, Grissom. My mind is telling me I made a mistake but my heart is saying that I should go in to her…tell her."

"Tell her what, Sara? You nearly, probably, killed one of her friends? God damn it, Sara," Grissom grabbed Sara's arm and she looked down with a frown. She didn't seem surprised. If anything she seemed glad he had gotten slightly forceful with her but after a brief couple of seconds the moment passed and Grissom let go of her arm with a sigh.

"I wish you wouldn't do this, Grissom," Looking down, Sara clenched her fists, "Can't you just…give me advice without pushing me away from the one person I have to turn to?"

"Turn to? So now you want me to be there for you? Why don't you just call one of your other conquests of the week for whatever you want from me? What do you want from me, Sara? Honestly. Because for once in my life I'm not going to just roll over and let you do whatever you want whenever you want."

When Grissom sat down Sara sat down with him. He was quiet but hardly angry about what he said. Grissom had always known Sara had an obsessive personality. Ever since he knew her she'd become obsessed with things. At first he thought it was just explained by her personal history with her father but it hardly went away even after she met with her counselor to "sort things out". Sara's drinking, her exhaustion after the desert incident, and even her sudden absence to go to Costa Rica just made him more aware of the innate obsessive tendency in Sara. Maybe it was because of her lack of parenting in her childhood life but whatever it was that caused Sara to be so obsessive kept coming up in their relationship.

However, oddly enough, this obsessive personality was the reason why he tried so hard to make things with Sara work. Somewhere deep in his soul Grissom hoped that maybe she would fall in obsession with him but in typical Sara style she did the exact opposite of what he wanted. The only things she could fall in obsession with were Parisian strippers. All of Sara's various affairs were in part his fault for not giving her the love she needed but at the same time she was hardly lacking in faults. He could only do so much while she _constantly _needed so much from him without even taking into consideration his own needs. It wasn't fair. Grissom was hardly the emotional machine that Sara needed. Hell, he could barely support himself emotionally.

Looking over at Sara, Grissom could tell she was about to speak, "I nearly killed Vartann, Grissom. I made a mistake. I need you to bail me out…again."

With an inward sigh, Grissom accepted that Sara had acknowledged her mistake but she always did when she screwed up but actually making a real effort to change was always impossible for her. It had become a common thing for him to bail her out by calling in a couple of favors to get her out of whatever mess she had gotten herself in. Knowing this, all Grissom could do was acknowledge that it would probably happen again and slightly nod his head in acquiescence. There was no use fighting the inevitable after all, Grissom had quickly learned when dealing with Sara.

Grissom was hardly surprised by Sara's situation with Vartann. If anything he was surprised it had took her so long to put herself back into this sort of situation again. After everything that happened to her father and mother in her childhood Sara was always constantly teetering on the edge of her obsession. Her drinking problem and her inability to work cases with abused women or children all centered around one thing, obsession. Grissom was able to bring her back from the edge when he decided to pursue a relationship with her but that hardly fixed the problem. Even after Costa Rica she was still having nightmares. About what Grissom had no idea because she refused to tell him.

"Catherine is involved in this isn't she," Grissom figured starting off with the obvious would open up Sara to talk more about what exactly she did, even though he wasn't exactly thrilled to talk about it either.

"Why ask if you already know the answer?"

"So tell me something I don't know then, Sara," Grissom looked around briefly before speaking again, "Why would you even try to kill Vartann? Where's Catherine? And more importantly, what could have possessed you to make you attempt murdering a man who's a fucking detective for god's sake? Do you even think, Sara?"

From the look Sara was giving him, Grissom knew he had been yelling. Gilbert Grissom was yelling? To Sara? Even as he thought the words they seemed highly improbable. As much as he was surprised by his actions he never once tried to take them back by looking away from Sara or blowing things off. If she wanted him to be aggressive than that was what he was going to do. It was quite a rush to his psyche to push Sara around but he couldn't help but be slightly scared by the realization that he could just screw her up even more.

"Catherine...went home. It's not like she won't talk to me, that would be easy for me to take, it's like she doesn't even see me anymore. Like I don't even exist to her. Do you know how that feels, Grissom," Grissom leaned over to grab Sara's hand and, oddly enough, she didn't flinch away but moved her body towards his, "I've really screwed up this time haven't I?"

"Yep. You've really made a mess of things," Grissom grabs his phone from his pocket and frowns slightly. "Looks like I'm going to have to call a favor in from the Undersheriff on this one. I don't think Brass will be able to help us out with this one. But Sara…the best he'll probably be able to do is hold back the cavalry for a couple of days until we can return to Paris. We'll never be able to come back though and the very least _you'll_ never be able to come back. Are you ready for that?"

Sara's brief look away from Grissom made him realize that she had no intention of really leaving, "Sara…you can't stay here. If you do you'll most definitely go to jail for ten to fifteen for assault or even attempted murder of an officer. Do you really want to give up your civil liberties for a quick fuck with a woman who clearly doesn't care about you?"

Yanking her hand away from Grissom, she frowns, "So now you feel entitled to give your opinion about something you have no clue about?"

"What is there to understand, Sara? You've fallen in obsession with Catherine and you're trying to make that obsession into a love that can't exist. Catherine doesn't love you. She never will."

"Don't say that."

Grissom grabs onto Sara's shoulder, "Don't say what? You and I both know that you're an obsessive personality. Remember Thomas in Costa Rica, Amilie in Paris, and all the other attractions you've succumbed to…they were just that. Attractions, that's all they ever were. Catherine is the same thing regardless of how you refuse to admit it to yourself."

"You haven't asked me why I did what I did, Grissom," Grissom releases Sara's shoulders.

"I'd figured you tell me eventually."

"He was going to tell Catherine about an…unwise agreement I made with him several months ago. Shortly after I came back, I told Vartann to pursue Catherine. I know, I know, I shouldn't have done that but you should've seen Catherine when I came back. She didn't know what to do about anything involving the team, Riley had left, Lindsey was going to college…I just wanted to help her out by giving her someone she could have fun with. Someone she could fall in love with," Sara tried to appear nonchalant about her and Grissom's conversation but sadly, failed miserably when her eyes began to get glassy with tears, "I didn't really expect her to actually fall in love with him. I thought he'd be like the others that Catherine dates, a quick fling that develops into nothing more than a memory on cold nights. But when I came back from Paris I could tell she was serious about him and falling hard for his boyish charm. So…I did the only thing I could think to do. I tried to take her from him and he was, of course, not exactly pleased. After all, I'd practically told him to go after her and get her to fall in love with him."

"Is that why you raced back to Vegas even after they no longer needed you, Sara? Because you couldn't let someone else have a woman you'd never be able to have," Grissom chuckled slightly, "God, Sara. How juvenile can you get?"

After trying to give him a lighthearted smile, Sara turns away from Grissom's kind eyes. Despite his heart telling him he should be mad or even frustrated with her actions, Grissom could only smile understandingly. All of the anger that he felt earlier was warping into an odd feeling of wanting to protect his little butterfly from harm. That's all that mattered.

Standing up, Grissom looked down at Sara's face and caressed her cheek, "I'm going to call my favor in, Sara. You're coming back with me to Paris whether you like it or not. But, I understand what you need to do. Go. Visit Catherine and have your last fifteen minutes with her if you need it but when I call you that's it. I'm not going to see you thrown in jail because you can't control your hormonal urges."

Grissom walks off to leave Sara alone in the waiting room to make his phone call. After punching in a couple of numbers he waits patiently for the Undersheriff to answer. Looking briefly back to see Sara again Grissom realized that Sara was already gone. For once in his life he had grown a pair and made a decision regarding Sara that she had to accept. Hopefully she would listen to him and not screw up and stay with Catherine despite his wishes. If there was one thing he couldn't do was get someone out of jail.

"Grissom? What the fuck are you doing calling me at this hour," The Undersheriff answered with an annoyed tone. Grissom was truly sorry for waking him up but this was an emergency.

Grissom sighed and tried to regain the same tone that he had perfected back when he was a CSI, "Undersheriff, I don't have time to waste. I'll try not waste your time with pleasantries if you try not to waste mine. I need a favor."

All Grissom could think about was one thing, "God, Sara…don't fucking screw this up."

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**A/N Part 2-Next chapter is going to have tons of smut because I can't end my story without one last hurrah for Sara and Catherine. Just thought I'd give you readers some warning beforehand.**


	21. Final Chapter

**A/N**-Okay...I'm sorry to the readers that I left hanging for like, forever. I had too much shit explode in my face that developed into a shitball of Fuck-Up-My-Life. Anywho, I've cleaned that up and I got this chapter out to **FINALLY** finish this long story. I'm actually glad with the way it ended and I just want to tell you guys/gals, thanks for making me feel like a champ with all of your reviews. Without you reviewers I would have been writing about Sara's obsession with peanut butter by now. wanted to tell the reviewers/readers who have stuck out with me when it came to this story, thanks. This chapter is for you.

This is a long chapter so snuggle up to your PC/MacBook/iPhone/iTouch/Droid/Other Mobile Device and prepare your eyes for reading. Had to give Sara and Cath a proper send off. Have fun reading and you don't have to review readers because this is finished! Woo-hoo!

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Suicide was never an option Catherine had ever even considered in her life. She had done some impressively bad decisions in her youth but _never_ had suicide ever crossed her mind, until now. It was always hard for her to understand how could a person decide to end their life completely even after seeing it in a personal and professional capacity for several years but after all that had happened over the past couple of hours she could get the attraction. All of the shit that had happened, all of the shit that could never be redone or reestablished could be swiped clean with just one slit of the wrist, one jump with a noose around her neck, or drinking one to many. It was mystifying to think that life was an always a constant struggle while death was what? A simple act compared to living. Was this part of the complexity of life? It just didn't seem right to make a decision between playing a never-ending Texas Hold 'Em game against Lady Luck or deciding not to play altogether. What would you choose, Catherine couldn't help thinking to her Catholic guilt. But the question kept mutating in her head to, why would you want to live on this earth around everything that's crumbling around you.

**-Several hours earlier-**

Before leaving the hospital, Catherine checked in on Vartann and could see he was having a hard time breathing on his own. She had hardly listened to anything the doctors tried to tell her about his condition because all she could think about was Sara's face staring back at her from the other side of the window. Was she sympathetic or empathetic? With Sara you never knew until it was either too late or she told you herself. That was what scared Catherine so much, though. Not that Sara had the nerve to even look at Vartann after shooting him in the back but that she was even thinking about Sara at all. Her ex-boyfriend was shot and all she could think about was Sara. Why would she do that? What made her think shooting someone was a good idea? She was so lost in her thoughts that she hardly noticed when Sofia Curtis walked into the room and proceed to stare at her like she was the lost eighth wonder of the world.

Sighing, Catherine realized that her silence was hardly deterring Sofia's own self-imposed silence and she turned around annoyed, "If you're looking for an invitation, Sofia, you'll be waiting for a long fucking while. Sit down or get out. I'm not in the mood to listen to you practice the lost art of existing."

Sofia coughed before speaking dryly, "Catherine. I'm sorry for what happened to you, really I am. But I'm not going to feel pity for anyone but Vartann. He's the one that deserves a pity party, Catherine."

Catherine rolled her eyes in annoyance for the second time that night. Or should she have said morning? It was impossible to know what the time was anymore. People who had things to look forward to in life, which was something that she was severely lacking in, used time.

Sofia was wrong about one thing though, Catherine hardly found herself wanting a pity party. She wanted to see Sara. She wanted Sara's infuriating calmness. She wanted Sara to tell her everything would work out with that stupid naïveté that Sara had developed since coming back from Paris. Even in the short amount of time they had discovered each other's feelings for the other Catherine became addicted to Sara and found herself wanting more. Catherine couldn't help wondering if maybe she was a sadist because Sara, ever since the day she had met her, was a constant source of pain in her life. No, Catherine could hardly call Sara a pain in her life because that made it seem like Sara was the only one at fault. They were always constantly pushing and shoving each other back and forth on professional and personal matters.

When Catherine was kidnapped by the man who she was led to believe had his mistress kept hostage and would only release her for a ransom nine years ago, Catherine pushed Sara to figure out her left behind clues by dropping the finger right in front of her face while she was on a date with Hank The Skank. That was hardly the first time they pushed and shoved each other either nor would it be the last. She had always just assumed that was the way they worked together but if Catherine had just read between the lines a little bit, Catherine would have seen that Sara wanted her. All of this wouldn't have happened if she had only been more observant. God, she was a fucking CSI! How could she miss something so blatantly obvious-

"You done beating yourself up in thought, Catherine? As much as I love watching you beat yourself up," Sofia looked down at Vartann's prostrate form and frowned. "I'd rather know how the hell this happened to Vartann."

"I guess I can call one of the doctors in to explain," Sofia grabs Catherine's arm and jerks her forcefully to her face before Catherine can even move to get a doctor.

"What the hell, Sofia?"

"I don't care about the Gray's Anatomy, Catherine. I want to know _how this happened_. Stop pussyfooting around the issue and tell me. I expect that much since I am his wife, Catherine."

Catherine opens her mouth in shock before nearly shouting back at Sofia, "His wife, Sofia? He gave me the ring he was going to give you. Last time I checked in order to be considered 'married' you had to have, you know, received the ring and signed actual papers with actual ink. Did that happen while Vartann was passed out because he can't breathe on his own you know. It's physically impossible for him to write anything."

She didn't know why she was being so harsh to Sofia or why it felt so good to be fighting with someone again. Maybe she was looking for a Sara substitute to occupy her time or maybe it was something else entirely but no matter what the reason, Catherine quickly learned that Sofia was hardly a Sara substitute. When Sara got mad at Catherine they would fight like British Parliament members, publicly and vigorously but with no real harm intended for both sides. Sofia on the other hand was like an alley cat with a bad case of rabies. She would come out scratching and clawing from round one and did intend to harm you in any way possible.

Catherine should have remembered this from her and Sofia few arguments in the past but because of her lack in judgment Catherine got a backhand to the side of her face. While staring at the hodgepodge colors of the hospital floor and listening to the whirs of the machine keeping Vartann alive, Catherine felt herself smiling. Why the hell was she smiling? Sofia Curtis just backhanded her after all, and getting backhanded was hardly fun no matter who was doing it. Despite knowing this, Catherine stood up, walked calmly to the two-way mirror in front of Vartann's bed, and cleaned herself up with some of the medical supplies placed around the room. All the while, she was smiling like an idiot and Sofia was clearly becoming more heated after watching Catherine's lack of response.

"Sara shot him, Sofia. Sara nearly killed your 'husband'," Catherine laughed heartily. "Why the hell are you so violent, Sofi? Maybe that's why you were banished to Boulder City like a bastard prince in banished to his country castle? Because you have an anger problem? Wouldn't surprise me one bit. You've always seemed like a closet bully, Sofia. You're all icy on the surface but you probably get into all kinds of kinky shit when the doors are closed. Like double penetration…I'd bet Vartann would like seeing that."

Sofia frowned and shook her head, "Catherine…you need to talk to someone. _Talk to someone_ and not _verbally assault them_. Go home. You're not helping Vartann by attacking me and you don't even realize it do you? Do you feel better after saying that? No. No, you don't and if you say yes than you honestly need a lot more than talking to someone to help you out. Just…go home, Catherine."

"I deserve to be here just as much as you do, Sofia!"

"And I'm not saying you do or don't, Catherine! Don't you dare fill my mouth with words I never said. All I'm saying is that if you're going to stand here and get up in my face then all I'm going to do is waste energy fighting with you which is exactly what you want. You want to get a turn on from me arguing with you while I lose my energy bickering. Is that how you and Sara get anything accomplished? By yelling at each other like politicians," Sofia smirked before continuing. "I'm glad I'm not Sara's mistress."

Catherine clenched her fists and couldn't believe Sofia had figured her out in practically no time. Damn it, she even got the fucking simile right too. Catherine didn't care what the fuck Sofia could figure out about her but she knew she had to get out of there before her Sofia got in another grade A fight again. It was next to impossible to talk to Sofia about anything but she was hardly making it easy on her.

Sighing, Catherine looked over at Vartann and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Even after all they had been through, Vartann deserved that much no matter who he was "married" to. Catherine knew with all of her heart that her and Vartann were over but no matter what she regretted happening these past few days with Sara, she would never regret letting Vartann go. She hated Sofia's attitude but could tell she would treat him better than she ever could.

**-Current time-**

"God damn the fucking shit pussy who forgot to get more wine for me to drink…shit, I just cursed myself," Catherine began to giggle before hiccupping slightly which caused her to unceremoniously bang her head against the refrigerator.

Her suicidal mood had hardly changed with the nap she forced herself to take after getting home and realizing she felt like she wanted to kill herself. The key word there was, _felt_. Catherine always knew she would never actually do it, even after ingesting the bottle of wine but the fact that she had even…considered it made her disturbed. If there was one thing she always told Lindsey it was that suicide was a fool's errand that wouldn't solve anything. Catherine had learned that the hard way when watching many of her friends from her days working the pole for money that suicide was the easy option that did nothing but create more problems for everyone involved. The family and friends left behind wondering how and why and what if. Catherine had been in that situation too many times to know that was what hurt the most in a suicide. Not the actual death but the questions left behind that just sit in the air like cigarette smoke in a Nevada brothel. Catherine couldn't imagine leaving Lindsey behind asking those questions no matter how utterly fucked up her life was at the moment.

However, that didn't change that Catherine felt miserable. She had lost everything in one shot. Vartann, Sara, even That Ice Prick in My Ass aka Sofia Curtis pretty much banished her from her existence. Who did she have to turn to? Catherine could already feel herself starting to go crazy. The first step was drinking, the second step was talking to herself, and the third step was…well, she didn't know because she wasn't there yet but either way, this couldn't be healthy.

A knock at the door took Catherine out of her thoughts and she slowly trudged to the door, hoping whoever it was would quickly get the message that she did not want to be disturbed after seeing her haggard appearance. Breathing in deeply, Catherine braced herself by not taking the chain off the door and groaning loudly, "Name now."

The silence told Catherine who it was before the intruder even had a chance to speak. Only one person wouldn't quaver at the force that drunk, depressed, Catherine Willows presented.

"Catherine…I know you probably don't want to see me after what I did to Lou but…please don't shut me out. I deserve everything you probably want to do to me right now but…I don't have time to go to Catherine-Hates-You Parade. Just let me say what I need to say and I'll be gone for good. God, Catherine, could you at least give me that much?"

No. No. No, she couldn't be here. This wasn't right. Her body was practically yearning for that voice but still…that doesn't make what she did right. She fucked up my life and she's just going to waltz in here like I need her? Who the hell does she think she is?

"Umm, Catherine? We can talk out here if you don't want to go out inside but you're going to have to stop talking to yourself. It's a little weird," A light chuckle comes from the intruder's mouth. "Grissom once said that you aren't really crazy unless you start answering yourself so…I guess you're still in the sane category but Catherine…just barely. Just barely."

Despite finding herself annoyed at her impervious tone, Catherine couldn't help laughing at the truth of it. She couldn't believe she had said that out loud but was hardly surprised because of the amount of liquor coursing through her veins.

With a shaky sigh, Catherine sighed to herself, "Sara…if I let you in here I don't want you to do anything but take me. I need you, Sara. I need you to make feel something other than drinking my sorrows away or worse. Just…please, I beg of you. If I let you in please fuck me."

Through the small crack of the door, Catherine can see Sara's jaw tighten and her fists clench. Catherine knew that Sara wanted this as badly as she did but she could feel Sara's apprehension. Why the hell was she apprehending now Catherine had no idea. It wasn't like they were about to "make love for the first time" like they say in romance novels. Catherine was hardly looking for love from Sara. That would be idiotic and she would be bound to get her heartbroken and if there was one thing Catherine couldn't stand was knowingly getting her heartbroken. No, Catherine was looking for the ye ol' fashioned fuck. Her sexuality was Catherine's default, her go to.

"I don't want to just fuck you, Catherine. You deserve more than that but I don't have time to love you properly. Could you forgive me?"

"Forgive you? Sara, I'm asking you to fuck me. Be rough with me. Not that many men or women have this opportunity in their lives, Sara. You should take it before I change my mind and decide to finish business myself," Catherine moves her hand down to her sweatpants and begins to rub the outside of her thighs. She didn't want Sara creaming her panties on her front porch but she did want her to feel uncomfortable. She couldn't help but hope it would force Sara's hand and make her forget about her idiotic morals for just one moment of fun.

"Catherine. Open this goddamn door so I can give you the fucking you're so asking for. Unless you want me to try getting you off with just this little crack to work with? I've never done that before but hey what the hell? Gotta try everything once, right?"

This was it. This was what caused Catherine to smile at the hospital when Sofia hit her. The bantering that her and Sara shared. Only Sara could banter with her like this and still have her looking for more. But this wasn't right, Catherine couldn't help wondering even while in the process of fumbling open the last barrier between her and Sara. She couldn't help but feel like she was perpetuating an endless cycle of events by letting Sara come in and have her way with her. It wasn't that Catherine didn't want it, that was hardly the problem after she heard herself moan when Sara slammed the door shut and pushed her up against it. If this had been anyone else, Catherine would have been shocked at her behavior but because it was Sara everything became excusable. When was the last time Catherine had let anyone take her like this? Never, but with Sara the unexpected became the expected and that was what turned her on and turned her off when it came to what they have together. It wasn't fair for any attraction to make her feel this way, almost like she was playing Russian roulette and she knew that the gun was loaded beforehand. Catherine couldn't just let this thing between them go on. She had to stop it now before she let one door opened out of weakness turn into two or more opportunities for Sara to come in and fuck her life up some more.

That was easier said than done after feeling Sara's hands find their way inside her pants. "Sara…please, stop. We need to talk."

Catherine began to steel herself for the fight that it would take to make Sara stop her current task of getting her to orgasm but oddly enough, Sara just sighed and took her hands from Catherine's wet and warm cavern. Despite wanting to talk, Catherine had no idea how to start the conversation. Everything in her head just sounded lame or contrived given what Sara and she had been through together. Walking toward her kitchen, Catherine was still running a blank on what to say when Sara spoke first.

"I never meant to hurt him, Catherine," Sara says while washing her hands. "I was just so…jealous of him. Jealous of what he represented. It wasn't fair that he could be with you and not have the baggage that I have. And…it wasn't fair that he loves you. I have been _waiting_ since forever to just show you that I could be…that we could be…hell, I don't know, Sara. I just couldn't let him have you when I couldn't even tell you properly yet about how I feel. It just wasn't fair. Do you understand what I'm saying, Catherine?"

"Yes…but that's the problem, Sara. Don't you see? No normal sane person would have decided to shoot someone over love, if that's what you want to call it, Sara. I don't love you, Sara. You don't love me. The quicker we understand that, the better we'll be in the end."

"How can you say that, Catherine? How can you be so cold after everything I've done for you?"

Catherine sighs heavily before speaking, "You haven't done anything for me, Sara. If anything, all of your choices over the past couple of days have been against me. Why else would you come into my life and turn everything all topsy-turvy? I liked my life before you came in it. I liked being the supervisor with the predicable boyfriend and the college bound daughter but for some reason you thought I wanted what? A white knight with problems of her own to save me from my own meaningless existence?"

"So, does this tirade include when you drunkenly took me to bed that one night all those years ago? Or are you just including everything that happened since we went to that case at the Excalibur?"

"Sara," Catherine leaned back onto the kitchen counter. "Every time I'm with you in anything that doesn't include a professional manner we end up fucking each other. And don't look at me like that, Sara. You know as much as I do that everything we've done consists of trying to find the quickest release as possible to get away from each other as soon as possible. If you consider that love-making than we have a problem with your definition of love, Ms. Sidle."

"There is nothing wrong with my definition of love, Catherine. I…need you to be in my life. That's why I came back to Las Vegas. I was going stir-crazy in Paris, practically living on my own half the time. I even went as far as finding," Sara laughs loudly to herself before speaking again. "Finding fucking substitutes for you. Can you believe I even brought home a woman that looked exactly like you one time and Grissom just smiled and said, 'I hope you're having fun.'"

"Sara…you're obsessed. I can't, no, I will never be able to fulfill your fantasy for you. There's no way. This is the real world where you and I have responsibilities and people that depend on us. I can't just run away from that and neither can you," Catherine walks forward to stand next to Sara who is still washing her hands that have turned red from the scrubbing. "We could have been and that's it. I'm sure you have a lot of men and women you've left behind that could have been something to you but aren't. What makes me so different that you're willing to risk a marriage for?"

"My father, Catherine," Sara finally stops washing her hands and grabs a wash cloth from a hook before turning away from Catherine's confused eyes.

"Your father," Catherine sighs. "Please tell me you're not going to blame everything on your daddy issues. God, Freud would probably turn in his grave if he knew the world had descended into everyone blaming everyone's father or mother for various problems."

"My father nearly tried to kill everyone that was important in my life, Catherine. He even tried taking my life at one point before my mother finally took the initiative to kill him first. The horrible things that he did to me…caused me to misunderstand men. I couldn't ever pick the right one; my longest relationship with a man before Grissom was six months. And the guy was a pilot so I hardly ever saw him after our first month of dating. My father screwed everything up with me, Catherine."

"Wow, are you really using your father as an excuse to how fucked up your life is? You've seen my sorry excuse for a father and you don't see me blaming him," Catherine raises her hand to lightly touch Sara's should but decides against it at the last moment. "You can't use your father as an excuse, Sara. Trust me, I've been there and it doesn't make anything hurt any less. When I was a stripper I couldn't help thinking, 'If my mother had gotten pregnant by anyone else my life would have been better' but you know what, Sara? My life is hardly any better with or without Sam Braun in it."

Sara looks up incredulously, "So you want me to just move on from everything that my father did to me like it's no big deal? Well, I can't do that, Catherine. I just can't."

"You still haven't told me why, Sara. Why are you fixated on me, huh?"

Sara runs her hands through her head before frowning at Catherine, "You'll think it's stupid."

"Not as stupid as anything else we've done together in the past couple of days. Come on, Sara. Tell me," Catherine puts on her puppy-dog face and Sara smiles.

"Okay, okay, no need to get the big guns out, Cat. You know that your puppy-dog face is my kryptonite. When I was in my court ordered therapy sessions at the orphanage, I met this woman. She was…everything that my father wasn't and everything that my mother couldn't be. She was the first person in my life to encourage me to shoot for the stars with my life and not to let my past affect my future. But she never made me feel like she was keeping after me like some of the other advisors did. She let me make my own decisions for once in my life."

"Let me guess, this woman looked exactly like me," Catherine said with a roll of her eyes.

"Hardly," Sara smiled and Catherine couldn't help but smile back. "She was an African-American from France. I just felt so comfortable with her and when Grissom asked me to work in Las Vegas all of those years ago and I met you…it was like emotional déjà vu. You have to know how weird it was to feel those feelings that I had put away for so long coming back to the surface. I felt like I could tell you anything but my brain kept telling me that you weren't her. That you could never be that woman that I trusted so long ago and that's why I became interested in Grissom. I just thought maybe if I tried to be with someone like me that it would make it easier to move on from what you represented."

All of a sudden Catherine felt a strong urge to separate herself from Sara and couldn't stop herself from walking away from her side to return to the other side of the kitchen. "Grissom was right after all wasn't he? About this just being an obsession that you had to get out of your system. I was just a surrogate fuck buddy for a woman that was your idol when you were younger. Or am I wrong, Sara? Is it something else?"

"No. I don't know. But don't cheapen what we had together, Catherine. Please don't do that."

"Cheapen what we had together? Sara, we had nothing together but a couple of nights of passion that hardly make up for the shit I went through to get those nights. I can't believe you didn't even love me. I can't believe I didn't just drop your ass as soon as Grissom said what he did but no…I couldn't because I was trapped in your web of deceit. Was this all a game for you, Sara? Was it?"

"Catherine, I did try to love you and it was hardly a game that went on between us. It's just that," Sara sighs before walking toward the door. "You know what? I can't talk to you when you get this way. If you ever want to know why then here's a letter that I wrote out to you. I'm not going to waste time that I don't have trying to explain something to you that you don't want to be explained. I have to go catch a flight."

Catherine grabs the letter that Sara is holding out to her and runs after Sara before she has a chance to leave. "So that's it, Sara? A letter? Really?"

"I guess so, Catherine," Sara looks back before opening the door and smiles. "See you later, Catherine. Tell Lindsey I'm gone will you?"

Catherine is left alone again and sighs before landing back on the couch in frustration. She was neither happy that Sara had left nor was she particularly sad that she had left either. Catherine couldn't help but find herself wondering about of all things, the paperwork she would have to fill out after this fiasco. It wasn't like they were short staffed at the labs even with Sara there. Now they were just superbly short staffed. God, her life was such a mess up. Even when she wasn't in it, Sara still found ways to screw everything involving her up.

She was so angry with Sara that she hardly noticed the tears flowing down her face. Why was she crying? Why couldn't she have cried earlier? Catherine couldn't help feeling like if she was going to cry she could have at least cried in front of Sara that way she felt some kind of regret at the end of this. God, damn it, Catherine thought to herself. She hardly felt suicidal anymore but now all she could feel was an overwhelming numbness.

Catherine couldn't help but feel like singing a song she had heard years ago,

_I'm miles from where you are_

_I lay down on the cold ground_

_And I, I pray that something picks me up_

_And sets me down in your warm arms_

And for the first time since Eddie died, Catherine cried. The tears rolled down her face in rivers and streams and should couldn't stop herself.

Placing the letter that Sara had given her on the table, Catherine decided on reading it later. She was neither ready to nor wanted to read it right now. All she could think about was the abundance of pain in her chest over all that had happened. Everyone was in pain except the one cause of the pain, Sara Sidle. Goddamn her, Catherine couldn't help thinking. Just someone…damn her to hell for leaving me behind like this.

**-Private Airport-**

Grissom watches Sara walk up to him just in time to board the private jet that the undersheriff had reluctantly procured for their passage out of the United States. He had thought she wasn't going to make it and he would have been stuck trying to find her. That would have been a mess and there was anything Sara could find it was a mess.

"Sara, thank God you showed up. How are you? Did you handle your business with Catherine," Grissom pulls Sara into a hug that she returns. "I hope you didn't hurt her too much."

"Well, that ship has sailed. Let's go, Gil. I've gotten enough of my time in Vegas."

"So you're ready to leave then or are you running away like you did before?"

Sara looks back at the lights of Las Vegas before returning her eyes to Grissom's. "No. I'll never be ready to leave Vegas, Gil. It's my home no matter how many times I have to run away from it but…it's time for me to go. Time for me to move on. Maybe I'll come back to Vegas later on in my life but for now it's time to close this chapter. Can we go now, Gil? I really don't want to be arrested on the fucking tarmac."

Grissom watches Sara walk toward the open door of the jet and frowns. "If I didn't ask I never would have heard the end of it and anyway I can't wait to get back to Paris. At the Sorbonne we were doing some research on some imported _Magicicada_ _Septendecim_ insects and you won't believe the results we've gotten about molting times."

"Really? That's so interesting. Could I borrow your MacBook really quick, Grissom? I have to send some emails to the lab to tell them I'm not coming back for a while."

Grissom gives her his MacBook without a thought and continues to prattle on about molting before going up to the pilot's cabin to tell them they're ready to lift off. Sara sits down in the seat and begins smiling to herself before sending Nick, Greg, and Ecklie her email about having to leave. Sara couldn't help but send one special message to her little Cat.

_Dear Cat-Nip,_

_I just can't leave you alone can I?_

_

* * *

_

**A/N**-Liked the ending? I did. I bet you're asking a lot of questions like, "What about that fucking letter, AFIS?" or "What? Sara's just going to leave like that?" but don't worry. You'll have to deal with those questions. I love leaving things floating around in a story like this because it gives me something to work with if I decide to do *shivers with fear* a sequel. Thanks for reading everyone! You guys are like cliches to a romance novelist. Absolutely necessary and very comforting. lol.

Lyrics attributed to Snow Patrol, _Set The Fire To The Third Bar_.


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